Your Kick Ass Life Podcast

My personal friend and colleague Debbie Reber joins me on the YKAL podcast this week. She is a mother of a differently wired child and is the podcast host of TILT Parenting. Her book, Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World, comes out in spring 2018, which we talk about in this episode. As some of you may know my son was diagnosed with high-functioning autism, sensory processing disorder, and anxiety disorder, at the age of 5. In this episode Debbie and I share some of our own experiences as parents of atypical children. Plus, we also talk about how having an exceptional child can bring up some of our own complicated and messy feelings and how we worked through them. Whether you are a parent of an exceptional child or a parent of a neurotypical child; the topics we cover are meant to offer support and understanding for everyone, even if you don’t have children. In this episode you’ll hear: Why we tend to isolate when faced with the situation of having an exceptional child (3 m

This week on the YKAL podcast, I welcome back Lori Harder for the third time. One of the things I love about Lori is that she is at a top-tier level in her business and she is simply one of the kindest people I know. Lori has a new book coming out next week called, A Tribe Called Bliss, which I just loved and we talked about in this episode. We also talked about building your community, creating stronger connections and how to handle friendships that have changed over time (and may no longer serve you). Plus, we touch on gossip, why it’s so important to talk about and how malicious gossip is just a cheap way to build connections. In this episode you’ll hear How Lori created a tribe of her own and some ways you can too (6 minutes and 47 seconds) Collecting people can help you build connections and friends, including building your supporting cast and what that truly means (12:58) Good gossip and finding a safe space with a friend to talk things through (22:18) Having a conversation with a friend when the fr

Christina Dunbar on the YKAL podcast again. I am so happy to bring her back on the podcast, because she just oozes creativity and has really dedicated her life to healing from a creative place. You can hear our first conversation about using the power of voice, here. Christina is a performing artist, poet, producer and mentor to creative women. She is also the playwright and star of Dirty Me Divine; a one-woman show about sexuality and soul, directed by husband Chaim Dunbar. In today’s episode Christina and I explore owning your feminine sexual energy, as well as, learning how to heal shame through creative expression. Plus, we answer the question, can you truly be shameless? Before I began my conversation with Christina, in the intro of this episode, I do my own work by sharing my own experience with surrendering and making room for success of my latest book, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit. In this episode you’ll hear: Why is it important to own and trust your sexual energy (12 minutes and 47 seconds) The

This week on the YKAL podcast, I am waaaay too excited to have my very dear friend, Lisa Daron Grossman join me. She is a phenomenal life coach (I know because she was my coach!), amazing human being, and creator of the Connection Cure Project. In this episode we discuss the Connection Cure, which is a cross country project that utilizes face to face connection as a catalyst for healing and wellness. Lisa shares how it was “born” out of chronic illness and isolation. Plus, we discuss why it is so important that we are connected to one another now more than ever, answer whether or not some people need more connection than others and we chat about how engaging with strangers can be a good thing. In this episode you’ll hear: A human engagement project born out of chronic illness and isolation (3:27) Healing the body through micro moments of connection (9:26) How people whom have friendships and partners can still feel massive sense of loneliness (12:15) Why more than ever does it matter how we are connected?

My dear friend, Kate Anthony is back on the YKAL podcast this week to continue our conversation about body image. Just like in Part 1 of this episode, Part 2 follows the conversation between two women on their body image journeys, and the roads traveled so far. Full disclosure and for clarity: We are not body image experts and want to be very clear about that. Today, we further explore this topic and respond to some of the feedback we received from Part 1 of our conversation. We also discuss diet culture, in-depth. Join us as we awkwardly make our way through the second part of our conversation about body image. In this episode you’ll hear: Owning thin privilege and naming it (23 minutes and 10 seconds) What is diet culture, exactly? (27:33) “The lie about diet culture is that it’s healthy.” (35:28) Exercise is NOT bad. Rejecting diet culture was an act of revolution and act of self-love (40:50) Reflecting on our earliest memories of dieting, our mothers’ way of handling body image and how those experien

