Uniquely Brilliant Podcast

After attending a great conference, Diana springs the topic of the Truth on Becky.  When we don’t know what the truth is we can’t move forward effectively. How much of what we call truth is really just something we want? Whose truth is it anyway? We must identify how much of the truth we are working with. Natural talent only gets us so far. It can be much easier to help others find their truth. What is it that has us saying “I can’t” instead of “I can”? When we feel unsettled about something it is a sign we’re missing some element of the truth about the situation. Sometimes things have to play out before we can see the truth. When we are reconciled with identifying truth, it is easier to navigate reality.        

Becky and Diana explore the power we gain each time we evolve as a person.  Evolution is “The gradual development of something, especially from simple to complex.” It’s easy to forget we are in a constant state of evolution. “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” Charles Darwin We aren’t who we were yesterday. If we don’t evolve, we're a drag on the system! Zombification of companies occurs when they don’t evolve. Once we’ve evolved and gained new powers, we don’t lose them. They’re just stored away in our treasure boxes. Evolving allows us to build a foundation we can use to create bridges to others so we can establish relationships with them. The key to continual evolution is to remain curious.    

Becky Berry and Diana Bader investigate the gaps in understanding that keep people and businesses from reaching their full potential.  The generational gap works both ways. “We’ve always done it this way,” isn’t a legitimate reason to do something. Building a bridge of understanding between generations is the ideal. The first step in closing the generation gap is developing mutual respect. Anytime we develop better communications and understanding of each other helps us build and reinforce the bridge. Merging skills from all generations is game changing. The education system - how it values of certain skills, teaching methods and curriculum choices - also fosters gaps in understanding and respect. Maintaining limits and restrictions perpetuate gaps in understanding. Gaps also appear when we fear, resist, or are unable to re-imagine ourselves.  

In the 3rd and final part of their series on innovation, Becky and Diana talk about incremental innovation.  Incremental innovation is the art of tweaking. When we have Uniquely Brilliant minds, we’re naturally inclined to innovative thinking. Businesses are looking for people who can improve upon things without reinventing them. Many of us who are Uniquely Brilliant can identify problems and see solutions other people cannot even imagine. Some innovators do a lot of internal processing before they share their ideas, while others present their ideas proceed to process them out loud. Innovation can only take place when there’s space to talk about it and then space for people to embrace it on their own terms. As innovators, when we identify the pain points that people are experiencing, it helps those people connect with our ideas. We coaches use innovation to help our clients become the best versions of themselves that they can right now. It’s critical to detach from the outcome when we share innovative ideas.

In the second installment of their innovation series, Becky Berry and Diana Bader consider End User Innovation.  End user innovation creates something that fills an unidentified and unmet need. End user innovation can happen in the heat of the moment using the resources at hand to make what we need. Tenacity is a critical strength of end user innovators. Sometimes it is hard to explain a vision until it has evolved to a point where others can understand it. As Mike Dooley says, the cursed hows are a deterrent to innovation. Little innovations can have major impact on people’s lives. When we talk about innovation, we frequently talk about vision. Visions involve all 5 senses and include action and space, otherwise they are just pictures.  

Becky and Diana begin a three part series on innovation beginning with disruptive innovation.  Uniquely Brilliant people are always innovative. Disruptive innovation attacks the traditional way of looking at and doing things. Collecting data around the problem we’re solving makes our innovations more effective. Innovation is one application of creativity. To be innovative we have to be willing to fail and then try again. Questioning reveals where disruptive innovation is needed. Innovation doesn’t happen without grit and a growth mindset. Disruptive innovation always receives push back from supporters of the status quo.    

Becky and Diana discuss what it is like to be stuck and what to do about it.  We stay stuck because we are numb to the pain we’re in. When we’re first stuck, we thrash around and fight it. But if nothing changes we give up. We stay stuck when we lack the imagination and trust to believe there’s another way out or through our situation. Visualization is a great way to move towards getting unstuck. Neural plasticity in our brains creates neural circuits and new connections in the brain which allows us to change both our thinking and the way our brains work. Sometimes we have to put aside aside things when we’re stuck and pick them up at a later date. When we choose what we know over what could be, we are assuming that there are no better choices out there for us. We often create a gap in understanding our potential and the possibilities out there in the world that prevents us from moving forward. Numb is not a passive state; it constantly drains your energy. It takes some kind of catalyst, even something as sm

Becky and Diana talk about the difficulties that ensue when we take critiques and mistakes personally. When someone criticizes your work, do you feel like they’re criticizing you? It can be hard to separate ourselves from our work, but we must. We need to maintain space between who we are and the work do so we can maintain our objectivity. We are not the products/ work we create. Taking things personally is like donning one heavy coat for every critical comment and carrying them around with us! One of the most effective skills to develop for handling critiques and mistakes is to have a short memory. Quarterbacks do not stomp out of the stadium after a bad pass! We don’t need to poll others for approval. Being professional means accomplishing the role we’ve accepted in our jobs along with their standards and then performing to those standards. We are not the job. When we take everything personally, we stop taking risks and stop growing. The Learning Zone – where we grow by making mistakes, listening to critiq

Becky and Diana discuss Gretchen Rubin’s 4 Tendencies and how understanding them helps you develop successful habits. A habit is something you do without thinking about it. Most systems for developing habits tell you to employ either an “all or nothing” or “moderation” mindset. When working with others it is helpful to respect their tendencies. The 4 Tendencies focus on how you meet inner and outer expectations. The 4 Tendencies: Upholder - Meets both inner and outer expectations. Motto: “Discipline is my freedom.” Questioner - Questions both inner and outer expectations, but makes decisions based on their inner expectations. Motto: “Convince me why, and I’ll comply.” Obligers - Meets outer expectations and resists inner ones. Motto: “You can count on me and I am counting on you to count on me.” Rebel - Resists both inner and outer expectations.  Motto: “You can’t make me and neither can I.”

Becky and Diana explore the concept of surrender.  Surrender is a loaded word for many and can be misconstrued as giving up. Surrender allows you to release your grip on a particular situation. Surrendering to a plan gives you the space to find out if it works. Surrendering to a plan is an effective way to stomp down resistance to change. Surrendering to the boundaries of a situation creates focus so you can follow the course. Measuring progress and seeing results makes it easier to surrender. We can forget that we have surrendered before and succeeded. We tend to spend more energy fighting a situation that would have worked better if we surrendered. We can fall into a Lack mentality when we resist giving in. Surrendering in one area gives you space to focus on other things.  

Becky and Diana delve into the concept of control and why we try so hard to stay in control.  It’s all about trust. Trusting others, yes, but mostly it’s about trusting ourselves. There is a false sense of safety and security when we think we’re in control. People want certainty. Boundaries teach people how to treat you. No matter how hard you try you can’t change other people. Control actually limits your possibilities. When you exert control over others, you don’t give them a chance to express who they are and learn from the mistakes they might make. If there is a controlling person in your life, remember it is their problem. You are only responsible for your responses. Always needing to be in control can be very lonely. Positive reinforcement can help combat controlling people because it gives them the validation they need.

Becky and Diana discuss living “As if.” Live your life as if you are already living the life you want. Mentors are helpful as role models while you are moving towards your goals and dreams. What baby steps can you take right now to get the life you want? There is very little preventing you from learning new skills and gaining new knowledge. The “As If” process allows you to try on the life you want and see if it’s a fit. When acquiring knowledge use the platform and medium that work for you. Opportunities appear when you begin living “As If.” Find mentors who are only a few steps ahead of you. Act “as if” you have already succeeded. Living “As If” is an active choice.

Becky and Diana explore the concept of pronoia, the belief the Universe is working for you.  Why is it easy to believe that things are working against us rather than for us? Most people are more comfortable attributing the negative things “out there” to someone or something else instead of their own. Taking ownership can be equally hard when things are going well. Start looking for the good and you will find and receive more good. When you say there is enough you give the Universe the opportunity to show you it’s true. Gratitude works hand in hand with pronoia. You need to train your brain to accept that good things are meant for you. You actually get smaller and heavier when you feel negative. You get lighter and taller when you feel positive. Belief in plenty creates a bridge to opportunity. When you look carefully, you will see the Universe wants you to be the best you, you can be.

