Save The Marriage Podcast | How To Save Your Marriage | How To Stop Your Divorce

I hear it a lot. Sometimes from someone in the middle of a marriage crisis, trying to make sense of the pain. Sometimes from someone who hasn't hit crisis yet, but carries the belief quietly in the background — like a safety net they don't know they're depending on. "If it's meant to be, it will work out." It sounds like wisdom. It sounds like acceptance. If you've thought it yourself, I understand why. It offers something we all want in a painful moment — a clean explanation that doesn't require anything else from you. But I want to make the case that this phrase — as comforting as it feels — is one of the most dangerous ideas your marriage has ever encountered. Here's why. Our culture handed us an incomplete story about love and marriage. A story built on two beliefs so familiar they don't even feel like beliefs. The first says that finding the right person is the whole game — get the selection right, and everything follows. The second says that real love shouldn't require much effort — if you have to try h

"I'm just Type A—that's why we clash." "I'm an Alpha male. This is just who I am." "I'm anxiously attached. I can't help how I react." I hear these statements constantly in my coaching work. And every time, I watch the same thing happen: growth stops. The label becomes a shield. The framework becomes a prison. And the marriage stays stuck. In this episode, I'm examining three of the most popular psychological frameworks people use to explain their behavior—and what the research actually says about them. Spoiler: the science doesn't support what most people think it does. What We Cover: Type A personality and what the research really found (hint: it's not about drive or ambition) Alpha Male theory and the wolf study that's been debunked for decades Attachment styles—solid research that people are using in terrible ways Why these frameworks become barriers to change instead of pathways to growth The difference between using psychology as a map vs. using it as a jail cell Fair Warning This episode i

In this episode of the podcast, I explore why marriages feel empty even when couples are still together. The answer isn't about compatibility or whether you "married the right person." It's about three essential elements that every strong marriage needs, and what happens when they disappear. I'm bringing together insights from Brené Brown, Tony Robbins, and Jennifer Wallace's new book Mattering to show you a different way of understanding what's really going wrong. These aren't just abstract concepts. They are deeply wired human needs that your marriage either fulfills or frustrates. Here's what makes this episode different: I'm not just diagnosing the problem. I'm showing you why the disconnection you're feeling creates a cascade of other losses — and why connection is always the starting point for rebuilding. If you've been wondering whether your marriage can be saved, or if you're stuck in a relationship that feels more like going through the motions than genuine partnership, this episode will help you

You've decided to save your marriage. You start the process, maybe even make some progress. Then, BAM!  You hit a wall. A wall of fear.  Fears that sabotage your efforts, pull you back from your plan, get you to give up. But those fears do not have to be the end of your efforts.  In fact, those fears need not do anything to your efforts.  Fears and actions are not the same.  Fears are fears.  Whenever we base our actions on fears, we give them too much power. When you are working on saving a marriage, there are 4 fears that strike many people... and they may just hit you! And then, you have to decide whether the fears stop your efforts or if they are just "background noise." Which will they be for you? Listen to the podcast episode below. RELATED RESOURCES Relationship Fears 3 C's of Saving A Marriage Why Save It? Facing Fears and Moving Forward Save The Marriage System

When successful men feel powerful at work but powerless at home, something fundamental is missing. In this episode, Mitchell Osmond, leadership consultant and host of the Dad Nation podcast, shares his journey from rock bottom — facing divorce, depression, and 60 pounds overweight — to creating a framework that helps couples move beyond being "roommates sharing rings." Mitchell introduces the RISE Conversation Ladder, a practical tool for moving from surface-level logistics to genuine emotional intimacy. The four levels—Routine, Information, Story, and Essence—provide a roadmap for the deeper connection your marriage is craving. You'll discover: Why men often struggle with "normative male alexithymia" (lack of words for emotions) and what to do about it The eulogy exercise that creates visceral clarity about the legacy you're building How to ask for "emotional data" in your relationship before crisis hits Why your spouse doesn't need you to fix their feelings—they need you to hear them without flinc

Resetting in 2026 New year. Same marriage problems? Here's the thing: most people approach a new year with good intentions but no actual reset. They keep doing the same things, waiting for different results. And when it comes to saving your marriage, that's a recipe for staying stuck. In this week's podcast, I walk you through five critical resets you need to make in 2026. Not resolutions. Resets. There's a difference. If you play pickleball, you know what a reset is. When what you're doing isn't working, you reset the ball. You slow it down. You step back and start fresh. That's what we're doing here with your marriage. What Needs to Go (and What Needs to Come In) I break down five specific shifts, each with something that needs to be "out" and something that needs to be "in" for your process this year. The first reset deals with the most common trap I see: waiting for your spouse to join you before you start working on things. Spoiler alert—that's exactly backwards. One person always starts the process.

You started working on saving your marriage.  Good for you! And then, you hit a bump.  You get knocked down.  Maybe you discovered an affair, physical or emotional.  Maybe your spouse is irritable and upset.  Maybe it is anger and resentment, yours or your spouse’s. And it knocks you down. Enough that you think it is over.  That you are at the end. But are you?  Or do you need to get back up? In most things in life, we think the process is (or should be) smooth.  I fall for that myth all the time.  I think a project is going to be easy and straightforward.  Only to find a complication and difficulty at every turn. And guess what?  The same is true in your efforts to save your marriage. We talk about how you might get knocked down… and how to get up again, in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. (And if I have you humming a song in your head... I have succeeded with my title! You are my people!)   RELATED RESOURCES Dealing with Discouragement You Need A Plan Not A Wish, A Plan Your Support

Do you settle down with a good book you have read over and over this time of year?  I read my kids the exact same Christmas book every single year.  And many years, I re-read a classic for myself… like A Christmas Carol.  This year, I offer you a redux of a prior podcast episode… about the Ghosts of Your Relationship Past.  Yep.  Christmas, with new opportunities.  Here it is: Christmas Eve.  Chris and Holly have settled into bed.  Neither can sleep.  It is not, however, sugarplums dancing in their heads. Both are replaying the arguments and hurts of the past.  Neither feels connected, although both are desperate for that warm embrace each used to treasure. What happened?  Where did their relationship fall into trouble? Can they find their way back? But first, they have to make it through a night of haunts, as the Ghosts of Relationship Past visit them this night. Are they the same ghosts that haunt your relationship?  Is there a path through the pain? Listen in as Chris and Holly face the hauntings

You want to save a marriage... but you may not be sure what to do.  And I guess it is also a question of what not to do. BOTH what TO do and what NOT TO do, are important.  So, let's cover it!  In this episode, I cover 5 more to-do's and to-don'ts.  In an earlier episode, I covered 5 more of each. Why is this important? Because most people have the hardest time getting started (and continuing) when they aren't quite sure if they are clear on the path. That said, if you want an overall approach, please check out my Save The Marriage System HERE. RELATED RESOURCES: To-Do's and To-Don'ts Pt. 1 
Why You Are Fighting... and What To Do
 Why You Are Derailed... and What To Do
 Why You Are Discouraged... and What To Do How To Save Your Marriage - System

“Quiet Divorce.”  It seems to be the topic of article after article.  And the articles make it seem like, “No big deal, just happens, oh well.” But it IS a big deal.  And it ISN’T anything new.  Just another way of describing something we have discussed here often… the dangers of disconnection. I talked about this some time ago, when everyone was talking about Quiet Quitting during the pandemic — people were still technically employed, they just weren’t doing anything for the job.  They quit the work, but kept taking a paycheck.  I noted that sometimes, people Quiet Quit a marriage.  Which is exactly what “Quiet Divorce” is noting. People are still legally married.  But emotionally… not so much. Why does this matter? Because this doesn’t have to be the case.  You don’t have to be choosing the path of withdrawal.  But unless you understand what is going on, it is hard to do anything else.  Which is why we need to talk about Quiet Divorce… the Truth about it, and what you can do. RELATED RESOURCES: Why Co

It happens.  In the middle of a marriage crisis, you can find yourself surrounded by negativity.  A spouse negative about the marriage.  Friends and family negative about your efforts to save your marriage.  You negative, well, about everything you are doing (it is easy to slip into self-blame and self-doubt). Negativity comes from several sources:  fear, protectiveness, anger, resentment, lack of understanding, and lack of clarity. Regardless of the source, you may find yourself reacting poorly -- negatively impacting your capacity to save and improve your marriage. Is there another alternative? You bet there is! I would suggest four ways to respond that can change the outcome.  Listen to the podcast for the four ways you can respond differently to the negativity, making sure that you don't catch it yourself.  Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES: You Need A Plan Dealing With Your Resentment Dealing With Your Spouse's Resentment Grab The Save The Marriage System

When did it happen?  When did your marriage’s trajectory head in the wrong direction? Probably long before you thought, long before you could see it.  Almost always, it is a conscious and unconscious collusion between the spouses.  And it makes sense.  Life… you have to get back to it! After all, you are now married, and your marriage is set up to successfully face life… or is it? At some point, after lots of connection, you have faith in your relationship, faith in your love.  So, you hit the Pause Button.  You think you are putting your marriage into some “suspended animation,” so that you can get on with life — kids, careers, friends, hobbies, travel, etc.  You promise yourself(selves) that you will get back to the two of you again… at some point in the future (that often keeps creeping further into the future). Until one day, you (and/or your spouse) find yourself(selves) staring at a near-stranger.  A roommate (or housemate).  You no longer recognize the relationship you have, and it certainly isn’t

You want to save a marriage... but you may not be sure what to do.  And I guess it is also a question of what not to do. BOTH what TO do and what NOT TO do, are important.  So, let's cover it!  In this episode, I cover 5 to-do's and to-don'ts.  And in the next episode, I'll cover 5 more of each. Why is this important? Because most people have the hardest time getting started (and continuing) when they aren't quite sure if they are clear on the path. That said, if you want an overall approach, please check out my Save The Marriage System HERE. RELATED RESOURCES: 
Why You Are Fighting... and What To Do
 Why You Are Derailed... and What To Do
 Why You Are Discouraged... and What To Do How To Save Your Marriage - System

