Parents Lead

When I think of things I want to do, it's easy to get stuck at "how." For example, the mail comes, and I want to read the mail. How do I do that? I pop the last chip in the bag into my mouth and want more chips. How do I get more chips? I want to call my friend but don't remember his number. How can I find his number? I want to wear my red shirt with my black pants. How do I know I selected the right ones? I want to go for a walk in the park. How do I do that without getting hurt or lost? I want to do some work on my computer. How is that possible? I could keep adding to my list as you could to yours. But here's the point. If I could see, the "How?" questions have easy answers. I just open the mail and read it, run over to the corner store and pick up some more chips, scroll through my contacts on my phone and tap on my friend's number, look in my closet and grab my black pants and red shirt, slip on my walking shoes and head out to the park, pick up my mouse and I'm good to go. If I could see, the "H

When I think of things I want to do, it’s easy to get stuck at “how.” For example, the mail comes, and I want to read the mail. How do I do that? I pop the last chip in the bag into my mouth and want more chips. How do I get more chips? I want to call my friend but don’t remember his number. How can I find his number? I want to wear my red shirt with my black pants. How do I know I selected the right ones? I want to go for a walk in the park. How do I do that without getting hurt or lost? I want to do some work on my computer. How is that possible? I could keep adding to my list as you could to yours. But here’s the point. If I could see, the “How?” questions have easy answers. I just open the mail and read it, run over to the corner store and pick up some more chips, scroll through my contacts on my phone and tap on my friend’s number, look in my closet and grab my black pants and red shirt, slip on my walking shoes and head out to the park, pick up my mouse and I’m good to go. If I could see, the “How?” for

(Guest Post) For those of us who can't see, getting what we need and most of what we want is at times quite challenging. Sure, it's challenging for people who see fine too. But for us, there are a couple of additional factors requiring extra attention. Let's give them some thought here. First, I'm only talking about those things we need or want that we would simply do or get for ourselves, if we could see. As it turns out, this can be a long list. I have discussed that in earlier episodes on BlindHow.net, so don't need to review the list here. Suffice it to say that we each have a lot of items on our "would be easy if I could see" list. For any of the items on our list, we have options. The easiest option is to skip the particular item, just get along without doing it or getting it. For me and most likely for you, the do nothing option is sometimes tempting and occasionally the choice we make. What we need or want is just not worth the bother right now. And that's okay occasionally. People who can see do t

In the last episode of Blind How, I talked with you about BATS: "Best Alternative To Seeing." I'm thinking that we should dig into that a little more before just moving on to how to do this or that without seeing. There is a major issue that we need to think through very carefully. With few exceptions, one alternative to seeing is to get someone who can see to do whatever we want done. If inclination and resources permit, we could simply have someone drive us wherever we want to go, read whatever needs read, cook whatever needs cooked, clean whatever needs cleaned and on and on. As the saying goes, we could just have someone wait on us hand and foot. You think this sounds silly? On the one hand, good for you. But on the other hand, many people who can't see, quite easily and without much thought, get into the habit of being waited on. To a significant extent, much of the time and in most situations, having others do things for them becomes their preferred alternative to not being able to see. Should we alw

In the last episode of Blind How, I talked with you about BATS: “Best Alternative To Seeing.” I’m thinking that we should dig into that a little more before just moving on to how to do this or that without seeing. There is a major issue that we need to think through very carefully. With few exceptions, one alternative to seeing is to get someone who can see to do whatever we want done. If inclination and resources permit, we could simply have someone drive us wherever we want to go, read whatever needs read, cook whatever needs cooked, clean whatever needs cleaned and on and on. As the saying goes, we could just have someone wait on us hand and foot. You think this sounds silly? On the one hand, good for you. But on the other hand, many people who can’t see, quite easily and without much thought, get into the habit of being waited on. To a significant extent, much of the time and in most situations, having others do things for them becomes their preferred alternative to not being able to see. Should we always

There is a critical difference between can't and haven't yet figured out how. This is true for most everyone, but especially true if we can't see. Sure, there are some things that depend on seeing, with no way of getting around that. Picking a few of the obvious: driving, playing professional baseball, visually appreciating a spectacular sunset and looking around the room to see who came to the party are currently not in the cards for us if we can't see. Even so, the list of things that require seeing is a lot shorter than most people think. And even for those things we can't do, we still have options. Driving is out for me, but I still can get to wherever I need to go. Playing baseball is out for me, but I still can be a baseball fan and enjoy the games. Watching a spectacular sunset is out for me, but I still can appreciate the joy others have when they describe what they are seeing. Visually scanning the room is out for me, but I still can listen and have conversations, gradually figuring out who all is t

