So, Here's My Story...

Whether it is learning the guitar, jumping in the pool, or doing something brand new in business, feeling foolish is a powerful motivator to keep us from growing. In those moments, it isn’t always enough to just keep the door open for the person. Sometimes, we need to support them in a more proactive way, and that is exactly what this episode is all about. Why is that important for business? When you are trying to lead people, sometimes you think that all you can do is provide them an opportunity to try something new. Often, that just leaves you feeling frustrated when they don’t. Even when there is nothing in the way, new things can still be daunting, and we often need something more to facilitate growth into the stretch. When leading, it is helpful to ask yourself: “Is this an instance where I need to lay out more than just an open door?” Often leadership looks like a choice between passive allowance, and high pressure “sink or swim” immersion. But we can create a comfortable middle ground without the press

We don't talk about endings enough, especially not ending things well, with as much celebration as we began them. And that is exactly what this episode is about. Why is that important for business? Consider ending your business, or a product line, or even a relationship with a client or a team member – are you putting in the same effort to make a beautiful ending as you did when you started? Instead of ending by tapering off into a fizzling nothingness, celebrate everything that was; end with as much joy as you started with. Just because something is ending, doesn’t mean it was a failure; endings aren’t inherently bad. That is the belief that allows people to hold onto things they shouldn’t. In public speaking, there are two aspects of the talk of particular import: primacy and recency. Primacy is the first thing you say, and it is what will be remembered. But recency, the last thing you said, is equally as memorable. So when considering how you want to be remembered, or how you want your business to be remem

Ever have the networking equivalent of a glass of water: it has substance, but no flavor? This episode is all about those conversations you have that don’t feel like a connection at all. Luckily, it’s also about how to have better conversations, and how to curate a network that not only refers you but refers you clients that are a perfect fit. Why is that important for business? If you have a conversation that is more than just a surface conversation, you each bring certain life experiences and perspectives. But if there is no curiosity present at all, there is little to build on for the conversation. It is like an electrical circuit: it is not until the other wire comes and completes the connection that you actually have an electrical circuit. There can’t just be one wire connected. And it is frustrating to experience this lack of interest, not because of a need for attention from the other participant, but because you feel cheated out of an opportunity to make a connection. The whole reason people network i

If you are someone who has ever worked with a fitness trainer, you have probably heard their mantra: “engage your core”. It turns out, almost everything you do in fitness becomes easier, safer and the results more prominent when you involve the muscles of your core. Turns out, the same is true in business. Why is that important for business? Wherever you are looking to add some “umph” – even if it is theoretically a leg or arm exercise - if you source your energy from your core, it is easier. This is true in business as well. Maybe you think you need to do some marketing or improve sales, but the truth is: if you haven’t strengthened the core of your business – of what you really do – you’ll never get far, and it could be dangerous. “Dabbling” is an example of not using your core. “If we don’t do it every day, we don’t do it any day.” So what is your core competence? If you can’t do your best work for your clients, should you be doing that work? Your core not only the most important “muscle” in business to de

When you enter a new environment or talk to someone who isn’t as intimately familiar to yourself as you are, it can be hard to navigate the language gap. Even when you think you know what someone means, words can mean considerably different things in different contexts, and to different people.  In this episode, we talk about navigating conversations where you can’t even rely on the English language for clarity.  And we do it using Star Trek references. Why is that important for business? When something (or someone) is new, we often don’t have the vocabulary to even begin to ask – or answer – questions. This may mean unique language used in a new industry, but it can also happen when you use commonly understood words, for which differing context or perspective changes the meaning. And sometimes we think we know what a word means, but our understanding is incomplete. It is important, then, when entering a new environment or navigating a fraught one, to poke around for the words that mean something in this part

Here you are, just trying to live your life, trying to use your brain to solve complex life problems or just navigate your way through Costco, and all you can think about is some unresolved conversation or situation that has lodged itself in the most obsessive part of your mind. As Eliot likes to say, you are letting someone else live rent-free in your mind. In this episode, we discuss how to deal with these situations, and how to free up space for something more productive than trying to think of the perfect retort to an upsetting email. Why is that important for business? The magnitude of the obsession is usually inversely proportional to the size of the issue – the more petty and stupid the issue, the more space it gets in your mind.   Then you get mad that you are irrationally mad at the petty thing. This is not a recipe for a productive mind. And the reason it bothers us so much is that you now have to spend time and energy dealing with a situation that you would rather not dedicate brain forced to.  And

Knowing when to show up is an art form all its own. Ever found yourself saying more than you should, just to fill the silence? This episode is all about knowing when to stop talking, and when to let a lack of talking enrich the conversation. If you’ve ever found yourself oversharing, or failed to get someone really talking, it’s time to embrace the silence. Why is that important for business? We spend a lot of time on this podcast discussing how to frame a conversation, but it is just as important to discuss when to end a conversation. Knowing when to shut up is an art form all its own. There is an impulse to fill the silence sometimes but understanding what not to say and when to stop saying anything at all is sometimes more important than planning what you are going to say. Especially when you are working with a client, beware of the point where you’re doing all the digging, and hand them the shovel. You need to lean into silence. Allowing someone else to discover something, rather than telling them, create

