So, Here's My Story...

We aren’t always game for business talk. But it is hard to set a boundary between private and business time if you are unclear on the boundary you are setting. For those fuzzy areas, where you don’t want to set a rule, but you feel like a boundary has been breached, we have some ideas.  Why is that important for business?  There is a very blurred line between business and personal for most people. Each world can easily bleed into the other, and many people want just that. But sometimes, you wish you could create a rule, or boundary, just for today, like a temporary profile picture on Facebook, and not have it stick for every situation thereafter.  Sometimes boundaries are grey and ill-defined, and when we can’t even codify our own rules about when to talk business and when not to, we can’t expect others to follow these non-codified (or expressed) rules. It is hard to set a boundary if you aren’t clear on the boundary you’re setting.  Often, this need for a temporary boundary is an indication that we are feeli

Expecting a Christmas bonus? Readying to give one? Listen to this first! Because, though you might not think it, “bonus” can mean more than one thing. Getting it wrong is the difference between a disappointed staff, or a story that spreads the good word of your company far and wide.  Why is that important for business?  How do you surprise and delight your employees, and how is this different from the bonuses they’ve come to expect?  There is a huge difference between an expected bonus, based on performance and seen as part of compensation, and an “I wish I worked there” story of delight.  A surprise, random bonus has a completely different function than one with a formula or pattern. They serve to provide a story. If your ideal recruit asked one of your employees, “why should I work there?”, the answer isn’t going to be a bullet point list - it’s going to be a story. What do you want that story to be? Similar to our episode on how your business is an extension of your values https://soheresmystory.com/ep123

Let’s talk about strength of commitment, and designing your space to support your future, not just your present or past.  And to make it even more interesting, let’s throw in an ill-researched analogy about hermit crabs, for good measure! Why is that important for business?  When our life, our work, and even our work spaces are designed around what we are currently doing, the things we want for our future are often – by necessity – shoved into unused corners. Almost as though our future doesn’t really fit in the existing figurative or literal space of our life. And a lot of this is about commitment – how committed are you to what you want next? Committing space, then, is about committing to the future.  Of course, commitment often comes in stages. But at some point, we may find ourselves struggling because we are shoving our dreams into the corner, in terms of space, energy, and time. Our future is getting the last dregs of our resources. If you were to make a list of things you really care about, on a scale

There is no shame in losing out to Butter, as Eliot finds out, but sometimes, there is shame when it comes to time and productivity. And we want to fix that. Why is that important for business?  It is incredibly easy to grossly overestimate what is possible in the time you have available. People want to talk about time in terms of to do lists and apps, but so much of it is simply knowing how long things take. Getting a clear understanding of what you can accomplish in a month or year or a meeting is crucial to productivity and feeling good about what you’ve accomplished. But we’re generally really, really bad at it. We also often feel like failures if our lists only have 3 things on them, even when we know we perform best when we have the time and focus.  Productivity and time management is not where you should start. For instance, if you were to list three things that you desperately want more time for, what would they be? And more importantly – are they or have they ever been on a calendar or to do list?  W

Does your business radiate your values like a spice company? Find out in this episode! Why is that important for business?  Have you heard about the spice company that spent more money on impeachment ads than anyone but Trump?  When asked why, he answered “I’m running ads to run a business. And so much of that is using your business to radiate your values.” When you have a business, you have this same opportunity to radiate your values. But that has consequences that you have to be willing to accept. And though you might applaud the spice company and condemn the baker that won’t make the cake for a gay wedding, if you are okay with one being able to radiate their values, you have to be okay with the other side radiating theirs. Of course, where businesses get into trouble is when they speak for everyone in the organization. It might seem like it is better to pick neutrality. But who decides what neutral is?  Does your business radiate your values? If so, to what degree? How much does it need to be in lock ste

Getting hacked is bad. Of course it is. But what if…it’s not all bad? What if being hacked is the key to some really big marketing questions? Why is that important for business?  Despite 17 years of putting on marketing events, sending out emails, making connections, sometimes it takes a hacked email to show you how many people are ready to engage with you. Or at least that’s Eliot’s recent experience. And while we don’t recommend you use a hack as a marketing technique, there are definitely things to be learned from how effective this hack was in generating interest and actual business.   So what is it about responding to a hacked email that so galvanizes people? How can we explore what makes a call to action actually call people to act? Especially since, in this instance, people took an action that wasn’t even requested, it’s important to ask – what were the stimuli that created the action?  First, there was value to the action, and not just to them. They wanted to help. There was a clear purpose to the res

When is process valuable, and when is it a distraction from the productivity it is supposed to create? As always, we come at this question from the angle of stories about things like too-small-roasting-pans and piles of dirt. Because the title of this podcast isn’t “So Here’s My Brief and Boring Synopsis of a Business Lesson”. Why is that important for business?  While sometimes differing processes can simply be two ways to get to the same place, there are also processes that are productive and some that are “that’s how we’ve always done it” or status quo-maintaining processes.  Instead of creating structure for everything – from negotiations to meeting agendas – we should instead ask ourselves: “What’s the tiniest hint of structure that I need to prevent chaos, so that we have the freedom to work creatively without going off the rails?” This is very different than the kind of structure that exists simply for the sake of structure (structure that often gets in the way of communicating, and that can create wor