There is a critical difference between can’t and haven’t yet figured out how. This is true for most everyone, but especially true if we can’t see. Sure, there are some things that depend on seeing, with no way of getting around that. Picking a few of the obvious: driving, playing professional baseball, visually appreciating a spectacular sunset and looking around the room to see who came to the party are currently not in the cards for us if we can’t see. Even so, the list of things that require seeing is a lot shorter than most people think. And even for those things we can’t do, we still have options. Driving is out for me, but I still can get to wherever I need to go. Playing baseball is out for me, but I still can be a baseball fan and enjoy the games. Watching a spectacular sunset is out for me, but I still can appreciate the joy others have when they describe what they are seeing. Visually scanning the room is out for me, but I still can listen and have conversations, gradually figuring out who all is th

If you’ve been listening to the earlier episodes of Blind How, you know to focus on the 3 ups: Stand or sit up straight, look up at others when you or they are talking and speak up so others can hear you without needing to make any special effort. This is useful advice for anyone, but it’s particularly important for those of us who can’t see. Why? Because some of us who can’t see, if not most of us, tend not to look at people with whom we are talking, are apt to not talk loudly enough and clearly enough to be heard easily and may get a little lazy and not sit or stand up straight. Why does it matter? We want to be taken seriously and may not be if we neglect the 3 Ups. It’s no more complicated than that. There is a fourth element for effective communication that I’d like to tuck in as the fourth up, but I can’t figure out any way to make it an up. Even so, it’s pretty important, important enough to label it as the key to effective communication. Without it, the 3 ups still matter, but even if you look up, sit

If you missed the last two episodes of Blind How, let me take a minute to catch you up. (By the way, you can subscribe to Blind How wherever you get your podcasts or on your podcast player. That way you won’t miss any episodes, along with getting the episodes you may have missed.) Back to catching you up. When having a conversation, look at the other person, whether you or the other person is talking. When you are talking, speak up, clearly and loudly enough for the other person to hear without any special effort. Look up and speak up. Sure, that’s good advice for anyone, whether or not he or she can see. But for those of us who can’t see, it’s particularly important, since we may tend not to look at people when in a conversation and may not talk loudly enough or clearly enough to be easily understood. If you can’t see but don’t have any issues with always looking up and speaking up, way to go. I’m just mentioning it since I sometimes forget and thought reminding you can’t hurt. Now for the third element to r

Let me just assume that you are looking at me when I’m talking. You are looking, aren’t you? If not, you may need to review the tip titled “Look At Me When I’m Talking.” If you aren’t managing that skill, speaking up will still help, but not so much. Although this may not be a problem for you, it is for me. If I get a little lazy and don’t pay attentionk, I tend to look down and mumble or at least talk too quietly for others to hear without needing to make a special effort to hear. I’ll bet you see where my problem starts. Sure, it’s tending to look down. Speaking up definitely hooks up with looking at people when they are talking. It’s important to also look at people when you are talking. It’s pretty easy for me to slip into not looking up, not looking at the person to whom I’m talking. People who can see are much more comfortable when they and those with whom they are talking can look at each other. Face-to-Face is most always the preferred mode. If they are having a Zoom call, they want the cameras on. In

When I was young, my mother told me and then told me again to look at her when she was talking to me. One time I responded by saying, "I'm blind so what makes the difference?" Her response? "Yes, you are blind, but that's never an excuse for being rood or lazy." I suspect that you get my point. For my mom, not being able to see was never an excuse for not doing what I was able to do. Even if I couldn't see her, I definitely could turn my head in her direction when she was talking and at least act like I was paying attention. I could look up and in her direction. That was at least the place to start. Success required feedback though. The problem was learning not to look too high or too low, too far left or right. I needed to focus on her voice and where it was coming from. The technique I developed is to focus a little below where I think the voice is located. It helps to shift my head and shoulders, so my shoulders are squared with the person talking. The best way to get this right is to ask someone who y

