Intimate Interactions

Stephanie is a woman of colour who has been an engineer and an accountant. She identifies as asexual or possibly a demisexual, and an ASMR content producer - though none happen in this episode. She has a passion for travel and politics. She brings up the supposed deplatforming of Alex Jones, her thoughts on Ben Shapiro, gun rights, and antinatalism. I’m not sure if it comes up, but it’s important to note the mandatory minimum sentencing for gun owners from the Harper government’s tough on crime initiatives have all been overturned and no longer apply. As you could guess, this is a more political episode than I’d usually record and while it isn’t exclusively focused on relationships or ASMR (we get to that later), Stephanie is an interesting person to me and I really appreciate how we either agree to disagree or one of us decides to go away and research more. I welcome you to experience Stephanie’s passion and listen to us share, agree, and disagree. If you like the show, please tell a friend or write us a rev

Lisa and Paula are back again: two monogamous, vanilla, heterosexual women of colour in their 40s. They’re successful entrepreneurs and mothers and wives who met during their MBA programs at UBC. This session turned into suburban housewives curious about my lifestyle without any desire to change their current lives presently which is great. These kinds of cultural exchange are fascinating to me. We don’t have to value the same needs to understand each other; we don’t have to prioritize the same goals to appreciate one another and the challenge of pursuing those goals. Sometimes being at different places in life reminds us of the unique joys we have like families, children, and careers or in my case, the beautiful tangle that is the intertwining of multiple intimate relationships. There certainly doesn’t have to be a trade off where one picks one or the other as my numerous non monogamous parents will tell you. Love and Kindness in the world can be as ubiquitous as your circumstances and your heart will allow.

How’s your mental wellness doing today? Have you been getting enough self care lately? I’ve been somewhat sick and am probably going to cough through this episode. Our conversation this episode will focus on mental wellness in relationships and how trauma can disrupt intimacy. Our guest, Chelsey Blair, is an already-published Social Work undergrad who identifies as an activist and who is currently doing some cutting edge work in pioneering accountability processes for alternative sex communities and their leaders and educators. She is currently an expert volunteer on the Franklin Veaux survivor support team. As a content warning this episode and on tangents separate from any allegations against Veaux, we may talk about intimate partner violence and murder. For now, let’s talk about better mental health. How have you come to see your relationship to mental wellness? How do you see society’s relationship to mental wellness? What strategies do you use to cope with trauma in your relationship with yourself

Lisa and Paula are back: two monogamous, vanilla, heterosexual women of colour in their 40s. They’re successful mothers, wives, and entrepreneurs who met during their MBA programs at UBC. They were super interested to talk more about the results of their struggles with Sexual Shame, which we talk about mostly in their first session on Intimate Interactions. This session focuses more on arousal and the idea of a sexual renaissance. Lisa talks about her midlife awakening; that if she didn’t start asking for what she wanted, if she didn’t start living life, it would pass her by. Paula talks about burlesque and sexual empowerment. They mention their experimentation with cannabis edibles culminating in their high end cannabis edible, Trufelle, marketed towards other suburban wives and moms. They also mention quadrants of arousal. All of these things are linked in the resources which show up on Patreon for my premium content subscribers and anchor.fm for my other fans. Thanks so much for supporting the show! Resour

Today we meet Chelsey, a person working towards a Social Work degree at UNBC. She is a cisgender white queer femme who is anarchist leaning and is currently working as one of the humans pioneering conflict resolution strategies in a survivor support role. She’s also currently doing a lot of side projects. She is recently published as a feminist undergrad on the topic of practicing Non Monogamy in the context of Patriarchy. Currently she’s working with the women reporting they experienced harm in their interactions with Franklin Veaux. We chat today about what relationships are and how sex and trauma are political. Who are you and what is a support pod? To start with, what is a relationship and what do you think relationships are for? Describe the relationship you see between intimacy and relationships. What about sex is political and why? What kinds of relationships do you see as having the most intimacy for you? What is trauma and how does it impact our relationships? Resources https://vict

This Valentine’s day, I bring you a special interview that I got with Reid Mihalko. Normally new episodes publish on Patreon first and come out for free 9 months later. This episode is an exception and will air for everyone on Valentine’s day. If you find the quality better than my free episodes, maybe try out Patreon for a month and see if you like it. I have sessions with Sophia Sky at Pan Eros Foundation in Seattle and in a week am recording with the podcast hosts of Escape Pod about intimacy in being a podcaster. Escape Pod has been running about 12 years though the hosts haven’t been with it since inception, and is part of Escape Artists, a thriving podcast community. Finally, at Westcoast Bound, I was able to get Mollena Williams to agree to do some podcast episodes with me. If you don’t know Mollena, the content that human puts out is incredible. Alright. Enough promo - let’s talk about this episode. So, I was invited by Jazz Goldman, a comet partner of mine and sex educator living in New York to Reid