Uh oh – someone tried to show gratitude to Eliot again! Let’s revisit an early episode of So Here’s My Story, where we talk about compliments, thanking someone, and all of the ways to drive Eliot crazy. (Bonus: we get to hear Jodi use Eliot’s full name in a chastising way!) Why is that important for business?  As we have learned, Eliot enjoys sucking all of the joy out of compliments and acts of gratitude. And maybe you do too.  But here’s the thing: Giving and receiving of any kind is a finely balance ecosystem. If I want to give something to you – a compliment or a favour or anything – you have to be willing to catch that ball, or it doesn’t work. It can’t be a one-sided exchange. There has to be someone on the other end of the seesaw.  When someone tells you that you are wrong about a compliment – “no, no, I’m not actually that good” – they are taking something that is yours. They don’t actually get to weigh in on what you think (and admire and appreciate) about them. There is a responsibility to recognize

How do you know when you are overreacting, and when you should call in help? Whether it’s double pneumonia or a product recall, making a decision to be proactive in the face of a potential emergency can be complicated, and fraught with a lot of “I don’t want to be dramatic” baggage. So how do you do it? Let’s talk about it – in story form! Why is that important for business?  When you are facing something like a sick kid or a decision to call in help in business, often our driving force is the desire not to be perceived as an idiot or someone who is overreacting. When do you call it and make the decision to make a thing, a thing – and possibly looking silly - versus waiting and possibly regretting not acting sooner?  Especially when you are forced to make a decision in isolation – without the help of experts – you have to figure out with your limited knowledge if an issue is serious enough to communicate to someone else. We want to figure “it” out first, before we call in the expert. But between doing nothing

When you set lofty goals that not only don’t serve your larger objective, but actually work against you, you might want to reflect on this episode about Homeowners Associations, lawn gnomes, and setting pointless rules. Why is that important for business?  When you are establishing rules and culture, make sure that you are not setting yourself up for an impossible task of compliance. When you target with incredible specificity and end up micromanaging, you might actually obscure your message completely, or worse – ensure everyone not only misses the point, but actively fights the bigger picture goal.   You are also often setting yourself up for failure by establishing an expectation of enforcement that is impossible to adhere to. It’s important to establish just enough of a boundary to stabilize and make clear what you need and no further. Overreach makes people react against the bigger goal. If you don’t enforce these arbitrary rules that you have set, you show yourself as powerless to live up to your own st

“You look so beautiful that I almost didn’t recognize you.” Ever have someone deliver a compliment with that kind of precision and deftness? Sure, there might need to be training to help them better communicate; but listening for intent is just as important. Do you have a culture that assumes best intent, and trains from there? Why is that important for business?  Sometimes, you need to be trained to hear the intent behind the words or clumsy phrasing. Just like a good daughter, the training and the culture of your company needs to be such that people are encouraged to acknowledge the intent behind the message before trying to correct it. Especially for people who fail to put the period where it should be in a sentence. It is important to first acknowledge the best intent, and then give feedback on the delivery.  It’s also important to create a culture where people can give such feedback to someone to gain perspective on possible intent, even if it’s not the person directly. Sometimes, having another outlet –

Have you ever received one of those messages from a friend from high school, who clearly just wants to sell you something? Or had someone try to jump 6 or 7 rungs on the intimacy ladder, just to do business? Let’s talk about when the attempt to create an add actually becomes a detract.   Why is that important for business?  “Happy birthday, Eliot, now give me your money!” Although it’s not an exact quote, these kinds of emails happen. And they actually end up devaluing the sender. Like a celery is purported to have negative calories, this is a negative calorie birthday greeting, where they actually take away from your estimation of them.  Social media especially makes it easy to simulate a relationship without actually forming one. Instead of forcing closeness, it might be more effective to create the start of closeness by being honest about the lack of closeness. But creating the veneer of a friendship where none exists borders on a violation, like someone crawling through a window you left ajar and joining

Can you feel the difference between setting a goal and setting a Big Grin Goal? We sure can, and we want to spend some time talking about it. Why is that important for business?  We’ve all set goals that – theoretically, at least – we want to achieve. And then…we don’t. But Eliot wants to introduce you to Scott and his concept of the Big Grin Goals (as measured with a Grindictator!)  Now, you could really like something, want something, but it might not make you grin. That things that “gives you the grins”? That goal that animates you naturally? When something is so compelling that it has a magnetic quality, it pulls you towards it. It might still be hard work, but it feels more worth it. It’s like the quote: “discipline is remembering what you want”. When you are energetically tied to a thing that you want – so much that it makes you grin just to think of it - the hard work just takes on a totally different flavour. And it can transform from what you have to do to what get to do.  It’s hard to deny that if y