 Becky and Diana discuss the value of asking for help and giving help.  When you take on a role sometimes it’s hard to let it go even when you don’t like it. It can be the same way with asking for help. Micro managing happens when someone needs to take on all the roles in a project. It’s hard to share and ask for help when you don’t have a model. Helping and sharing tasks is a core attribute of animals, including people. It’s a key to survival. People may want to help but don’t know how. Figure out a way to let them help. Feeling safe in a relationship is a key to asking for help. Asking for help shows respect for the person you are asking. Asking someone for help gives them the opportunity to meaningfully engage with you. When you need help, it’s not always easy to see the bridge that can connect you with the help. It’s great if you can identify what you want before you ask for help.    

Becky and Diana examine the effects of burnout and share strategies to deal with it. Once you are burned out you have to take a break and assess where you are or you will continue to flounder. Do you have to do it all? Do you have to do it all the way you are doing it? Leading your life based on Essentialism helps you define what is most important and allows you to prioritize opportunities. You can burnout without boundaries and you can burnout with boundaries that are too rigid. Flexibility that respects the flow of life is key to avoiding burnout. Know the pace of your own life and live from there. Be careful what you take on and ask, “Is it necessary?” Are other people’s expectations contributing to your burnout? Surround yourself with friends who support where you are now. Teamwork, sharing the load, drastically diminishes burnout.

Becky Berry and Diana Bader discuss the pitfalls and positives of commitments.  You can’t make progress without commitment. Commitment creates parameters that can increase productivity FOMO (fear of missing out) is an epidemic in this country and it’s creating commitment phobia. Committing to too many things makes it impossible to be committed to anything. Over scheduling teaches children they are worthless unless they are always busy. The things kids want to commit to don’t have to be the same things as their parents. This is how they explore. Set a timeframe to stick to your commitments. If you’re in an experience that isn’t working out for you, make sure you’ve spent enough time doing it to give it a chance. Interest vs Commitment: Interest is thought. Commitment is action. Your integrity is built on how you handle your commitments. When you let commitments slide, your integrity is tarnished and so is your self-esteem.        

Becky and Diana talk about strategies to implement goals any time of year.  There is no “right time” to set your goals. Setting goals too soon in the New Year can be counterproductive because they end up being a reaction to the previous year. Goals should create action. Myth: Goals are set in stone. Check in with your goals on a regular basis to see if they are still relevant. The most important part of goal setting is identifiying the motivation behind them. Use the tools and systems that fit you and that you will use. Breaking your year up into laser focused chunks increases productivity. Dividing big goals into smaller ones makes them less intimidating to complete. Goals can be fluid to accommodate your life.

Becky and Diana remind us that no matter what we are going through it’s not forever. In the midst of a tough situation we tend to forget it will end. Action is required to both maintain the things we want in our life and to move through the things we don’t. People don’t stay in situations unless they are getting something out of it. Being grateful helps you shift from a negative attitude to a positive one. Just do! Make the best of what you have. The bottom line is to understand that you have the biggest impact on your own life. Believing things can change is a practice that shortens the duration of negative events. What you take in from the world influences what you put out to the world, and you get to choose both! “Whether you think you can or can’t you are probably right.” Henry Ford (also Buddhists)      

Becky and Diana explore the effects of carrying around extra luggage in our lives. When you travel light you have room to acquire new experiences and things. Luggage comes in many forms: physical, emotional, mental, and relational. Tolerating things and situation takes up time and energy and slow you down. Often we don’t take care of things until they are extremely painful or problematic. Urgency can be an artificial construct. Get rid of your excess baggage by setting boundaries, delegating, or simply purging. Letting go of things (and people) creates space and makes you feel lighter. Expectations can set you up to carry extra baggage. If you can’t get rid of your baggage by yourself ask for help. Don’t let the weight of your baggage hold you back. Let it go.