What gets in the way of you getting traction in your efforts to save your marriage? These days, there is one very substantial reason... one thing that keeps you (and many others) from making progress.  And it is only accelerating.  What is it? Distraction. Yep, it absolutely gets in your way, pulling you away from what is most important.  Pulling you away from priorities and opportunities. What is the antidote?  We talk about it in this week's Save The Marriage Podcast.  Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES: Save The Marriage System Save The Marriage Toolkit My Books

Is your marriage infected by the "zombie virus?"  Do you find your relationship to be the "walking dead?"  Are emotions lost and connections missing?  Do you and your spouse respond to each other with "zombie grunts?" The infection can be stopped.  You can fight the infection and heal the relationship. Don't allow the big 4 symptoms of a zombie infection to overtake your relationship's immune system.  Fight back and restore your relationship to the living and the healthy. Okay, to be fair, this is a “tip o’ the hat” to Halloween… but still an important subject! Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES: Pause Button Marriages Dangers of Disconnection "Can This Marriage Be Saved?” The Save The Marriage System -- DE-Zombie Your Marriage!

A listener had a question... and it isn't the first time I've heard it.  How DO you save your marriage when you feel hate for your spouse?  That does seem impossible to get beyond, doesn't it? I have some news for you:  many people (if not MOST) who are working on saving their marriage are NOT having warm and fuzzy feelings for their spouse. In fact, they are likely to be just as hurt, just as frustrated, and just as unsure as their spouse. But there is a difference:  They think that working on their marriage... even when feeling upset and hurt, is important.  Important enough to choose to act in spite of those feelings. You may be thinking, "Wait, I can't act differently than I am feeling!" But with just a little reflection, most people realize they do it every single day.  "Not feeling it," but still going to work.  Upset about your finances, but still paying the bills.  Angry about something, but not taking it out on someone. See what I mean? We all do that all the time.  Why?  Because something is

Are you an AI user?  Do you find yourself chatting with AI about things in your life? How about regarding your marriage?? If you are using AI as a resource to save your marriage, I have one suggestion:  STOP! Over the past few years (as AI chats have become more popular), I have heard from more and more people about how AI marked the end of their marriage.  Some reported a spouse becoming enamored with the chat.  Some reported a spouse "discovering" from AI that they needed to end the marriage (which is less about the wisdom of AI, and more the result of how AI is built). Some have reported a spouse (or even themselves) asking for advice on how to respond to an argument. The end results? Certainly, not improvements in the marriage.  Mostly, the outcome was poor.  To the point of divorce, in many cases. This isn't the fault of AI.  It was never intended for this purpose. But since so many people are turning to AI these days, I thought it might be time for us to talk about this (I first typed "chat," but

Do you ever start on some new habit you heard about, maybe about the best diet or exercise, only to find that it isn’t true later on?  And have you ever discovered it was actually even worse for you? (Just think about margarine or “low fat” diets, or even diet drinks!) You think you are doing the right thing, and it turns out the “right thing” is actually the wrong thing.  And you are even worse off than before! Your marriage is in trouble and you want to save it.  So, you start gathering your information.  That is the starting point, right?  And as they say, “Knowledge is power.”  Except, of course, when the “knowledge” is myth.  False information. Worse yet, that information can do harm to your relationship. I need to let you in on a little secret:  just because it says it can help you save your marriage, that does not mean it will fit together with other approaches… or that it will even fit for you!  We get into the habit of grouping things together when they seem to be in the same subject area. But t

Question:  does an affair cause marital problems or do marital problems cause affairs? Answer:  YES. Longer answer:  for the majority of affairs, weak points in the marriage create a vulnerability to infidelity.  There is another necessary element... but problems do cause vulnerability.  But when infidelity is committed, the problem deepens.  Affairs end up creating both a personal and a marital crisis... often for both spouses. And then, there is the aftermath... what comes AFTER the affair is ended. In this episode of the podcast, I tackle two submitted questions: "What causes an affair?  Why did it happen in OUR marriage?" and "What is the typical aftermath in an affair for the spouse who broke it off?" In these two cases, the questions are not academic.  They are wound up in the marital crisis that is unwinding... or stuck... and infidelity is a major issue. If you are in the midst of a marital crisis, your relationship could be vulnerable... and if your spouse (or you) has committed infidelity,

Have you found yourself in the middle of an argument, toe-to-toe with your spouse, with that little part of your brain saying, "why am I even arguing over this?  It doesn't matter"? I ask, because I have had that experience MANY times in my life, both with my wife and with others. It is tragic that those arguments erupt in all our lives.  They are not the big things, but the small things.  And that is the tragic part:  many marriages die from a thousand nicks.  It is often not the big deals, but the tiny things.  In fact, many times, the big deals are a result of the lifeblood lost on the tiny things. Which raises the question:  WHY do we have these arguments?  Why do we bicker?  (Check out the podcast below) And then, the second question:  HOW to change this pattern?  (Check out the podcast below) RELATED RESOURCES: Control Disconnect Problems with Therapy  My System Article:  Conflict Isn't The Problem