Hey there ass-kickers! This week on the podcast, Kathleen Shannon, co-host of Being Boss Podcast and founder of Braid Creative and Consulting, joins me to discuss her new book, Being Boss: Take Control of Your Work and Live Life on Your Own Terms. In this episode, we talk about what it means to be “boss” and how to cultivate a boss mindset. Plus, we discuss defining values and setting boundaries that align with those values (as you know, this is one of my favorite topics!). We also touch on several topics that will put you on the path to being boss and living life on your own terms. In this episode you’ll hear: Core values and how the value of decisiveness can help you move forward (6:25) Self trust, how is this cultivated? (10:38) Defining your values, what resonates with you and your story (12:27) How do we reevaluate our relationship with money? (13:24) Inner critic, internal freak-outs and surrounding yourself with your post-it note people (21:42) Thinking from your heart and how is this different t

My dear friend Kate Anthony joins me on the podcast this week. Kate is a certified life coach who helps women decide if they should stay in or leave their marriages and then guides them through the divorce process should they choose to leave. She is amazing at what she does! Prior to our podcast recording, we had planned on talking about a very specific topic. And then what unfolded was more akin to an open and honest conversation between two women, two friends, in their 40s talking about body image (trigger warning - we touch on eating disorders). We also discuss how our body image has changed and evolved over the years, the pitfalls we’ve experienced and more. This is not your typical episode which gets wrapped up with a pretty bow at the end. But neither does life, the journey is always evolving and changing. In this episode you’ll hear: Two friends plan to dance like nobody's watching, while in workout clothes (11 minutes and 23 seconds) Body comparison, cellulite, and managing your inner-critic (21:06)

Hi ass-kickers! Following February’s month-long daily diary episodes, we are back with guest interviews and our regularly scheduled programming. Today, I have an amazing guest with me, Bari Tessler. Bari is a financial therapist and mentor coach. She is also the founder of The Art of Money: a global, year-long money school, which integrates Money Healing, Money Practices and Money Maps. No matter what economic class you were born into or what class you are in now, money-shaming exists. Bari talks about how money shaming affects our ability to reach our goals. Plus, we touch on money stories, your relationship with money and how money can affect your relationship with your partner or spouse (and what to do about it). In this episode you’ll hear: Bari’s relationship to money and her own money story (5 minutes and 20 seconds) The origins of our money stories and savers versus spenders (9:43) Bari’s body check-in tip to help you build a better relationship with money, she calls it the anecdote to money shame (

Phew! We made it! Thank you so much for coming along with me for these daily dairies. It’s been so fun to put these together and thank you so much for your positive feedback (ask them for rating/review). I have a worksheet for you this week! As you know, personal development is about doing the work, not just consuming it. This week has been a mish-mosh of stories, all with their own lessons. Monday I told you the story of a dear friendship I had that had fallen apart and recently come back together. Tuesday was about my daughter and her baby bunny videos, and how they made her absolutely weep. And how amazing it was to watch her and how grateful I was that she allowed me to do it with her. Wednesday was about the ladybug infestation in my home office and how I’ve been watching what seems like their instincts to get outside, even though it’s not working for them. I have some questions for you if you might be doing this in your own life. Then on Thursday, I told you a story about ego, failing, and perspective.

This is a story about ego, feeling like a failure for 2 hot seconds, doing the work, and about perspective. Portland Oregon was the 4th of 5 cities on my book tour. My friend, Bari Tessler had recommended this book store, Annie Bloom’s, telling me how awesome it was and that when she had her book signing there, she had 50 people in attendance. Bari and I have about the same size audience so I thought this was completely feasible and we booked the event there. I was really excited about this one because one of my long-time clients was driving down from Seattle and a colleague I’ve known forever online was coming too. Plus, three additional colleagues had RSVP’ed and I was all around excited. The Facebook event told me 17 people had said YES and 74 were interested. I was expecting a great crowd! The bookstore had set up about 25 chairs and as the time got closer, there were 8 amazing people in attendance. Two of them were the lady I was renting an Airbnb from and her friend. Those 3 additional colleagues I ment

Since we bought our house in North Carolina, every winter I have a minor ladybug infestation in my home office. They gather on the inside of my window and crawl around, trying to get out. Now, I don’t know hardly anything about ladybugs (except they are the only bug I feel comfortable holding, I know, so weird and judgy against other bugs), but I wonder if they instinctively know what to do as they try to get outside and free themselves. And they try and try, but are trapped. So, every year around this time I do my best to gather them up. Because if I don’t, they die trying to get outside, and then there are dead ladybug carcasses under my desk and that’s just not good for morale around here. (Even though my only co-worker is my dog). And mostly, I succeed in this. I get my empty coffee mug, or sometimes just my bare hands and gather up about a half-dozen at a time and take them outside. LADYBUGS, BE FREE! I shout. It’s kind of exciting. And the weird thing is some of them don’t want to be saved. Or rather, t

A couple months ago my daughter walked into my office holding the iPad and crying. My first thought was a bit of panic-- what had she stumbled upon that had so clearly upset her? I opened my arms and asked her what was wrong. She climbed into my lap and showed me the iPad. On it was a video of a baby bunny. “Oh noooo” I thought. “She watched an animal cruelty video” and I braced myself for it. But, that wasn't it. As I watched the video with her, it was a person holding a baby bunny in their hand. Then, they pet the tiny bunny. Then, another bunny. Then, a group a little bunnies. And all the while we watched this, my daughter didn’t just cry, she wept. “Honey, why are you crying?” I asked her. “They’re just so cute, mama. They’re so cute and I love them so much.” Weeping. Just weeping. And I let her weep. I held her and we watched more baby bunny videos, then some newborn puppy videos, where she wept some more. And it got me thinking, how often to we let it all in like that? How often to we let all the feelin

In episode 203 I mentioned a friend of mine where she had broken up with me in 2007 when I had all that drama in my life. I’m circling back in this episode to tell you what happened. Here’s a quick timeline: 2007: She told me she needed a break from me, as her mom was ill and I had too much drama. She was right, but it was still devastating. 2008: My life was back on track, her mom was well again, and we were friends again. 2011: We moved and we lost touch somewhat. 2012: I wrote her a three-page letter making amends to her for what I had known and remembered I had done wrong in our friendship. I also told her how much I missed her and that I would love to have her friendship again. She emailed me, acknowledging my letter and accepting my apology. She asked if we could catch up via email first. She told me a bit about what was going on in her life, I replied and did the same. Then, nothing. I followed up with another email, and nothing. I was devastated. I wrote about this in my book, how I never knew what ha

This week I talked about some pretty heavy stuff. At least it was heavy for me. Monday I talked about tolerations and shared with you some experiences that a couple of my past clients had had, as well as myself. Tolerating relationships that aren’t working for us and our decisions that followed. Tuesday was about apologizing. Or, rather what I call “roundabout apologizing”-- prefacing requests or hard conversations with the message of, “please don’t think badly of me for asking you to do this”. Then on Wednesday was the story about the Over the Line tournament, and me being humiliated by a stranger in front of people. And how that humiliation turned to anger, which turned to rage, what I did with it then and what I do with it now. Yesterday I read you a poem. True confession, after I read that poem I had planned to do a Facebook live, but I needed a break. My whole body was saying no, and I felt like I just needed to be still, burn some sage, and honor what I needed. That was a doozy for me and like I was tal

Dear World, I’m resigning today. Resigning from the job I was given to make you happy and comfortable. I don’t remember even applying for this job, but nonetheless, it was handed to me. Somehow, somewhere, a story was bestowed on me and my fellow females. That we have a job that is an ever so important one. That job has many rules and responsibilities. A short list of the musts: We must smile. We must be pretty. We must be thin. We must be compliant. And the must nots: We must not get angry. We must not age disgracefully (whatever that means) We must not use foul language. We must not show too much cleavage. We must not share our opinions too forcefully and if we do dare share them, they should not offend anyone nor be disagreeable. And if we MUST say no, we must explain ourselves, apologize, and do whatever deems necessary to make the other person feel as comfortable as possible with our no. As I turn in my resignation, I have three words for your rules. Fuck. That. Shit. Because I’m done. These rules have b

It was the mid-90’s. A small group of friends and I went to the annual Over The Line tournament in San Diego, one of the city’s oldest traditions. OTL is known for its drunkenness, topless women, and just all-around debauchery. Some call it “Mardi Gras on the beach”. Hundreds, maybe thousands of people come out for this yearly event every summer and even though it was my first time going, I wasn’t afraid at all of the craziness we were walking into. My friends and I walked around, watched some of the teams play, and as the games wound down for the day, started to make our way towards the wide road which would take us to the main parking lot. Along that road were peoples’ Van’s and RV’s. Many of the RV’s had people hanging out around them and on top of them. As we continued to walk, I heard a man shout from about 30 feet away. “Hey you in the white shirt!” I looked up to the top of the RV and a good-looking guy about 25 or 30 was pointing at me. We made eye contact. He said, “You have a nice smile!” I smiled a

This week has a bit of a theme, and that’s about Raising Hell. What I mean by that, is that culturally, we, as women, have been taught to act and behave a certain way, a way that is acceptable and a way that will have us be more well-liked. And not necessarily outwardly taught to be a certain way by our parents and mentors, but taught by what we see on a daily basis. This is messaging we’ve received our whole lives. And one of those things is apologizing. For instance, a few months ago I had to email someone who's not following through on their commitments and making my job harder. This person would fall off in the middle of an email conversation, and not answer questions I had. But, then start a new email telling me something or asking me questions. I even asked this person if there is another way we can do things to make our communication work better. They said no and things continue to fall through the cracks. I knew this was going to be an uncomfortable conversation, but I called on my courage and started

Last year I had a few clients who were dealing with some “man problems”. In a nutshell, dating men who were unavailable to them. One was having a relationship with a married man, the other was on again-off again dating someone who had made it clear to her he didn’t want to commit. Both were in a pickle. This is what they were used to, it was their pattern. Whether the men were physically unavailable for the long term (married), or emotionally unavailable, these women just kept picking the wrong partners. Much science has gone into why we pick certain people. My favorite book on this is “Getting the Love You Want” by Harv Hendrix. Other interesting ones are “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment”  and really there are just too many good books on this topic to mention. But, what I want to focus on today is not just who they were picking-- which I think for many of us is an unconscious thing that happens-- but more specifically, what they were tolerating when they were already IN the relationship and kne

On Monday, episode 205 I talked about making peace with unfinished business. The old parts of ourselves that may still need something like healing, processing, something to help us move on. On Tuesday, it was about when I went to visit my boyfriend in rehab and his fake cancer, and him cheating on me with Debbie and mostly that episode was about finding your motivation. Your catalyst for change. That post and episode was quite a doozy! Wednesday was all about the stories we make up about other people that we think “have their shit together”. People we put on a pedestal, people we think are better than we are. Thursday, episode 208 was about trying to figure out what it meant by “my life had become unmanageable”. (Spoiler alert if you haven’t listened: it’s about boundaries, emotions and communication.) Just like last week, I have a worksheet for that pertains to all the posts from this week, but first a bonus lesson! And it comes in the form of a story... Last November I sat on a video conference call with my

I know many of you who listen to this podcast are sober in recovery, some of you are thinking about it, and many of you are normal drinkers or even non drinkers who don’t have a problem with alcohol. What I’m about to talk about is based on a saying from the “rooms of recovery”, but does not mean it only applies to us alcoholics. I believe it can apply to everyone. I want to talk about the term “my life had become unmanageable” and it comes from the first of twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable. And to be honest, I always had a problem with the whole “life had become unmanageable” part because mine hadn’t. I had a great job I loved, a good marriage, two great kids, friends, and life was pretty good. Someone explained to me that it was my spirituality that had become unmanageable and that didn’t seem right either. I mean, sure, I had moved away from spirituality when I was drinking, but still. It was also explained to me that it