Most of us have probably experienced burnout. It can look like feeling tired, empty, sad, resentful, angry, used, or hurt. It can run from the first signs of resistance or hesitation around an activity to full, impassioned non compliance. When we play on edges like we do in BDSM sometimes or play with really intense feelings like emotional sadism or emotional masochism, there is a lot to think about in terms of what health looks like in this lifestyle and how we hold our own truth while trying to do things like service. We don’t always choose the things in our lives that will be feeding for us and sometimes those things are very complicated. Still, it’s nice to have people like Tillie in our lives to chat with about these things. Today, Tillie and I struggle towards clarity on these issues and hopefully leave you with a lot to think about in terms of service, burn-out, and self-care. Thanks for listening.

content warning: we briefly discuss blood play Sometimes when folks talk about a gold standard of service, they talk about anticipating the needs of someone else which is problematic to say the least. Getting it wrong is only human as no one is perfect. Accepting our imperfection is hard enough but asking someone how you can help can require courage. Asking for help ourselves sometimes requires more. So when asking someone else is seen as asking them for help on our task of anticipating what they want, we might shy away, especially if we’re a certain kind of human. Tillie is back to help us get clarity on this topic of anticipatory service, but first we delve into some early non monogamy experiences and learn a little more about who Tillie is. I’m excited to share our discussions on these two topics with you. I appreciate you. Thanks for coming back again and again.

Content warning for those of you who struggle with white supremacy, racism, stripping, toxic monogamy, shame...I feel like whenever I tackle really hard topics this entire intro is basically one big content warning. We continue the interview with Robyn Beatch today. We mostly don't talk about the KKK and spend a lot of time distracting ourselves talking about stripping, squirting, and teaching about sex. We then continue to touch a little bit on Robin’s childhood experiences and shame surrounding her estranged KKK father. We talk about relationship anarchy and solo polyamory and our frustration with media’s “polyamory dilemma” where two relationship options are presented as an impossible situation. Robyn shares some thoughts on jealousy.

Van Dwelling is for some a matter of necessity. For others, it’s a choice. What is it? Exactly what it sounds like: living in your vehicle. In some communities, housing is quite expensive. In some lives, being functional long enough to produce the employment opportunities and or funds to pay rent is quite challenging. Some organizations count van dwellers as homeless and what they mean by that word may be true for some van dwellers; yet why then would some choose this lifestyle? Selena is an educated former junior engineer who currently works as a sex worker at an agency - if you missed that episode, I interview her about her sex work earlier in the series. She’s pleasant, smart, and soft spoken - apologies in advance for the background noise. Sex work to her has nothing to do with why she chooses to be a van dweller. So why then is she so passionate about this lifestyle? Let’s find out on Intimate Interactions. Van Dwelling Tips: public pools have inexpensive showers public parks often have free parking

Irene is newish to kink. She started a sex and feminism blog where’s she's currently an avid blogger (thedesivibes.com) and hopes to be an educator one day. For a South Asian woman, that's not really a thing for our community yet for a variety of reasons, but I'll let her speak her own truth. Over her journey into kink, she has learnt a lot. Now it’s time for her to share some of that knowledge about getting started with you on Intimate Interactions.

Olivier creates community by creating events. Often those events involve playing various kinds of games. When he first came into the Vancouver kink scene, he created the Vancouver Geeky and Kinky munch which he has since moved on from. Today, the VG & K as it’s known is a thriving event on its own where people get together to play board games. While the underlying idea is that everyone playing is at some level curious about or interested in kink, my experiences there have been ones primarily about playing board games. There’s something relationship building in our brains when we experience fun, excitement, and curiosity. In a sense, there’s something relationship building about problem solving with someone even if you’re not on the same team. I’ve been thinking about relationships: how are they fun and exciting? How are they about solving problems? If you know you’re on the same team, even when you’re not trying to solve the problem the same way, to what extent can relationships be opportunities for probl

Orientation is for some, a lifelong struggle. Others rarely question it beyond their teenage years. I define orientation as the gender presentations to which one is attracted. Others might define it as the gender identities to which one is attracted. Others still might define it as the sexes to which they’re attracted. The distinction here is: are you attracted to what their internal idea of their gender is, to how they present their gender - the shape of their secondary sexual characteristics, or to the sexual organs themselves regardless of the shape of their body or their idea of what their gender is. I’ve had people on Intimate Interactions like Gavin, Levi and others who I think have had many years of reflection to make decisions about their gender and have been actively exploring what a non-binary space looks like for them. Today I bring on Irene, someone just beginning her journey into sexuality, orientation, kink, non-monogamy, and gender. Let’s explore what that looks like for her, here on Intimate I

Mark Hughes returns in this episode, discussing addiction and recovery. His history of encountering emotional abuse, homelessness, substance use, sexual assault, and prison didn’t stop him doing a twelve step program and getting sober. Faced with different body language as a trauma survivor and different class markers in his speech and expressions, social situations are often alienating for him. Yet the twelfth step of a sobriety program is helping others. In my opinion, Mark does just that in his day to day life as well as in this episode, giving us an hour of his emotional labour to better understand his perspective on middle class values, what’s behind substance use, and flexible steps to doing the necessary work and healing. I look forward to sharing with you this raw and intimate session of Intimate Interactions. Resources: Pulling the Trigger Podcast (http://www.markhughescomedy.com/podcasts/)

In this episode, Piper, one of my former domestic, kink, and sex partners is back to talk about jealousy. They share lessons of non monogamy that can often benefit everyone including the monogamous. These emotional self-management and interpersonal skills are useful outside of traditionally intimate relationships as well including in work environments, with clients, friends, neighbours, and in many other arenas. We touch on processing strong feelings, our former intimate partnership, relationship anarchy, boundaries, requests for support, and lots more. We list lots of resources though I only introduce three books after the episode. The rest will be available in the description or at intimatepodcast.com/books. Ethical Slut, The: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love 3rd ed. More Than Two Nonviolent Communication Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships Happiness Advantage, The

Hello, Intimates! In this episode, I interview Piper, a former partner and current relationship anarchist. We focus on what works for each of us and how we make what it work. We also acknowledge what didn’t work. When the phrase relationship anarchy is brought up, it’s important to mention it means something different to everyone. I usually remind folks that anarchy isn’t about not having rules at all but about not following rules one didn’t participate in creating and agree to follow. Communities come up with what works for them and everyone agrees to whatever social contract they want - however large (think region with laws) or small (think five or six people living on a farmhouse with expectations of chore sharing, etc). So too with relationship anarchy does it not mean the absence of order but rather a custom relationship structure where all involved people participate in any rules, principles, or values. It is a little more work, but yields a totally custom structure. I am even friends with monogamous re

Today’s introduction is long because we touch on some pretty advanced stuff. Thanks for bearing with me. Normalizing behaviours is key to getting rid of shame and stigma, the key to promoting intimacy on our own terms. Shame isolates people, and rarely is anyone made more compassionate for others by being shunned or disconnected from society. When we make distinctions between amazing intense, hot sex and - content warning - nausea inducing, head-spinning traumatic rape - sometimes very similar physical acts might be involved but in very different social containers. This is one of many reasons why an evidence-based, adversarial approach to justice has historically failed survivors. So is the primary difference just consent between those two acts? If consent is the jump from rape to sexual intercourse and connection is the jump from intercourse to meaningful sex, the same is true for BDSM. Consent is the jump from abuse to BDSM, and connection is the jump from casual hitting to… an indescribable intimacy. Meani

Each person offers a unique set of intimate interactions they want with you. They may want different kinds of sex, spooning, cuddling, hugging, kissing, or other forms of touch. And/or They may want varying levels of emotional engagement to meet needs like consolation, celebration, expression, validation, and many more. And/or They may want to live in close proximity to you by staying over temporarily or moving in - various domestic relationships. And/or They may be socially interested in coming to family functions or spending holidays with you. And/or They may want to share child-care duties with you. There’s no problem using prescribed sets of intimate interactions under traditional labels. There’s also no reason we should have to use them or be shamed for going off script. It’s also okay some people think these labels are all there is. We can pick and choose what we want from the Smorgasboard of Relationships so long as we’re consenting, informed adults. So why not share our best lives with as many people

Media representations impart behavioural instructions and give us clear information on what is normal and what is abnormal - in short: what we should and shouldn’t do. They’re also a warning of what the consequences are if we show we are different. If the media doesn’t show minorities at all or worse, shows us only in a negative light, it’s hard to feel like it’s acceptable to be out of the closet at all. If we worry our peers have been warned against us or given misinformation that we are [insert stereotype here], we may feel shame and avoid discussing our identity. In addition, when there are no good low level positions for a minority at a company - say in the media - there are fewer experienced minorities and then when hiring for high level positions in that industry, management complains the minority talent simply doesn’t exist. That reaction defends a broken system and blames minorities rather than focusing on the heart of the problem and asking what solutions we can offer. One solution might be to inclu

Stephanie Si is back to talk about asexuals and/or demisexuals like herself who masturbate and who find creative ways to have sex outside of the kind where a penis goes in any of the 3 major orifices. She calls it her “no 3 holes” policy. We briefly talk about Racism and the criminal system as well as the idea of sexual consent and the #metoo movement. We also talk about forms of ASMR like roleplays of boyfriend, husband, or sex; and forms of ASMR that perform a function like fall asleep, destress, or love and comfort. I’m super interested in making ASMR content, so let me know if you have any requests. You can reach me at podcast@victorsalmon.com. As always, if you like the show, tell a friend or write us a review to help other sex and relationship nerds find us. Stephanie’s Blog is http://thewhorelyvirgin.com. Stephanie also has a Youtube Channel called The Whorely Virgin. Here’s an example of her Slutty Sunday content.