Jack's Silly Little Friendly Neighborhood Star Trek Discovery Podcast

Jack welcomes Those Enterprise Cats to his feed for their maiden voyage with Enterprise! Barm talks about the Maxim Era, Sam puts on a fashion show, and none of us can get enough of Dr. Phlox and a Klingon in cornfield. 

Jack and Kregg get drunk and talk about TALES OF THE JEDI, the HOT 2022 little Star Wars Clone Wars-like thing that everybody STILL cannot stop talking about in 2026!  Does Dooku rule?  Does Asohka drool?  How drunk ARE these guys?  Is Jack gonna say "A SITH LORD?" like Sam Jackson?  What IS the Sebastian Equation?  Give yourself to the drunk side!

Christmas excitement is in the air, and Carlos is in rare form as he excitedly waits for his special Yuletide guests, the Star Trek captains, to come and answer all his questions about Star Trek Scouts!

Sam and Sean fly ALL the way to Japan to sit in Jack (Stovold, not Crusher)'s living room to talk about what is mostly likely the final onscreen appearance of Jean-Luc Picard, the series finale of PICARD!  Barm, Kregg and Kev opt to stay in their homes, but we celebrate BARM'S PERFECT ATTENDANCE RECORD!  We also chat about what is probably(?) the series finale of Mando, Breath of the Wild on the eve of its sequel's release, and yes, the episode where all the old people you love singlehandedly defeat the Borg forever and it's so fucking awesome, yay.  This episode will live on forever, or at least confusingly sometimes be dead, but also be back again, like Q.  Chingy!

THE BAD GUYS ARE THE BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Jack's partner in ape podcast crime Geoff finally drops in to see what the heck is going on in season 3 of Picard, as Barm and Kev's files remain safely partitioned within the decrepit body of Brent Spiner.  Against all odds, they're still enjoying this movie-like season of Picard and having the gang all back together at last, although certainly not without some caveats, some droid bar talk concerning a star-studded Mando ep, the New Jedi Order, how Changelings in space work, some wild coincidences, and the longest cold open in history.  Pull up a chair, pour yourself a Nepenthe, and dig in.  Fucking podcasters.

Sam is back to continue his strange and wonderful habit of only watching every third Picard S3 episode, joined by Sean for his second dalliance with the season.  Barm and Jack remain in the trenches, shell-shocked.  But their spirits are buoyed by one of Levar Burton's most moving performances ever and by realizing Brent Spiner is, somehow, still an actor capable of doing some interesting performances even after being buried under a mountain of Soongs.  They're also enjoying clarifying the story of Mario Sunshine, discussing the Japanese titles of Dominion expansions, imagining a sweet-ass Riker/Tuvok team-up, lamenting Discovery style "drama" and lighting issues, ranking Captain/Admiral's sons, discussing their personal favorite John Wick installments, and exploring their changing attitudes towards Mario 64 levels.  It's just business as usual. 

Sphere Lores and Moriarties and Geordis, OH MYYYY…..  We finally get to all the factories, and find this is where Picard Season 3 finally descends into nonsense.  It’s still entertaining nonsense with some well written conversations and performances, but yeah.  Ferengi expert Kregg joins Kev and Barm to talk about fan jerk-offs, more (new?) questions about Changelings, baffling Moriarty cameos, Soong Mega-Collection, Picard’s DEAD BODY, which Golden Girl is which Mandalorian, and mourn the death of Barm’s beloved betta fish.  Listen to this episode so that we can feel seen.

The surprising return of Ro Laren lures Sean back to the podcast to finally dish on Picard Season 3.  Ro SUPERFANS Barm and Kev also join the fun, as we discuss Picard actually feeling like Picard again, the silliness of Vulcan gangstas, what the new “jumping the shark” is, the possible return of the Crystalline Entity, Jonathan Frakes’s first, best destiny, introduce our OnlyFans, and wonder what the heck is going on in the third episode of Mando Season 3.  It’s as fun as when Ro Laren and Riker did it!

As Picard Season 3 wears on, Richard joins in on the fun, Sam checks in again, and everyone kind of agrees that they’re sort of enjoying it, kind of?  We fill Sam in on Worf and Raffi (missing from this ep), try to remember the deal with Odo’s bucket, find surprising parallels with the Yuuzhan Vong (look it up!), talk Star Trek books, delve deep into the mind of dipshit from Chicago Shaw, try to figure out why the hell Picard (the show) is the way it is, and talk more Mando season 3!  Stay tuned for an important public service announcement about men’s health.

Barm and Kregg (Sneed is in the previously on) return for more Picard, and everyone sort of agrees that this is maybe kinda sorta an improvement on the last two episodes.  Especially, a scene between Bevs and Jean-Luc has our knickers in a twist.  Barm also goes off on Boomers, Jack goes off on Zoomers who don’t know what Boomers are, Kregg is amused, but we all agree that Shaw is Gen-X.  We still can’t figure out whether Beverly is in Starfleet or not, but we do know Jack Crusher is the oldest-looking early twenty-something we’ve ever seen.  Packs a hell of a K-O punch, though.  We’re all entering a nebula of alcohol though, and wondering if the whole nightmare of Picard will end up being an elaborate prank orchestrated by Moriarty.  Plus, we celebrate some shocking Trek news and the return of Mando, and pray for Barm’s testicle.  In other words, it’s just a regular-ass Jaxilly. 

