We Had A Good Life

FUN FACT: Episode 225 was recorded on 2/25! Neat! we're taking you on a journey where you'll discover new and exciting ways to creep out your co-workers, trust the freshness of McDonald's eggs, avoid awkward situations in public bathrooms, wear all denim, glue your vagina shut, use a pressure cooker, add another level of danger to your B&E's, create a glitch that releases 30,000 volatile prison inmates by mistake, build bigger jails, play with legos, and volunteer to go to SXSW!

In Episode 224 we're investigating fast food breakfast tech, learning Spanish, figuring out where to fit an 18" dong, using obnoxious American traits to get deeply discounted admission fees to parks in Japan, looking for arson suspects after firehouse budget cuts, robbing armored cars, pouring over police reports, and ice skating!

Look, listen: it's time to finally relax and focus on you for once. Episode 223 picks you up gently, and takes all of the guesswork out of blending coffee, which cows to eat and which to milk, getting your cow a cool Neo-Nazi haircut, where to take a date on Valentine's Day, getting dizzy for fun, allowing children to do dangerous things, selling drugs efficiently, convincing people to give you sea food, paying your debts with kielbasa, liking your job, having sex with animals, using fingerprints other than your own, and getting a warranty.

In Episode 222 we'll teach you how to: commit cow genocide to dominate the dairy industry, party like a teenager, smooth over one fireable offense with another and take a rookie down with you, smoke crack in the ICU, find that winning lottery ticket in your desk at work, spend a half-million dollars, and drink and drive legally.

In Episode 221 you'll be abducted and forced to entertain bored billionaires, re-live fifth grade drama, drug race horses, pocket-dial 911 from your meth lab, eat a fried chicken taco and a free continental breakfast, and more!

We're kicking in the door on 2017 a day late and a dollar short. In Episode 220, you'll learn incredible new skills like solving Young Jeezy's riddles, giving up on Spotify, getting weird and sad on your birthday, catching up on old emails and retractions, forgetting the awful previous year, how to best steal lottery tickets in bulk, how lottery tech probably works, how to exchange Christmas gifts for Whoppers at Burger King if you have a time machine, how to better understand and deal with the Mandela effect, never trusting your memory, kicking cigarettes with placebos, and staying community minded with local police reports.

In Episode 219, you'll discover new ways to: handle the Governor and his entourage showing up to the bar, explain to your children why robots are writing Christmas songs, buy your dog a new wardrobe with the county's credit card, use fire and Axe body spray to dodge arrest, mistakenly refer to CFC's as CDC's, use a gun to get the price you want on coffee, deal with fantasies of being taken hostage, use a city bus to make your point, smoke in public, get around loss-prevention officers in box stores, use tech skills to get a job in the criminal underworld, mess with service dogs on the clock, lose a finger, check out a new segment, drink your girlfriend's blood, and finally step up your local Christmas program to compete with Netflix. 

The power of Louis Prima, feeling confident about 218, starting the day early, techniques for finding lost diamonds, wedding ring warranties, buying jewelry locally, Email, a Squatty Potty in real life, Word of the Day, accidentally enabling alcoholism, TFBOTG: Fiat heir kidnaps himself over Thanksgiving, discovering Bread Face Blog, a gang of dudes are heisting guns in Florida, Deep Discounts: red barns and dying stars, HAW: woman burns a strip mall because of poor customer service, shopping carts are maybe expensive, Gift and a Curse: winning the lottery in Canada, and Police Reports! 

In Episode 217 you'll learn the subtle art of: buying a truck, citing your sources, blatant plagiarism, doing second and third Thanksgiving, performing security sweeps at Wal-Mart when you don't work there, burning things down for social media attention, being a rock star back in the day, stealing other people's music, wiping your ass as a caveman, getting higher than you've ever been and shooting at police, outsourcing your work to China, and the best way to apologize for tasing a woman.    

In Episode 216 you'll discover new and exciting ways to: cook with white pepper, consider other perspectives on Christmas, slash up your neighbor's above-ground pools, forge a Banksy, spy on Mike Rowe with secret drone tech, punch a lawyer out and bounce, better identify characteristics of an arsonist, set your patient's farts on fire, rob a bank with no weapon, and catch up on local police reports!   

In Episode 215 we're embracing Christmas, dipping back into good music, boiling life down to dank memes, contemplating the economical butterfly effect of selling sex and coffee, delivering babies on the cheap, beating little kids at football, getting around the security of self-driving trucks, feeding homeless people shit sandwiches, and catching up on police reports!

It's Halloween and that means it's time for another Spookstravaganza! We're having spooky dreams, breaking into haunted houses, heroically celebrating Devil's Night, collecting spooky insurance checks, dispelling sadistic myths, keeping our children safe, taking murder mystery parties too literally, keeping costumes woke in 2016, harassing women, choosing our favorite candy and getting ready for Christmas! Bring a flashlight, because Episode 214 is spoooky! 