When I was young, my mother told me and then told me again to look at her when she was talking to me. One time I responded by saying, “I’m blind so what makes the difference?” Her response? “Yes, you are blind, but that’s never an excuse for being rood or lazy.” I suspect that you get my point. For my mom, not being able to see was never an excuse for not doing what I was able to do. Even if I couldn’t see her, I definitely could turn my head in her direction when she was talking and at least act like I was paying attention. I could look up and in her direction. That was at least the place to start. Success required feedback though. The problem was learning not to look too high or too low, too far left or right. I needed to focus on her voice and where it was coming from. The technique I developed is to focus a little below where I think the voice is located. It helps to shift my head and shoulders, so my shoulders are squared with the person talking. The best way to get this right is to ask someone who you a

Can't See seldom equals Can't Do If I tell you that I am blind, what comes to mind? Now if I simply tell you that I can't see, how does the picture in your mind's eye change? Likely the change is significant. The point is that telling someone that I'm blind seems to bring to mind a mixed bag of ideas and emotions about what that means in general and about me specifically. For the most part, people think about what I can't do, causing them to feel sorry for me. Of course, not everyone is so limited in their understanding, but most are. If instead I tell them that I can't see, people are frequently not sure what to do or what to say. This is good news for me. They are then focused on what they should say or do next and not on ideas and notions they have about blind people that may be true, but often aren't true for me - or for most blind people for that matter. On BlindHow.net, I share tips about things I have done and can do. If you or someone you know can't see, the tips may be helpful. If you can see, th

Here's The Thing Figuring out how to deal with it would be easier if I had an outline. I could just move from point to point, only needing to fill in the details as I proceed. Knowing what I was doing wouldn’t be necessary. I would always just be following the outline. I could easily convince myself that I was my own person, acting on my own initiative, but that outline would always be there. Once I figured out how to complete the current step, I would know in advance what the next step would be, and the one after that, and the one after that. Maybe not my plan, but I could feel like it was my plan. But what is the it in figuring out how to deal with it? Unfortunately, there is little difference whether it is life itself or the project I am working on today, whether it is how I spend my week or how to peel a banana. There is always an outline, a set of habitual steps or usual procedures. Most of the time and in most situations, I know what comes next. I need only follow the outline. Now and then, I come a

Scene 1: Were I to tell you that our protagonist in the tale I’m about to tell you is tall, dark and handsome, you might ding me for falling back on warn out clichés but we would likely get past my literary laziness. If instead I described the leading character as short, fat and ugly, you would probably hesitate long enough to wonder if you are interested in what happens. But if I were to tell you that short, fat and ugly actually describes the villain in the tale, all would be well. Were I to tell you that our protagonist in the tale I’m about to tell you has extraordinary personal skills, unique talents and access to exceptional resources, not only would you likely express no surprise, you would have been surprised if having at least one of the three (extraordinary personal skills, unique talents or access to exceptional resources) was not the case. That’s just what’s expected for any self-respecting protagonist. The villain in our tale may also have extraordinary personal skills, unique talents and acce

"learn from the experts." This is the standard advice for getting better at most anything. Identify the best in class (The BIC) for whatever you are doing or want to do, and then follow his or her lead. But how do you do that, given that neither you nor I is likely to have personal access to The BIC for anything we decide to pursue, hope to get better at? That one is pretty easy. We read his or her book, since The BIC in nearly any area most always has written a book, and usually more than one. We also will likely have little trouble finding an article, blog, podcast, YouTube video or an interview featuring The BIC. Whatever the media, the keys to his or her success are close at hand, with only a little digging on our part. But maybe not…. If checking in with The BIC and following his or her lead works for you or even seems like it might work for you, go for it. My experience assures me that it can't hurt anything. That experience also assures me that reading the books and listening to the interviews are

It may be shocking to learn that the bottle you are enjoying right now has a hole in it. It sure shocked me. Please listen and you will soon understand. (Sorry about the mic scratching. I tried to fix it but it was beyond my skill level.)

Be well, Do Well, Stay Safe and a Merry Christmas for you and yours.

When non-blind people think about being blind, they start from their personal perspective. The easy conclusion is that they couldn't do much on their own. When blind people think about being blind, they too think about it from their personal perspective. For me as a blind person, my conclusion is that being blind is a nuisance but does not stop me from doing most anything I want to do or need to do.

As you can tell from the title, I'm rambling again. I do have a new air fryer and I do have a gadget that tells me when the mail carrier delivers my mail. Also, we are going to have a new President and today is Veterans' Day. All true. Even so, I do tend to ramble.