Ferengi expert Kregg Castillo, who is enjoying this season of Picard more than most, is back to help us figure out SNEEEEEEED, the first (speaking) Ferengi we’ve seen in live-action since that silly old Enterprise episode back in the day.  Does he pass muster?  Does WORF pass muster?  Can Picard EVER get its fill of literal heads rolling?  But we’re also talking about a much stranger configuration of G-Unit than the one you know, really homing in on whether Jack Crusher is supposed to be annoying or not, reiterating that birds are evil, wondering what Star Trek episode is coming out when you’re hearing this, and just having some fun.  Things are always better when there’s a Ferengi around. 

Picard is BACK, and of course that means the PD Crew is on the case.  If Picard can get the ol’ gang back together, why couldn’t Jaxilly?  But does the PD Crew LIKE what Picard is hawking?  (Shriking?) Spoiler alert: Not really, but we’re having as much fun chewing on this content here as Captain Shaw does chewing his dinner and also being annoyed by Picard and Riker and their harebrained schemes.  It’s early 2023, obviously, so Antman and the Wasp in Quantumania (remember that?) is on everyone’s minds, but we’re also comparing Jellico to Shaw, gushing over the Star Trek porn that is this season’s end credits, trying to figure out if we saw a Changeling, fantasizing about Picard going insane (or doing some actual acting), revisiting the Citadel of Galens, and dropping THREE phat new jams.  Season 3 of Picard may not be off to a great start, but this season of Jaxilly will have you ENGAGED. 

As Season one of Prodigy draws to a close (in 2023), Jack gets together with Barm for the first time in a while to discuss Prodigy and how the season finale of this CGI kids show packs in more classic Trek heart and soul than entire seasons of Discovery manage to.  But they’re also litigating the usage of speed anthems in early aughts racing movie trailers, talking Ludacris, trying to figure out what exactly warrant officers are, My Little Pony and other Jon de Lancie projects, and some surprising information about Dr. No.  It’s as explosive as the Protostar!   

Ring in the new year…. 2023…. in July 2025 (why not, it’s Jaxilly!) in this very special episode where three drunk guys are awash in residual holiday cheer and bonding over how this little Star Trek kids show that no one believed in is somehow building up to one of the most heartwrenching and tense finales in Trek history.  Over a bottle of smoky Scotch (among other things), Jack, Sam and Sean explain the surprising way Return of the Jedi changed all media forever, celebrate the triumphant return of Jellico, imagine a George Lucas / Ira Steven Behr creative partnership, fail to access the Jaxilly mailbag on mobile, discuss Bad Bond girls and how Sean likes Bond movies that suck, and just generally amuse the shit out of each other.  Here’s to another year of T’KUVMA. 

Rottweiler Kev is back for a body-swap Bonanza!  As they witness V.A. Janeway and Dal making a real mess of things in each other’s bodies, Kev and Jack reminisce on similar scenarios in Trek history, Jack shows off his hip-hop bona fides by declaring his love for numerous rap duos YOU’VE probably never heard of, Kev swaps bodies with someone who’d rather talk about ANYTHING other than James Bond, and they both are the first to hear what is surely going to THE summer jam of 2025! …. All the way back in 2022. 

Sam is back for Baby’s First Holodeck misadventure!  As he and Jack enjoy some classic Trek holodeck tropes, they also find time to investigate intriguing British changes to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, display their knowledge of various iterations of Jonny Quest, reminisce about the Year of Luigi, discuss what makes a good plane movie, try to recall fictional Marvel countries, elucidate what good can be Salva(tion)ged from shitty Terminator sequels, relive 90’s southern California talk radio, and in a very special Bond Talk session, Sam reports on his recent trip to London.

After starting out with some straight-up blasphemy, things only get worse from there as Jack and guest Sean Davis dig their way to hell with some Polish jokes and penis talk as they celebrate Pearl Harbor Day while talking about this CGI animated Star Trek show for children.  Aren’t you glad we’re back?  Don’t worry, we’re also getting esoteric with topics like the sovereignty of various Mediterranean islands, origins of nation names, alien lifespans, weird national borders, the origins of popular German stereotypes, what Prodigy does right with origin stories, and their final thoughts on ANDOR………… season one.   Long live 2022. 

Jaxilly, like the Romulans, is BACK!  Apologies for the delay, the hard drive with all the recordings was basically held hostage by a lunatic repairman for FIVE months, but it’s now back in my hands and repaired thanks to my pops!  Expect episodes on a regular basis, starting with THIS ONE, in which Jack and Geoff talk about Masquerade, the fourteenth episode of Star Trek: Prodigy!  It’s where Dal finds out what he really is!  And we find out what WE are, or at least what we were in November 2022.  Guys who talk a LOT about things like the return of Jellico, some surprising cast members, Elon Musk, the Outrageous Okona, the 25 Year Mission, and how Quantum Solace is better than you think.  And most importantly, the finale of ANDOR!  …. …. …. season one. 

  SPECIAL PRESENTATION: STAR TREK: SECTION 31~!  I know I’m sitting on a huge backlog of unreleased episodes, but we couldn’t wait to drop our thoughts on Section 31! Although since this movie is destined to be a perennial favorite I’m sure it wouldn’t matter when we drop this.  It’s a big boy packed with a squad as memorable and beloved as that in Section 31.  Enjoy!