Your Kick Ass Life Podcast

If you follow me online (listen to this podcast), you probably also read a good amount of self-help books. Maybe books like: Wild, by Cheryl Strayed Love Warrior, by Glennon Doyle Daring Greatly, by Brené Brown Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert You Are a Badass, by Jen Sincero And I’m assuming over the last couple of years you’ve read and recommended one or more of these books to a friend. All of these books I have read and recommend wholeheartedly. All these female authors I hold in high regard. And all of these women I know have pain and struggle just like you and me. But, maybe you think they don’t have as much as you. Maybe you hold them in high regard AND make up a story that they have their shit together much more than you do. Hell, maybe you think that most women have their shit together more than you do. Well, I’m here to tell you: “Having your shit together” is subjective. No one even knows what that means. Society and you have made up a story about that. So, check your expectations. And more importa

If you read my book you know that in the the opening paragraphs I talk about how I had an all-time low in 2007 when I found out I’d been conned by my boyfriend. He had lied about having cancer to cover up his opioid addiction and I was pregnant with his child. This, coming off the heels of my first husband having an affair with our neighbor and getting her pregnant was not great news for me. But, it got even worse. December, 2006: I confronted my then-boyfriend about his drug addiction. He admitted it and said he would quit. He did for a few weeks, which coincidentally is when I became pregnant. January, 2007: He was using again. We had just found out I was pregnant, and in sheer desperation, I called his family and told them everything. They asked me to get him home and they would have an intervention. The intervention took place and he agreed to go. I really hoped he would get clean and sober, then we could have our baby and live happily ever after. You know where this is going, right? He went to The Meadow

I called San Diego home for 36 years. 36 years of memories-- joyful, painful, and everything in between. And in the six years I’ve been gone, every time I go home, I’m hit with agony. And for a long time I didn’t know why. Nostalgia is a tricky thing. This one was such a mix of feelings and emotions, I didn’t know what they meant, if anything. Did I want to move back home? Was I angry that we left? I couldn’t make heads or tails of it all, but I knew something was happening. During the summer of 2014, we went home for a vacation and rented a house on the beach. This area, Mission Beach, held many, many memories for me. I went for a run one day and as I turned my head to look down the boardwalk at other runners, skateboarders, and early morning beachgoers, I thought to myself: Everything has changed, but it’s all the same. I had changed. I had evolved and grown dramatically. But, it all looks the same. And for some reason, when I step foot into this city, there’s a part of my heart that remembers. Remembers it

In episode 200 I talked about noticing I had an upper limit problem. The following day, episode 201 I talked about even when you have success, there are still pitfalls of feeling not good enough. Episode 202 I talked about facing something big and important that challenged one of my old, negative core beliefs and put that all to the test. The pushed me out of my comfort zone. And then in episode 203 I talked about doing something big that not only pushed me out of my comfort zone, but carried a lot of emotional weight. So, I’ve created a handy-dandy worksheet for YOU that you can download and do yourself so you can DO THE WORK. I always talk to you about the importance of not just consuming the book, or the podcast, or the article, but to do the actual work. Now is your chance! This is where the real work happens! Click here to download your worksheet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Throughout the entire book launch (which technically is still going on and started back in the middle of last year) I have vacillated between being so overwhelmed with all the things to do, all the feelings of “not good enough”, all the pressure of having this be successful, the pressure of the spotlight, and the massive gratitude of doing this work. Maybe this is what they really mean by “having it all”. ALL the feelings. The fear, the anxiety, doing it anyway and also having love and gratitude and joy. As many of you know and many of you can relate to, I struggle with black or white thinking. It’s either all or nothing. And that’s how it’s been with feelings too. Given that I am someone who really only started to consider herself “emotionally literate” and then have any “emotional intelligence” in 2011 when I got sober, the last six years have been a learning experience when it comes to feelings. One of those things is being able to hold more than one feeling at a time, sometimes many feelings. For instance

In December 2013 my first book, 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life came out. That same month I headed to San Diego, my home town of 36 years (we had moved 2 years prior) to do a book signing. It was the only book event I did (unless you count the coffee shop book event in the city I was living with at the time where I only invited 4 people. No exaggeration, 4 people). I know a lot of people in San Diego. Most of my family is there. I knew people would show up and also, I knew the people that would show up. It was safe. Certain. No real risk. Fast forward to 2017 when my second book, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit was about to come out and I was faced with a choice: do I only do a book event in San Diego, or do I push myself with a book tour? Do I risk it? Do I face the uncertainty of this next level? One of my old core beliefs-- one that was born from men mistreating me-- is that I don’t really matter all that much. I’ve intentionally worked on this over the years and come a long, long way. And what I’ve noticed