It isn’t uncommon for businesses to be stalled by interpersonal conflict, which seems like it might call for some serious Business Couples Counseling. But at the root of that conflict can be a more technical problem with an easier fix. When the emotional meets the operational – that’s the topic of this episode of So Here’s My Story. Why is that important for business? Interpersonal conflicts – that bone on bone friction; the assigning of intent with assumptions instead of being curious – often bubbles to the surface more than simply dysfunction in dealing with personal disputes. Often, it points to operational issues that require attention. There is conflict because something needs to be defined; there needs to be structure. There is a special chaotic hell when you don’t have enough structure – it is what gives freedom. “There are only two questions that human beings have ever fought over, all through history. 'How much do you love me?' And, 'Who's in charge?' Everything else is somehow manageable. But these

In business, emotions can run high. And when emotions are high, often our inner Business Toddler comes out, which can make professional discourse seem impossible. In those moments, all of our instincts are counterproductive to a healthy work environment. So what do we do about it? Let’s talk about it in this episode of So Here’s My Story. Why is that important for business? Often, sorting out business issues often comes down to what is essentially business couples therapy. And these individual disputes often come down to a simple decision: “Am I more attached to being right, or solving the problem?” Almost all of our instincts in highly emotional situations - especially those situations where we are trying to be professional – actually make the problems worse. Like when a toddler is acting out, we need to ask ourselves what unmet need is being expressed by the unwanted behaviour. And when things go wrong in business or life, adults often revert to the flailing emotional responses of a toddler. In those mo

Have you ever been given information – fascinating information, even – that you almost immediately forgot? There was most likely a critical piece missing in your education on that topic - the stark difference between knowledge and knowing just enough to get hurt. And that is the subject of this episode. Why is that important for business? Generally speaking, people know the right thing to do. What they need is practice on how to do it. This is the difference between hearing something and knowing something, and it can make all the difference to the culture and the operations of a company. We are too often given knowledge, but not made comfortable in the art of conversation of conveying that information or using that information in practice. When you hear something - even if you are amazed by that information – the brain is still in a relatively dormant state. If you introduce it into practice, however, then neurons start to fire, and the information begins to be coded in your brain. In fact, if something is

Over at the World Wide So Here’s My Story Podcast Headquarters, we have lots of great discussions. But this one is special, because it all started with a trip to the washroom. Solutions often have unintended consequences, consequences that could have easily been prevented with a little bit of forethought. And that’s what we are talking about in today’s episode. Why is that important for business? In order to prioritize service, you have to make assumptions about what kind of services your customers want. And sometimes those solutions have unintended consequences, or completely misread the customer need. Often, we neglect to ask ourselves: What would it look like to implement these strategies? What problems can we see if we think it through? It is really easy to throw out big ideas that sound like great solutions without thinking through how you would actually implement them operationally. And in order to think it through operationally, you have to talk to the people who are actually going to be taking the

Have you ever walked into a space, and something in the environment made you uncomfortable? Or maybe you entered a work space and thought “this space is perfectly suited to the work being done in it.” Creating a space – whether the actual physical space, or even the virtual space – that supports the work you are trying to do is an oft ignored, but important aspect of your business. In this episode, we talk about what a massage treatment room has to teach us about matching our space to how we want our clients to feel. Why is that important for business? The work environment can have a lot of impact on how clients feel. Yet not a lot of thought is given to “what do I want clients to feel?” and creating an environment to support that. Conference rooms, for example, are often interchangeable – they say nothing about the work being done in them, or the needs of those who use the space. What would it look like if you had an environment that worked for you? You might think, “no one has ever walked in a room and sai

Have you ever asked someone a question – a deeper question that gets at who they really are – and received an “I don’t know” in return? This episode is all about the really good conversations that are possible when you ask - in just the right way – who a person is and what their dreams are. Why is that important for business? Sometimes, the best conversations are the ones you have to keep plugging away at. You are guaranteed to fail the first few times you try to get to the good conversation, but what you get – from your partners, your coworkers, your employees, or your clients – can change everything. You may have to ask people things in different ways to get to their real response. It can, for instance, be easier to articulate what you don’t want than what you do want initially. You can’t always walk through the front door of learning; you have to find different ways in. This involves a real commitment to communication; it means fundamentally wanting to know what matters to someone else. When you do final

January can have a weird energy for many people, both personally and in business. And all of us, whatever our season of lower energy, could use a proactive plan to help us cope. In this episode, that’s exactly what Eliot and Jodi share. Why is that important for business? Just like in our personal life, we can have hard seasons in our business life; a time of year where it is particularly hard, mentally, to be “up”. For Eliot, this is the time to focus on connecting with people, and with his points of light. We can falsely create a sense of isolation around these seasons of lower energy and ignore that there are not only others who are experiencing similar feelings, but also that there is often an external factor at play, like the weather. In these times, it can help to remember that when you feel lost in the forest, the trees know where you are. “Lost” by David Whyte Stand still. The trees ahead and the bushes beside you Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here, And you must treat it as a powerful st