Disney's positive moral values, Jessie, Saved By The Bell, Screech vs. Urkel, trying to gamble on horse races, Word of the Day, CMFE: ensuring no witnesses, jabbing a person's brain with their nose, ice is the perfect murder weapon, ice car, TFBOTG: protest by peanut butter, a simple B&E turns into felony kidnapping, biking downhill, the Booze Bike Bus, fighting naked, Tech Section: the SkunkLock, hot bikes are good business, motorized longboards are dangerous, BDC's Police Reports, brain games for pee shyness, the ol' piss-walk, beer parties, sleeping in the car, how may police on duty?, and legal representation via mp3.

We're joined once again by our friend, Taylor! We're talking about: Gambling on a taco truck, vodka, Email & Retractions, Cowboys, determining whether we're Indigo children, throwback Word of the Day, the other Nolan brother, staying at one-hundred percent potency at all times, Christopher Nolan is paid, the most perfect segment crossover: Hero Arsonist of the Week VS. Let's Do Some Drugs, CMFE: Diamond Eye, rap then and now, trapped in the 90's, Deep Discounts VS. Meat Head Street Cred: Ruth's Chris lose their ass in Ann Arbor, Hastings ghost town, and clothes for Christmas.  

In Episode 211, you'll discover semi-coherent opinions on Tom Brady's suspension being lifted, Gaia's hatred for STEM fields, how to better turn lemons into lemonade, inspirational presidential quotes, where to find a more savory less cumbersome vape, the patent lawsuit between Juicy Whip and Orange Bang, using Waffle Houses as a beacon in the storm, surviving hurricanes in one easy step and, how to better get it landlocked for life. Missing this episode would prove to be a flooper on your part, dum-dum.

Joining vape nation, e-cigarette flavors, energy ends the world, Email and Retractions, Luke Cage, keys to being a fake Bills fan, MDMM: Ranch App, incompetent employees, demanding refunds, blending Taco Bell with Taco Johns, Word of the Day, ketchup in the crosshairs, LDSD: woman hides gun and meth in vagina, a woman's natural advantage, people are setting up shake and bake meth labs everywhere, woman had colon connected to vagina, an undercover state lottery agent makes a bust, and TWAGD: mid-life crisis dad breaks bad to impress his son.

We welcome our friends Cody and Kyle this week! Topics discussed: Skyline Cincinnati-style chili, Pizza Hut food poisoning, bands on cruises, Joey Fatone, hair plugs, how money changes age, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, automating jobs and infrastructure, finding answers in the subconscious, what makes a mall successful, trying to speak to the English using their colloquialisms, the mirroring American, Word of the Day, Bill Cosby's legacy, whitewashing history, Huck Finn revisions, Fruity cereals, Jeopardy word association, Phil Hartman, Jon Lovitz, Andy Dick, relationships, The Game, the illusion of choice, Tinder, what Netflix is missing, Fuller House, blue comedy, repetitive rake comedy, man goes crazy after losing job opportunity, abbreviated word, meth head neighbors, being a private investigator or homicide detective, teachers and tenure, and going back to school.   

Manual sod labor, sod tech 2016, trusting big marketing decisions to musicians, Word of the Day, Dub's new Buffalo Bills hat creates a situation, going commando, t-shirts in the pool, LDSD: Illusory Bears, Jon Bon Jovi: Attorney at Law, rich rockstar privilege, Wells Fargo fraud discussed poorly, moving from podcasting to banking, fake Florida doctor tries to purchase a Jag, Hero Arsonist of the Week: setting it off for some Flamin' Hot Cheetos, Meat Head Street Cred: truck hauling bacon and ribs bursts into flames, the good-bad smell, Perfumes, Woodpeckers and kitchens, go-to shift meals, knowing how to learn, digital show fliers, and hitting up a show in Bozeman.

Hennessy, Pantera and speed limits, Cowboys From Hell, premium Spotify, four-shot Fireside glances, slim dudes and big dongs, Word of the Day, Email, A good man and father and police officer, intentionally vomiting on children, vomit as a crime deterrent, spitting is cowardly, kids don't belong at live sporting events, most and least metal words of all time according to science, CMFE: Twilight Sleep, morphine and scopolamine, Jessica Jones and Purple Man, power of suggestion, post-partem psychotic breaks, re-evaluating medical practices, Bank of America confirms simulation, Nick Bostrom's probable scenarios for the human race, the multiverse, impending financial crises on the horizon, offending people with simulation theory, evolutionary advantages, and running out of time.

Our friend Taylor McCormack joins us this episode to talk about aggressive no-cell phone warnings at movies, schools evolving for cell phones, How Is This Not A Thing?, Million Dollar Money Makers: hair savings accounts, Word of the Day, public toilet seats, stellar immune systems, re-examining Vlad the Impaler with Taylor, the crusades, Genghis Khan, horse armor, getting that Pope money, MHSC: Retractions, who to trust in the media, Florida is a meme, scorpions are the worst, making friends with spiders, CMFE: potatoes are a silent killer, and old friends reunite.