In late October I sat on a conference call with the marketing team from my publisher and my literary agent. It was to be a discussion on how we (I) were going to sell the book. Many things were discussed in that hour + long meeting, but only one thing stood out to me. The person in charge said to me, “Pre-orders not where we would like them to be.” My first thought and what came out of my mouth was, “Well, of course not. I’ve barely mentioned to my community that it’s available because it’s so far out. Our plans for the big push were mid-November through January.” My next immediate thought was: “They’re disappointed in me. I’m failing at this. I’m not big enough, popular enough, or good enough. They bet on me as an author and I’m losing.” I felt the wash of shame. The marketing team was simply doing their job. Selling books matters to them and their bottom line. I want to make it clear that I was the one making up stories about what they thought of me and who I was. I got off the phone and cried. I called my

Today starts a new thing over here-- daily emails and podcast episodes (weekdays only) I’m calling them the DAILY DIARIES! I’ve kept them short, sweet, to the point, with lots of content to hopefully help you! Enjoy... It all started with a damn upper limit problem. Let me backup. If it’s one thing we all want-- it’s to be seen and heard. We want those loving connections with the people who matter to us. To know our struggles, our stories, and our celebrations matter. To know that we matter. And for some of us, our path includes being seen and heard by lots and lots of people. In 2013 my first book came out and I was catapulted into the spotlight. I’m not talking Beyoncé type spotlight, but a spotlight nonetheless in my industry. No one can really prepare you for this and it was one of the most exciting and terrifying things that had ever happened to me. More people watching, judging, criticizing and loving me (which can also be scary). Over the last few years I’ve been unpacking this and getting curious abou

For the month of February, I will be producing daily podcast episodes. You read that correctly ass-kickers - daily episodes are coming! The episodes will be shorter than the typical podcast format you are used to hearing. Emails with short lessons will accompany them. If you want to be notified each time a daily episode is released in the month of February, sign up here. Okay, now let’s jump into this week’s episode! I am so excited because my friend, Erin Stutland, joins me on the podcast this week. Erin and I have known each other online “for-eva”! She is a mind, body, wellness and fitness expert and the host and coach of the new weight-loss transformation television show Altar’d on Z Living. We talked about getting unstuck, over-analyzing, how to stop being comfortable with feeling crappy, self-care practices and more. In this episode you’ll hear: Erin provide tips to help get unstuck, shift your perspective and become motivated (4 minutes and 10 seconds) The “morning pages” concept, what it is and how

This week, I am rounding out the recovery series with one final episode. I have been so blessed to have nine amazing conversations with women in recovery. You can catch up on all of the episodes here. In this episode, I read two blog posts I wrote on the 2nd and 3rd anniversaries of my sobriety. Plus, I include some new insights along the way. From my 2 year sober anniversary on September 27th, 2013. I want to start this post by telling a story that is really hard for me to tell– and I tell it in hopes that it helps someone else. In May of 2011 I made my first attempt at sobriety. I made until September 26th of that year. I was active in my recovery, but in hindsight, a few things happened that were slowly chipping away at me. I kept hearing the voice that “I wasn’t that bad”…that I wasn’t like “those people”. Those alcoholics that told their stories, that had been arrested, had DUI’s, etc. The voice whispered that since that wasn’t me, surely I could moderate and drink like a normal person. On September 26th

You may have followed my work for a bit now and know that I talk about courage and confidence. And maybe you think “Well, I get it, and this whole ‘courage and confidence’ thing sounds good in theory, but how will my life be different if I learn to be courageous and confident and will it even work for me!?” Let me tell you what I was like in my 20’s. I was actually a really happy girl. I had great friends, a family that loved me, worked at good jobs, and was in a long-term relationship. Outside, everything seemed great and on a surface level I was happy. But, underneath I was struggling. I was unfulfilled with my life. In my relationship there was no trust and no real connection, and my friendships were good, but nothing deep and intimate. I struggled fiercely with perfectionism, comparison, and control. I NEEDED to control. I thought if everyone would just act like I thought they should act, my life would be so much better. When shit hit the fan for me in 2006, I isolated to the point of not checking my ema

Welcome back to another episode of the recovery series! If you are new to the series, I’ve been speaking with women about their addiction and who are in recovery. We cover topics such as alcohol addiction, codependency, and even food addiction. You can find all of the episodes here. This week I welcome back my friend and colleague, Amy Pearson. You may have heard Amy and I talk about being addicted to approval and feeling like a fraud back in Episode 118. This time we talk in-depth about her addiction to alcohol, her obsession with seeking approval and using blame as a crutch. Amy is a master certified life coach, a coach mentor, and founder of LiveBrazen.com. She is currently writing her first book, a memoir called, “Forgiving Amy,” where she shares her experiences with self-forgiveness. Amy has been sober for four years. Today, she shares how grieving the loss of her mother and feeling shame around not being the person she thought she should be led to her downward spiral into ”self-medicating” with alcohol.

