Intimate Interactions

The author, podcaster, and blogger Kat Stark is back for another session. We talk about bisexuality, queerness, pegging, the fear of not being queer enough, heteromantic queer orientations, queer sex, being genderqueer and having a complicated wardrobe; and we touch on BDSM bottoming and service bottoming. You can find Kat Stark at https://onthewetcoast.com and their book “Yelling in Pasties: The Wet Coast Confessions of an Anxious Slut.” when were your first queer thoughts? how did you decide to experiment with queerness? when did you first feel like you'd had queer sex? how has non-monogamy affected your self-perception around sexual orientation? have you ever been queerly in love? how has being queer impacted your quality of life? how has being queer impacted how you see society? when did you discover that you might not fit into the gender binary? how have you struggled with labelling your gender identity? how do different social situations affect your gender identity? how has your gen

 Kris is a friend who describes herself as "an acquired taste who talks a lot" and who I’d describe as a psychedelic taking, van dwelling, wreck beach nudist since 14, free spirit hippie - oh yes, and she describes herself as “insanely polyamorous." While polyamory is about multiple loves rather than sex partners, some folks find it empowering as a term holding sex positive space for sluts, which it also is. The last time I spoke in person with Kris, we were in grade 6 together at Port Guichon Elementary School, which I remember as a bit of a hell hole with a couple of shining examples of excellent teachers and a principle who seemed to have it out for me. She was vice principle of the school where someone pulled a knife on me and her idea of discipline was to take the student’s knife away. When I moved, she was promoted unfortunately to principle of the new elementary school I attended where she supported Racist bullies who verbally and physically attacked me in and outside of school. Despite this, no d

Kat Stark is an author, podcaster, and blogger at https://onthewetcoast.com. They talk about their marital renaissance, slut shame, slut empowerment, overcoming non monogamy shame through consensual nonconsent fantasy, swinging, how the book “Come As You Are” helped them, the book “Opening Up,” and their own book, “Yelling in Pasties: The Wet Coast Confessions of an Anxious Slut.” It’s one of my most on-task sessions yet. How has sex positivity impacted your quality of life since you discovered it? do you identify as a slut and how is that significant? what did sex positivity or sex shame look like growing up for you? did sexual shame play a role in delaying non monogamy in your life? what did you learn about sexual shame from your mother? how did you learn about sexual shame from society? How did you find your way through sexual shame to a healthy view of your sexuality? how do you promote sex positivity now? How does sexual shame continue to show up as a struggle in your life? When you've

 Today I’m recording another session with my mother who was born in India in 1954. We dive deeper into her relationships with her parents, talk a little more about the early parts of her marriage, and about her university exams. Some of this information is also new information for me. We get side-tracked a bunch and my mother’s words can be non-linear due to her intense anxiety. I have sent the recordings to my mother, sister, and brother to get their approval before publishing and to ensure anything they wanted edited out got edited out. As always if you like the episode, please tell your friends or better still, take a few minutes to just write us a quick review to help other relationship and intimacy lovers find us. My mother also gestures wildly with her hands at times which I find quite charming but it does result in the mic getting frequently bumped so please bear with us. Please keep in mind, this is experimental content for me. My relationship with my mom is complex and *riddled with intergenerat

Today I’m practicing great vulnerability with my mother who was born in India in 1954. We touch on what her family relationships were like and how she built intimacy in those relationships. We get side-tracked a bunch and my mother’s words can be non-linear due to her intense anxiety She was always cautious when I was young of what she shared with the greater world. Truthfully, our relationship hasn’t always been the best. There was the rare instance of physical discipline like a slap across the face or the much, much more commonly the threat of violence. My mother and I have a complicated past and I’m mindful not to disclose too much so as to hold space for her emotional safety even if you don’t know her. It was a very hot and sweaty summer day when we recorded this meaning there were planes flying overhead but we decided to keep the window open. At a certain point someone turns on a leaf blower and I just closed the window. I’ve tried to edit it all out but you might still hear some of it.  My mother a

Status and shame stick with each of us differently and follow us through life. Today we meet Lisa and Paula, two monogamous, vanilla, heterosexual women of colour in their 40s. They’re both successful entrepreneurs and mothers and wives who met during their MBA programs at UBC. We talk about the issues that suburban housewives face such as wives and mothers putting their own needs last as well as assumptions they’re successful because of their husbands. As with most relationships, long term ones follow seasons of intimacy and connection. While there are many paths to intimacy, Lisa and Paula talk about their use of cannabis edibles to bridge across sexual shame through to a rich intimate exchange with their monogamous life partners. They put their MBA degrees to use started their own company selling microdoses of cannabis edibles called Trufelle, marketing to suburban housewives. For clarity, I wasn’t compensated for any podcasts with them, but they did gift me a box of Trufelle.  Today we’re talking abo

Had the pleasure of sitting down with Adele Barclay - Stranger to me so we take some time sussing each other out - Queer femme  - Poet focusing on intimacy and power - Published: “If I were in a cage, I’d reach out for you” is already out - Has a grant for her second book “Renaissance Normcore” We talk about - The ethics of vulnerability - Articulating vulnerability and the ways we protect ourselves in the process - Speaking plainly and the intimacy that brings in written art - The intimacy of domesticity - Authenticity when living with people who know you (like partners) - The way we mask intimacy when living with strangers - Performance of intimacy - Stuff sometimes gets in the way - Ways of performing intimacy authentically I’m excited to share this grant-writing, money-winning, queer femme poet’s ideas with you on Intimate Interactions!

Tillie King is a local queer femme bootblack. She describes herself as someone with mental illness. Some would say she’s one of the community matriarchs. Her perspective on intimate violence both consensual and non consensual is nuanced and interesting. I discuss the intersections of service, bdsm, and trauma. We make it accessible for new folks by discussing the differences between top or bottom roles and dom or sub roles. We also explain terms like feral, flagging, and mommy. We also talk about public displays of service and vulnerability. I hope you enjoy listening to our discussion as much as I enjoyed having it. 

  - content warning: white supremacy - Ranting and off topic is usual and can help with rest - What's your trigger plan for today? What do you need if you get triggered? - calm harm app - Do you use inappropriate jokes ever to cope with the awkwardness or anxiety surrounding trauma? - How does poverty intersect with trauma in your experience? - How do you feel white supremacy intersects with poverty in your experience? - How does white supremacy intersect with trauma? - What has healing from white supremacy looked like for you? - What does shame surrounding healing from white supremacy look like?

Elle and I chat about relationship anarchy and finding baby-raising nesting partners. Non monogamy and coparenting are definitely things that can work together. Enjoy our lively conversation and possibly the dulcet sounds of my trying to discreetly eat an orange while recording. We talk about time allocation and how hard these issues can be to navigate as a woman.  We briefly discuss how the gender pay gap is getting to a point where it’s almost entirely due to motherhood. In equal partnerships where both share domestic duties rather than assuming it’s the woman’s job (think “I have to go do some dishes rather than I have to go help my wife with the dishes”), even in those equal partnerships, the man will go to work and if it’s known he’s a father, he’ll make a little more than men and women in the workplace. The mother, however, will go to work and make significantly less than her non mother female coworkers. I’ve included a link as I find it both horrible and fascinating. We also recorded a session abo

Service is complicated Shame is powerful It might once have been complicated The results to me feel very simple Worth is hard to foster Coping with worthlessness is hard Self care isn’t obvious to many people My journey of understanding self care began with what’s called Compassionate Communication or Nonviolent Communication, NVC for short Thinking about what I needed helped Learning words for feelings  Needs Inventory Feelings Inventory Gottman’s Sound Relationship House

A kinky, nonmonogamous reserve forces veteran and former MRA discusses different cultures of masculinity and what healing has looked like for him on the road to healthier relationships with himself and his intimate partners.

Yana, a criminology student, discusses addiction, shame, abuse, and intimacy from her own experience and research.

An educator and former MRA discusses SOGI (sexual orientation and gender identity), GSA (gender and sexuality alliance), and the importance of curriculum. We discuss accomplishing learning objectives using content from queer and indigenous sources.

Yana, a criminology student, discusses the intersection of prison, gender, and addiction with me. We haven't seen each other in more than a decade, so we spend some time catching up first.

In Emma’s first two years being kinky, she’s learned a lot. We’ll talk about what she gets out of exploring submission, how service serves her, how she’s learned about this lifestyle, and what she’s currently still learning about. We also talk briefly about rape culture so that’s your content warning.

Relationships of all shapes and sizes require skills. While monogamy and nonmonogamy sometimes require different skills, sometimes they suffer from the same pitfalls. Emma talks about some toxic relationship ideas and monogamous ideals that don’t serve us in nonmonogamy. My Relationship Primer is available at https://victorsalmon.com/relationships

I chat with Selena, a sex worker for an escort service downtown about the stigma and dangers of sex work. We discuss sex work types, legalities, and resources. Resources are posted on posted about testosterone in older men and how women can promote testosterone secretion in men. We also discuss STI stigma.

Emma, a woman in a monogamous partnership is currently in discussions surrounding opening up her relationship. Today we’ll talk about why Emma wants to practice nonmonogamy, what she’s interested in practicing, and the preparation / pre-work she’s been doing to try to make the transition as easy as possible. We talk about Emma’s primary partner T and her emerging queerness and kinkiness. (Episode 23)

Shame expert Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti discusses her experience of shame and then offers some strategies (and a worksheet linked in the description) on transcending shame.