It’s part 2 of our lovely dalliance with guest host, Joe Natoli, and he has a lot to share, including how to say no to non ideal clients, how to (politely) ignore your clients requests, and how to stand for the truth of your work.  Why is that important for business?  When clients come to Joe with a defined problem (and a proposed solution), his first step is to politely ignore their request and ask, “what occurred to make you think you needed this solution? Tell me the story that led you to this moment.” That story is at the core of what needs to be solved.  It is a natural human inclination to have decided on a solution by the time you reach out for help – otherwise, why would you call? But the danger is when you have someone who listens and does what you think you need. It’s important to pause and ask diagnostic questions to discover what the real problem actually is.  People often don’t know what their actual value is, because no one is asking the right questions and no one is willing to look dumb. Ask th

We have a guest host today, and he has a great (2-part) story about finding the right work, making the invisible visible, and helping humans find new results from their systems.  Why is that important for business?  Our guest host Joe helped us explore a lot of topics in this 2-part conversation, including: Finding what you are skilled at doing, even if no one supports you Sometimes we need “not that” people in our life, so we can discover what we want by having to fight for it. That you don’t have to march in straight line with 1000 other people; you can actually stop people from doing what everyone else is doing, but for a living!  When you want to fix a problem, it’s helpful to be clear on what you are doing now before you change it.  Look for the fear or the unmet need. When someone is tightly controlling something, there is a reason.  You can’t ignore a problem just because the proffered solution doesn’t work.  Forget about the recipes you know and the things we are good at that you want to automaticall

How do you tell when something is just a quick rant, and when something actually matters? Well, we’ve got a story about that. Or a series of rants, as the case may be.  Why is that important for business?  Rants are specific to the people you tell them. What bothers you doesn’t necessarily bother other people. But these are the things that are the poppy seeds between the teeth in an organization that end up causing tension. If everyone agrees that about the poor etiquette, then you can course correct from there. But what if there is disagreement on whether it’s okay to even be upset about it? Often, people see a dismissal of what bothers them through a lens not of this concern doesn’t matter, but I don’t matter.  The answer, as usual lies in conversations, and about not shying away from having conversations about things, even if they feel silly. “While no single conversation is guaranteed to transform a company, a relationship, or a life, any single conversation can.” (Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations: Achie

Leadership isn’t about taking responsibility for just the parts you like; leaders don’t get to separate themselves from their organization. And as much as this episode is about the things Trump said about Baltimore, it’s more about good (and bad) leadership, and choosing between a chair and a hand.  Why is that important for business?  When you lead anything, whether it be a country, a state, or an organization, you can’t disconnect yourself from the things that are in your charge. When you are a leader, you wholesale relinquish your right to consider yourself separate from anything within your organization. If some part is bad or wrong or struggling, then you are also bad or wrong or struggling. And although it may not be your job to fix it per se, you don’t get to isolate yourself from it.  This isn’t to say that you aren’t allowed to have judgements as a leader – your job is to identify what is not working and where there are issues to solve. But if you see a part of your business not getting the outcomes

It’s important to remember that clarity comes through action. For instance, clarity that two semi-introverts might not like to be the stars of their own party. And that there might be a better way to build a community without needing to hide in the corner or fake a bathroom break.  Why is that important for business?  Figuring things out in business is an imperfect path. But it is only by doing something that isn’t quite a hit out of the ballpark that the next thing that IS a fit becomes possible. We often want to think things through before we take a step, but the only way to figure a thing out – the only way to get clarity or confidence – is via action.  That’s why it is so helpful to ask: what did I love about this thing? It doesn’t have to be all of it or even most of it, but it’s important to identify and keep those parts, and find a way to mitigate the parts that don’t serve.  Without action and reflection, it’s like you are sifting through puzzle pieces without knowing what the top of the box looks lik

In business, sometimes you need to lead, and sometimes you need to follow. Like singing harmony, it’s a balancing act of merging talents. And if someone doesn’t know or respect their role, nothing sounds right.  Why is that important for business?  Just like when you are singing, running a business involves asking yourself this question: “Is this a moment when I am the driver, or is this a case where I am a passenger?” Because everything gets harder when two or more people are trying to drive at the same time.  This can be especially apparent when one company buys another. Both parties need to understand that they must integrate the two cultures and philosophies into one to create a whole. This doesn’t mean that everyone has to march in lock step – singing harmony is distinct, not a copy. But you must match and merge and flow with each other in a way that isn’t distracting, and that doesn’t take away from the whole. Like in the Ted Talk about how to start a movement (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V74AxCqOTv

When you’re starting a new venture, you’re all passion and enthusiasm. But can you expect your team to be the same? How much is too much to ask of the people around you? Why is that important for business?  When you are getting something new off the ground, you are often asking people to make your priority their priority.  You may have some basic rules – you won’t ask anyone else to do something you aren’t willing to do yourself, for instance. But there aren’t any hard rules about what is too much, because everyone is different. Ultimately, this is a conversation you have to have with your staff individually – you can’t guess where other people’s boundaries are.  Everyone has a different limit. Finding out what is too much has to be an individual conversation, but if you establish the right culture, that conversation gets easier to have. That culture has to be one where things aren’t left to fester; where no one is above anything; and where the enthusiasm and dedication that you have for what you do becomes c