Kintsugi Life

It is seductive to be fixated on the results we want to see in our lives, or an end-state that represents where we aspire to get to. In reality, focusing on the prize can divert our attentions and lower our motivation to keep on pushing towards it. Instead, we'd be far better placed to commit our attention and efforts to the process, so that we enjoy the journey as well as the destination. In this episode, I share a story about my career and how it has emerged, that taught me the need to love each day and every step towards the prize. You can also read an article I wrote on this topic at http://bit.ly/2MVdNXj If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@tobyhazlewood.com

From time to time we all experience emotional reactions when assessing our progress in life. That might come when we're looking at progress with a project or as we work through a time of challenge. It may come when we assess our relationships or look at where we are in life. It seems easier to me to default to a mindset of despondency and failure rather than gratitude and contentedness. Why is that? In this episode, I share my thoughts on how we can tackle this response and what I believe causes it. You can also read an article I wrote on this topic at http://bit.ly/2MoPGkE If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@tobyhazlewood.com

Toxic and narcissistic relationships (whether romantic or otherwise) have the power to ruin our lives if we let them. And yet, escaping from them even when we can see we're stuck in them can be one of the hardest things to accomplish. In this episode, I share my experiences of living in a toxic relationship and the struggles that I experienced before recognising that I had to escape from it. You can also read an article I wrote on this topic at http://bit.ly/32oKMK9 If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@tobyhazlewood.com

As much as any of us tries to remain focused on the present, we get drawn into reminiscences over the past and fixated on the future, hoping it'll bring happiness and fulfilment. The past can be problematic as we cling to past difficulties and failures, and replay the events through our mind, time and time again. In this episode, I talk about the steps we can take to start to loosen the hold that the past has over us. You can also read an article I wrote on this topic at http://bit.ly/2Vt4cL5 If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@tobyhazlewood.com

In this episode, I share my thoughts on the choices we have when faced with adversity. No matter the issue we're facing, the options are likely to be the same. I'll outline what these are and how I think we can get distracted by over-analysis of what got us here, rather than adopting the appropriate tactics for getting through it. I'll describe some examples of how these can be applied too. I wrote an article on this subject which you can also read at: http://bit.ly/2oOIG73 If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@tobyhazlewood.com

In this episode, I share how a disagreement with my teenage daughter caused me to reflect on how we learn best, through having failed at something or having been taught the right ways of doing so. Learning and growth come from multiple sources but often, the people we learn from will identify themselves as experts, or as those who've learned through experience. Through diverse examples I consider how we can learn personally from both experience and those who have knowledge to share. I wrote an article on this subject which you can also read at: http://bit.ly/2n6CIOu If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@tobyhazlewood.com

In this episode, I discuss what I believe is the best relationship I can offer to those who are seeking relationships in their life, and who wish to learn from their past-breakups; We must be true to ourselves and who we are. I discuss how I went through the process of a divorce, then dating again, being engaged and the subsequent failure of that relationship to eventually go on to meet my second wife. The process is one of learning from the failures as well as refining ideas of what works. I wrote an article on this subject which you can also read at: http://bit.ly/2lc0lEE If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@tobyhazlewood.com

Whether we like it or not, life is inherently risky and there are dangers associated with everything we do (and also with doing nothing!) In this episode, I share some recent experiences in the lives of my family that have demonstrated the risk that exists all around us. I try present the balanced case for looking at each scenario as being a choice between various risks and rewards that need to be considered. You can read an article that I wrote on this topic at http://bit.ly/2mlaDST If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@tobyhazlewood.com

We can get too fixated at times with grand goals as being the route to happiness and contentment in our lives.  In this episode, I share a story of how an encounter in my own life, taught me that certainty, or an ability to better handle chaos means more to me than the achievement of success (by any definition). You can read an article that I wrote on this topic at http://bit.ly/2mkcmb1 If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@tobyhazlewood.com

We're bombarded with messages online, on social media and from those around us that occasionally drive us to aspire for more in life, to stretch and grow, and to seek out feeling discomfort in the name of personal development. In this episode, I share my thoughts on why I think we might all feel better at times in life if we were to be contented more with where we are and what we have. You can read a recent article I wrote on this very subject at http://bit.ly/2m5kI68 If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@kintsugilife.co

When we're working towards a challenging goal, or dealing with adversity and striving to improve our situation, we can focus on a goal to help direct our efforts. However, the reality is that those goals and target points tend to become mere points through which we end up passing as we move on to bigger and better things. You can read a recent article I wrote on this very subject at http://bit.ly/2JapY2O In this episode I share the thinking behind this process, and how I've seen it exhibited in various aspects of life from career, to fitness, to relationships and beyond. If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@kintsugilife.co  If you'd like to receive the occasional message from me containing thoughts, information or inspiration related to living a better life after divorce, you can join my mailing list at the following link:   bit.ly/Choosing-to-Thrive  Thanks and have a great day!   Toby

Those who are known for getting things done, for committing and then executing, even in times of adversity or hardship can become known for having a lot of willpower You can read a recent article I wrote on this very subject at http://bit.ly/2UQcE9o In the episode I'll share my thoughts on how I believe willpower on its own is often not enough. If we're committing to do something or to get through something that is challenging or testing, if we require willpower then it's often an indication that we're not really committed to the decision, and we don't believe in ourselves strongly enough. I'll share the 4 things that I believe are essential to minimise our dependency on having to rely on willpower, and how these can be evidenced in our life, and built upon. If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@kintsugilife.co  If you'd like to receive the occasional message from me containing thoughts, information or inspiration related to living a better life after div