As promised in the podcast episode, a quick (1 min) video explaining how roller derby is played is here. Also, the Whip It trailer because I love it when Bliss says, I am IN LOVE with this.” (which btw, many of the hits in that movie are highly illegal to the game, but I think they captured the culture of derby really well.) At the end of 2012 and early 2013, I played roller derby for the Junction City Roller Dolls in Ogden, Utah, skating under the derby name, Veronica Vain. A shoulder injury took me out and I retired from the game.   There I am, on the right with hair flying like Medusa. Lately, I’ve been thinking about going back here in North Carolina (more on that later), and it got me thinking a lot about the game and it’s similarities with life. Derby taught me a lot about fear, and other things, and in no particular order, here’s 6 ways roller derby can teach you about life. There is no room for paralyzing fear. You’ll get eaten alive if you stay there. Derby can be scary. Whether you’re showing up for

Welcome to another recovery series episode, and as we near the end of this season for these shows, our guest today, Lara Frazier, is sharing about her addiction to alcohol, pills, and love. Lara explains how her own addiction issues came from trauma in her life that she didn’t know she had, and how she found that she could just distract herself by falling in love. She explains that ultimately, this wasn’t the best for her, and how she really came to understand what romantic love and intimacy was (and wasn’t). http://yourkickasslife.com/194   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ok, I don’t even have a word to describe how much I’m looking forward to having you hear this episode. Terri Cole is a returning guest who appeared on the show way back on Episode 76, and this time I wanted to make sure we talked about codependency. Why codependency? If you’re a listener of this podcast, you’ll know codependency is something that I’ve struggled with and talk about often. In this episode we look at what it really is and how to deal with realizing that it may be part of your life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There’s still time to sign up for the free book club! We start January 22nd, giving you enough time to read my new book, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit. Click this link to purchase the book and sign up-- if you already have your copy (Audiobook or e-reader counts too!) click “claim bonus” to sign up for the book club. This show is another recovery series episode, and as always, I’m so grateful to have these amazing conversations with women in recovery. Today is no exception, as I’m talking to Carly Benson. Carly has been sober from alcohol and cocaine since August 17th, 2008, and in this she shares her own path to addiction, and eventually her recovery. A big part of what she talks about is the need to truly open up and be willing to do things differently, but first you’ll need to be honest with how you are feeling inside. This will allow you to process the things that are happening, but you’ll hear how we all wear addiction differently and it’s up to each one us to learn how to live an intentional life. http:

MY BOOK IS OUT! To celebrate, I’m giving $10 to Best Buddies International for every Amazon review from now until January 9th. (Scroll down for instructions on how to do this). Best Buddies is a nonprofit dedicated to helping people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. If you haven’t purchased the book yet, it’s in bookstores NOW (front tables at Barnes & Noble!) or you can purchase online. Once you’ve done that, don’t forget to join us for the free book study I’m hosting starting on January 22nd (click “claim bonuses’). ***************************************************** If confidence were easy, it would have been bottled a long time ago by Big Pharma and somebody would have more money than God right now. However, gaining confidence is not that easy. Years ago when I saw women with confidence, I thought a few things that turned out to NOT be true. I thought they were born with it. I thought confidence was in their genes. And clearly, I wasn’t born with it. I thought maybe I could fake it by

Happy New Year Ass-Kickers! Before we jump into today’s episode, a quick announcement: From today until January 9th, I’ll be giving $10 for every Amazon review about my new book, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit, to Best Buddies International, which is a charity close to my heart. Best Buddies helps people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. You can hear more about it and why it’s important to me in the episode. So, if you’ve read my book, please help me help them by leaving a review. Thank you in advance!   Today is another recovery episode with guest Arlina Allen. Today she shares how her career aspirations eventually led to issues with alcohol, how everything came to a head for her at age 25 and then how she was introduced to a 12-step program paving the way for her recovery. Arlina has been clean and sober for 23 years and in her own journey, she was able to see the patterns that were holding her back. Along the way she’s discovered she wasn’t a victim and did indeed have the power to make the

As always, I’m very excited about today’s guest, partly because she’s awesome and partly because we’re talking about a topic I wrote about in my book-- a topic Tanya Geisler is an expert on! Tanya has dedicated her life to helping women conquer the imposter complex, (we went into even more detail on the topic when Tanya previously appeared on the podcast). In this most recent episode we also look at everything from leadership to fear of success to cultural messaging. When reaching a certain level of success people feel they are going to be alone, that there will be a disconnect between themselves and others, but it really doesn’t have to be this way and Tanya will help show us how. http://yourkickasslife.com/189   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you’re a new podcast listener, you’ve found another recovery episode, where I have amazing conversations with women in recovery. Today’s guest is no exception! Tiffany Han is a writer, speaker, teacher and coach (as well as a fellow podcast host), and she has an interesting story of recovery. You’ll see that not all problems are problems with a capital “P”, and listen to how Tiffany knew she needed to make changes before her drinking became a big problem.It’s not just about quitting drinking, because you have to deal with your “shit” along with it. Sobriety and recovery are two very different things, and you are always learning about yourself. http://yourkickasslife.com/188   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices