Uniquely Brilliant Podcast

Becky talks about the different times in her life when people have tried and succeeded in silencing her because they thought she was too much and she believed them. Becky and Dana discuss the difference between saying that they don't care about something instead of saying it’s being important to them. Diana shares that when she doesn’t care about something, she works on reframing it as not being a priority to her. She also shares the story of high diving while in the Bahamas. Becky describes being told that she was too much as being “subtle and insidious.” It was never said aloud; it was implied in the way people talked to her and about her. When people label women as “too much,” it means they’re threatened by our ideas. Becky and Diana talk about how living by different norms threatens other people's ideas of how things are supposed to be. Diana talks about the book, Disrupt Her, by Miki Agrawal. They both talk about how they are disruptors in life and how they can both fall into  playing it small. When we f

Becky Berry and Diana Bader discuss the importance of bringing our whole selves to everything. They also dig into what happens when people only want to interact with a piece of us. Some notes: Our whole self is more than our individual pieces! We all wear different hats in our lives, but that doesn’t mean that's all we bring to the table. Diana talks about how someone recently wanted to experience only one piece of her in their relationship and they were unwilling to accept all of her. Since both Becky and Diana have chosen lifestyle professions, they have intentionally engineered their work so they bring their whole selves to their endeavors instead of compartmentalized pieces. They chat about this idea in the context of jobs that want us for only one skill instead of every single thing we bring to the table. Becky shares the story of how one of her best friends, Carolyn, became her best friend after she stopped seeing just one piece of her and opened up to seeing her more fully. Diana admits that she likes

Becky Berry and Diana Bader talk about the critical importance of honoring our energy. Diana discusses the many issues she's had to deal with over the last year and how her expectations weren't met when she moved back to her hometown. All of these things have affected the energy level she can bring to her life. Becky and Diana are trying to figure out if they are tired because of the seasons changing or if they are just tired. Diana is mulling over whether her issues are physical or caused my emotional stress. She goes into detail about her timeline of events that led her to moving and the intricacies of being emotionally done with everything. She speaks of having to finally “put down her sword.” Diana shares how humor is one of the ways she gets replenished and they both relive a story and memory where they used humor to diffuse a rough situation. As Becky puts it, they have both become adept at grabbing the things that restore their energy. Diana talks about how she is focusing on building her community. Sh

Recorded in May 2020. This was our final Pandemic episode. Becky and Diana are so tired of being responsible and having to overthink about everything! They chat about what we can do to lower our tension levels and bring as much ease as possible back into our lives. Becky talks about the coworking space she owns and how she is tired of having to remember the safety rules for everything. And, since it’s Becky, how she finds refuge and relief in reading. Diana discusses the intricacies of going out to eat during the pandemic. As Diana said, “At the end of the day, the only person I can be responsible for me is me. And how I act and how I react to what’s out there.” Right now, the only thing we can really do is do our best and have faith that doing our best is good enough. They also cover meditation and prayer.Our bodies can tell us both how and what we’re feeling. Meditation helps with dealing with responsibility by allowing you to create more ease in your life by helping you figure out what’s your responsibilit

How do you make plans when no one knows? We recorded this in May. It’s interesting/sad how the things we talked about still apply in February. Diana says she has had a hard time lately because she had planned on a lot of travel and connecting during this time in her life. She has been forced to reimagine her life and has received a lot of pushback from her own bad self, causing a massive internal struggle.  Becky discusses how incredibly difficult it is to plan anything at all.  The realization for all of us that this new way of living isn’t temporary is discussed. Becky and Diana talk about the uncertainty of the future makes everything harder. And the talk about why it’s necessary to trust our guts. Becky speaks on the idea of creating a container around a decision that determines when you’ll revisit it. Here’s how it works: make the best decision you can with the information you have at hand, and then come back to it in a fixed number of weeks. In between the time you make the decision and the time you’ve

Becky Berry and Diana Bader talk about how prolonged isolation doesn’t work for anyone. Diana begins this episode by talking about Harry Harlow’s experiments with monkeys that proved everyone needs comfort, and without human contact, we fail to thrive.  They also discuss the problem with texting: it’s just not the same as talking voice to voice. Becky shares her strange birthday in the 8th week of quarantine, and talks about how she missed the human connection.  Becky also confesses to being a good energy vampire (she magnifies the energy instead of taking it) because she needs people around her so she can recharge and connect. Diana admits that, even as an introvert, she is also sick of being isolated. Together they discuss the need for hugs and real face-to-face time. Becky has a hard time recharging without people while Diana becomes overcharged and very talkative when she finally does see people. There’s no balance - and no way to achieve it! They both notice how it’s hard to feel like yourself when you

Nature, mindset, kids. It’s all covered in this episode. Choosing to make it work is a daily choice. We can choose to make it work five or six times a day. Even with friends, making it work is different now. By using FaceTime and Zoom for face-to-face calls, we can make it work. magazine did an article about why Zoom calls are stressful. It’s because these meetings are not really face-to-face. They’re pseudo presence as opposed to real presence. We’re not sharing space – and it’s getting to Diana. On the other hand, COVID has given us the brain space to notice nature more. And those moments give us joy. Leaning in to the necessity of slowing down helps us make it work. Fighting yourself doesn’t help. To make it work, we have to rest. We’re constantly accommodating new things, and our brains are muscles. They need a break! Making it work can mean being creative by making do with what you have at home. Deciding when to do something on our to-do lists helps get it done! When we add it to our calendars, we’re mo

“Let your heart be your guide on all things, but you have to listen closely because it speaks softly.” ~ John St. Augustine   Recorded April 22, 2020 Everything is NOT business as usual. All of the inconsistencies are frustrating. The uncertainty gives us an opportunity to rely on our wisdom. Experience breeds confidence. Allow others to find their own wisdom. Creativity and wisdom work hand in hand. When the environment around you doesn’t change, look for other cues as to how to respond. The most important thing is to get through this experience whole. Allow for the possibility of a do-over. We have the right to rely on OUR wisdom above all else.

Not everything will go as you expect in life. That is why you need to drop the expectations and go with the flow of life. ~ Leon Brown Recorded April 14, 2020. What is the least thing we can do to make it better? Follow mother nature for cues on how to move forward. Surrender control in situations we can’t control. Surf the uncertainty of the situation instead of fighting it. We can only control our responses. Honor what we have instead of focusing on what we don’t. The slower pace gives us the opportunity to notice more of what is around us. Our constraints are only as small as our imaginations. The little things are the big things. As we go with the flow instead of fighting it, we get to pick and choose our way forward.

“Faith is not about everything being okay. Faith is about being okay no matter how things turn out.”  ~ Unknown Recorded April 7, 2020 Be a phoenix not an ostrich. There is always another side to a crisis. This is real life right now. Embrace the imperfection. We are grieving. It cannot be business or life as usual. False positive encouragement just makes us feel worse. We are getting reacquainted with ourselves. There is a major shift in reprioritizing what is truly important to us. Give yourself permission to feel all of it. Figure out what helps you get through the day. Do that. Some days are just going to be better than others, and that is okay.

“Faith is not about everything being okay. Faith is about being okay no matter how things turn out.”    ~ Unknown Recorded March 31, 2020 We can be a phoenixes and rise from the ashes of uncertainty. We can avoid being ostriches. It’s important to remember there is always another side in a crisis situation. Uncertainty is real life right now for everyone. When we embrace the imperfection, we get through it with less damage. We are grieving our former lives. It cannot be business or life as usual. False positive encouragement makes us feel worse. As we shelter-at-home, we are getting reacquainted with ourselves – whether we want to or not. We’re experiencing a major shift as we reprioritize what is truly important to us. We can give ourselves permission to feel all of it. We can figure out what helps us get through the day and do just that, no more. Some days are just going to be better than others, and that has to be okay.

“What if the whole world shifted from the undisciplined pursuit of more to the disciplined pursuit of less… only better?” - Greg McKeown (Essentialism) Recorded March 24, 2020 Essentialism helps us develop life skills. It adapts to life’s seasons. We have the ability to build great relationships by asking important questions like What are your boundaries? of the people around us. Understanding what is essential to those around you will ease conflict. It is important to keep what is essential to us in mind right now. Living in the moment is essential in a crisis and mitigates uncertainty. Saying “no” creates boundaries, enhances time management, and keeps us thinking clearly. Knowing what is essential to us allows us to manage more smoothly in a crisis and gives us a sense of control. Deciphering whether something builds us up or tears us down will show us which actions to take. Identify the things that give you calm and peace and allow yourself to do them. We recorded an earlier episode on Essentialism: Epis

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” - Nelson Mandela This episode was recorded on March 10, 2020 during the Novel Coronovirus outbreak in the USA. What the heck! moments happen when it’s hard to identify the truth. There are ways to take action using social media, but we may have to look for them. Our current form of community (social media, virtual) can make supportive efforts seem invisible. A scarcity mindset can send us into victim mode. It’s helpful to bounce things off people with different perspectives, instead of always drawing opinions from the same pond. It is easier than ever to go to the source and get to the truth. When we realize we have a choice and act on that, we become proactive and move away from being a victim. Sometimes we just have to let feelings wash over us and sit with them. It helps to remember we have made it through challenges before. What the heck! moments can lead to too much “What if?” thinking. We can break the cycle by focusing on what we can do.

Becky and Diana have mentioned the value of pausing in so many episodes they decided the concept deserves an episode of its own. Pauses allow us to gauge and check our perspectives. Stopping our momentum allows us to check where we are. A Vigilance Break allows us to stop before we start something and make sure everything is in place. Time-Out is a parental pause. If we don't take the time to pause, we can’t regain our perspective. Pausing prevents us from reacting to a situation too quickly. Do not pause and hold your breath! Breathe! We make more mistakes when we don’t pause. Pauses let us regain our balance. Pause = Rest & Recovery

Becky and Diana discuss how a change in perspective can change everything.  Perspective is examining things from a particular point of view. Sometimes we need to change our perspective on a task before we can successfully accomplish it. Since other people’s perspectives can shift ours, it’s important to cultivate people with the right perspectives. When we experience success in a venture, it can shift our perspective. When we want someone to shift – or we want to shift - we have to give or take the time and space to allow the shift to happen. Creating or finding a catalyst can help us shift. It’s important to be aware of and recognize when we need to shift. Reading books, watching videos and movies, seeking education, and being aware and open help all expand our perspective. Not everyone wants a perspective change. When we feel stuck, it’s usually a sign that we need a new perspective. Stamp of Brilliance:  Poll for perspective instead of approval.  

  Becky and Diana examine how we set ourselves up to fail.  It’s never intentional. We over estimate our resources. Things either fall away because they have to or we can choose to let them go. We often take an all or nothing attitude. There is never a perfect time to do anything, so what can you do now to change things up? Sometimes we have to focus on what is working and move forward from there. We stay stuck out of stubbornness because we know we can do it all eventually, but do we really have to? And do we have to it this way? We have to shift our mindset so we can recognize what is not working. We can create a catalyst to create a shift. Too often we find ourselves thinking: If it matters to me, and I matter to you, it should matter to you too. (Ummmm…not if you haven’t communicated it to me clearly!)  

Becky and Diana explore the games people play even without realizing they’re doing it.  A game is anything that prohibits straight talk and honest exchange. We can cultivate the people around us who don’t play games. Keeping personal information close and revealing it slowly isn’t a game. Parenting often unfolds as a game. Strategy is a part of any game. It can be used to achieve a positive outcome. Playing games is a learned behavior. We often don’t realize we are playing them. Being true to ourselves is the best defense against the game players. Games are often easier because there are rules to follow. Fear can keep us participating destructive games. Playing games is always about protecting ourselves.

Becky and Diana discuss how a fresh start can give new life to an old plan.   You can just start over. A fresh start makes it easier to start and leave the history behind. When we step up and identify a different approach to a situation it opens us to even more approaches. A fresh start allows us to see things with new eyes. Every fresh start begins with taking that first step. Resiliency happens when you believe that a fresh start is possible. If we can exercise hindsight, we can exercise foresight. Sometimes we have to start over to create forward progress. If it’s not working for you, start over. Whose plan are you on?

Becky and Diana talk about the different values we place on our gifts and skills.  We're trained to give away our gifts (talents). Just because our gifts come easily to us doesn’t mean they come easy to everybody. If our talents aren’t valued by certain people, we don’t feel valued by them either. Our talents (gifts) set us apart from people with similar skills. What did you want to be when you grew up? Do companies really hire for soft skills? It’s important to not take the hiring process personally. We can intentionally determine how much of our talent we want to give away (Becky has a budget for this). Sometimes giving our talents away for free doesn't mean we can’t have a larger payout. We have to identify and name our gifts and talents so we recognize when we’re giving them away.

Becky and Diana challenge us to assess the stories we tell ourselves.  Our stories are how we present ourselves to the world. All of our stories can be true, and we get to choose which one we live in. We can change the stories we tell ourselves. Communicating an attitude of gratitude in our stories makes it hard to stay stuck in the negative. Victimhood is frequently the default story, but it doesn’t have to be. Attachment to the past and to expectations makes us victims in our stories. What if things could work out better than we can even imagine? Uncoachable clients choose to stay stuck in their negative story. Surround yourself with people who value your story. Stories enforce our boundaries.