How are you doing? Such a simple question can evoke such mixed emotions. For the person who is struggling through times of adversity, it can be the thing that opens the floodgates of all their dissatisfactions and despondencies. It can prompt an uncomfortable focus on how they are across their life as a whole. I propose instead that it is more helpful for us to ask others (and more importantly, ourself) How are you doing TODAY? You can read a recent article I wrote on this very subject at http://bit.ly/2FzIP2W In the episode I'll share my thoughts on why focussing on today, on how we are in the near-term can be much more healthy and productive, especially if we're trying to deal with hardship. There is almost always something that can be done TODAY to improve our situation and to benefit from turning the focus on what choices, actions and decisions will benefit us now. If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@kintsugilife.co  If you'd like to receive the occ

Expectations are a key part of shaping what we get from life; whether we're trying to manage our way through a difficult project, navigating a challenging period of life, or looking forward to a pleasant forthcoming event, we all feel expectations, and these can have enormous power both in shaping the results we get, and in determining how we feel afterwards.  You can read a recent article I wrote on this very subject at http://bit.ly/2HhsPWF In the episode I'll share my thoughts on the many ways in which expectations can influence our lives, and why I think it's important to focus on finding the 'sweet-spot' where our expectations support us in the achievement of our goals and motivate us, without being too high (which could make the results seem disappointing) or too low (which serve to doom us to fail).  If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@kintsugilife.co  If you'd like to receive the occasional message from me containing thoughts, informat

We're all guilty of times at comparing ourselves to those around us; it's a process that's prompted by the visibility we get into others' lives through social media and it seldom feels good to look at the best of someone else lives and to then compare it to the worst of our own. Either we feel the shameful pleasure that comes from feeling good about others' misfortune, or we beat ourselves up for not having what others have.  You can read a recent article I wrote on this very subject at  http://bit.ly/2tw2kUN In the episode I'll share the ways in which I think you can make a healthy comparison that helps you to assess your progress and identify just how far you've come in your journey.  If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@kintsugilife.co  If you'd like to receive the occasional message from me containing thoughts, information or inspiration related to living a better life after divorce, you can join my mailing list at the following link:

In this episode I discuss my thoughts on how we can get so wrapped up in wanting to get the results from our endeavours, or to escape an unpleasant situation that we worry more about the speed at which we'll get what we want, rather than doing things right (by finding and building form).  I will share a few examples that illustrate ways that this comes about in our relationships, at work and in our fitness to demonstrate what I mean. It's the old debate of quality versus quantity. When we are fixated on doing things as fast as possible, we often end up compromising ourselves and what we want in order to get it quickly. The same is true of crash diets as it is of pumping money into marketing to get a short-term boost in sales, as it is to walk out of a failing relationship rather than work at it, or to methodically end it properly and diligently. You can read a recent article I wrote on this very subject at  http://bit.ly/2SwgJiB In the episode I'll share the ways in which I think you can build for

When we set ourselves a goal, or look at our current situation compared to where we want to get to, we are often comparing ourselves with the best possible outcome, the ultimate or the pinnacle of what is possible. Lofty goals can be inspiring and motivating, whether to keep us focussed as we work through adversity, or as we undertake some process of improvement. However, it can also be really off-putting, demoralising or depressing and can discourage us from taking action; we may feel like we have too far to go and it's not worth the effort.   Inspired by one of my recent blog posts (http://bit.ly/2GaCPQo) this episode explores how we should reframe our goals to look at the 'Minimum Viable Product' in any given circumstance. What does 'Good Enough' look like for us? What would be an acceptable place to be that might set the foundations for what we want and offer a stepping stone to getting to where we want to get to?  Setting our sights on the Minimum Viable Product offers us a means of getting and

At times we all have the things that we would really rather avoid. They're the tasks that our manager at work asks us to do that we don't feel like or which we doubt our ability to tackle. They're the difficult decisions that we put off. It's the awkward or unpleasant conversation that we may need to have in our relationship, or the difficult subject that needs to be tackled in the process of parting from someone. And then, as if by magic it can seem as though we've got away without having to take the action or have the difficult conversation.  While we all rely on a bit of luck and good fortune at times, I firmly believe based on my experiences in life to date that these events are not part of luck. Usually, sooner or later it'll come back around and someone will ask us where our work is, what happened to the thing they asked us to do, or our negligence in avoiding the challenging conversation will make our lives more difficult. In this episode I share my recent experiences of putting off a task that I

We've all no doubt experienced times in life when we lose the resolve and resilience to carry on with good habits and positive practices. It can be as simple as falling out of the habit of going to the gym, meditating, carefully managing our money or giving our relationships the attention they deserve. When this happens, we have a choice whether to quickly acknowledge this, and pick up the good habits again, or to lament the fact, hating or judging ourselves and delaying getting back to the good habits. When this happens, we NEED to get back on the horse and pick up with the good habits again to see their effects in our life.   Inspired by one of my recent blog posts (http://bit.ly/2VTzCdi) this episode explores what our reactions can be when we lose the good habits and how to approach picking them up again. I refer to my own experiences of losing the habit of going to the gym and looking after my health. I managed a solid 6 months of gym going in 2018 before losing the habit! I found the excellent boo

In recent episodes I've been discussing the many traits and characteristics that I believe will assist us both as we work through times of adversity and challenge, but also as we strive to achieve significant goals; amongst the most significant of these, is patience. Inspired by one of my recent blog posts (http://bit.ly/2Eh9ZgS) this episode  explores why I think patience is an essential skill or trait to employ in all aspects of life, and how I believe its effects can be manifested in our lives. If you have any comments or feedback on this episode you can reach out by email on toby@kintsugilife.co If you'd like to receive the occasional message from me containing thoughts, information or inspiration related to living a better life after divorce, you can join my mailing list at the following link: http://bit.ly/Choosing-to-Thrive Thanks and have a great day! Toby