Have you ever actually felt the exact moment that you lost all respect for a professional associate? In this episode, Eliot and Jodi discuss how straddling two messages in an attempt to be liked often ends in no one being served. For those moments when you are dedicated to something higher than “what the clients says they want”, this episode is for you. Why is that important for business? Helping clients doesn’t always mean doing exactly what they say they want. You must make sure you are maintaining your professional responsibility to do not only your best work, but work that aligns with your values. The task of discerning and assigning where your allegiance and loyalty is critical. This allegiance is not just to a certain party – sometimes it is to an ideal or value, or to the client’s best interest. Sometimes it is displaying allegiance to say, “we can’t work together”. It is important to also consider the other side. This is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength, and of you being grounded in yo

Do you ever get stuck in overthinking? Either indecision or second guessing the decision you already made? Well, so has Jodi (not Eliot – he’s perfect!), and in this episode, we try to figure out why, and maybe even some solutions when you catch yourself in overthinking mode. Why is that important for business? Overthinking makes business not only harder, but getting stuck all of the time can also be really draining. And, as suggested by Jodi’s former coach, “stuck” often means that you know what you want but your are just not ready to admit it yet. “Over-analysis is a form of denial. To over-analyze means that you have the correct answer but are refusing to accept it - you go on searching for the answer you would prefer rather than accept the truth. Remember that the truth for one is not necessarily the truth for another, and that the truth has a tendency to drive you crazy just before it sets you free. Perhaps what you once thought was craziness is simply what it takes to free yourself from outdated belief

Feeling like you can’t get clients to understand your value? This episode of So Here’s My Story is all about showing potential clients the difference between your work as a commodity, and your work as an art form. Why is that important for business? It often feels like a billable hour model punishes efficiency and rewards inefficiency. Just as you don’t care how many hours workmen put into building your car, you want clients to see the value in the end product.  But it is often a much more complicated thing to get clients to understand, and appreciate, that value.  It requires you to educate clients on the art of what you do, the relevance of the art, and the downside of options that are less artful in their delivery.  But as with butter and margarine, sometimes people don’t care about the difference. A client may not be your client if they don’t care about the difference between you and your competitors. This requires you to be very honest with yourself. If you provide value and your target market doesn’t fi

New Year’s Evolution It's New Years. Want to avoid setting the same ole' “just add water, have shame in 3 weeks" resolutions? This is the episode for you! It’s that time of year where many of us make some resolutions. But we have a love-hate relationship with New Year’s Resolutions, and think it might be a time to rethink how we make them.   Why is that important for business? What you measure will determine so much about your business. New Year’s is a great time to notice what and how you measure. Resolutions are often large by their very nature, yet breaking them down into chunks is often much more effective. It’s like what Coach Krzyzewski at Duke University said about winning a game with a 20 point deficit: instead of focusing on the seemingly insurmountable spread, think about winning just the next 5 minutes. Once you string together some 5 minute wins, the bigger deficit will take care of itself. With resolutions, often the goals themselves are laced with shame to begin with. Like with diet, sometimes i

Sometimes we set goals – like business growth – not because they are true goals, but because it feels like we are a failure if we don’t achieve them... Have you started your 2018 goal planning? We have some ideas on how to make that planning more effective, and we share them in this episode. Jodi also speaks Swedish-ish and coins the term “Zen Mama”, so there’s something for everyone! Why is that important for business? The practice of hitting pause and looking back is incredibly important, in life and in business. To be myopically focused on where the gaps are – what you have yet to accomplish, what you still have to do – cheats you out of something. You need to recognize what you have achieved and the solid ground that you can build on for the next thing. There is also a fierce, tough love piece to this: a need to insist on this reflection, because if you don’t, you are skipping the true and honest act of looking in the mirror. Sometimes we set goals – like business growth – not because they are true goals,

Quack, Quack You know those early American Idol contestants? The ones with…less than stellar singing skills? Have you ever wondered why none of their friends pulled them aside and said “listen, dearest friend – you can’t sing”? This episode is all about the business version of “you can’t sing”. And Jodi and Eliot have a few different perspectives to share about it.     Why is that important for business? We make assumptions that there is only one way to do things when we give advice, instead of trying to custom fit the advice to the person. When people stop trying to fit into a solution, they can come up with a solution that is a fit for them. This doesn’t mean we can’t help push friends and colleagues out of their comfort zone. But we have to make sure that the path they are on is their own; if you push your comfort zone on someone else’s path, you won’t get traction.  There is a difference between pushing past something that is scary, and pushing a limp noodle. The problem often isn’t that someone doesn’t l