"do It Already!"

Ask God for discernment. “The Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding” (Proverbs 2:6). Things like gender differences, family backgrounds, and varied life experiences can cloud your ability to know your mate’s heart and motivations. But God is a giver of wisdom. He can show you what you need in order to know how to love your spouse better. “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches” (Proverbs 24:3–4). There is a depth of beauty and meaning inside your wife or husband that will amaze you as you discover more of it. Enter the mystery with expectation and enthusiasm. Desire to know this person even better than you do now. Make him or her your chosen field of study, and you will fill your home with the kind of riches only love can provide. TODAY'S DARE Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know y

This may be an area where you’ve failed in the past. If so, don’t expect your mate to immediately give you wide-open access to their heart. You must begin to rebuild trust slowly. To stop avoiding them and start talking. To listen compassionately, accept them more genuinely, and then love them more deeply. Jesus Himself is described as One who doesn’t barge into people’s lives but who stands at the door and knocks. He said, “If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me” (Revelation 3:20). The reality of intimacy always takes time to develop, especially after being compromised. But it is worth the endless treasures found beneath its guarded lock. Your loving commitment to reestablishing it may be the key to opening it—for anyone willing to take the dare. TODAY'S DARE Begin building emotional intimacy with your mate. Determine today to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse a

Do you feel like giving up on your marriage? Jesus said to pray instead of quitting (Luke 18:1). Are you stressed out and worried? Prayer can bring peace to your storms (Philippians 4:6–7). Do you need a major breakthrough? Prayer can make the difference (Acts 12:1–17). One of the most loving things you can ever do for your spouse is to pray for them. “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7). TODAY'S DARE Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage. ____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare. Have you experienced the power of prayer in the past? What did you choose to pray about? Was it easy for you, or did it feel foreign to you? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jeff-hay/message

But when your attempts at honor go unreciprocated, you are to be honorable just the same, seeking ways to give honor to your mate. That’s what love dares to do—to say, “Of all the relationships I have, I will value ours the most. Of all the people for whom I’m willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for you. With all your failures, sins, mistakes, and faults—past and present—I still choose the God-honoring way to a better marriage and a better life. I choose to love and honor you.” That’s how you create an atmosphere in your marriage for love to be rekindled. That’s how you lead dishonor out the door and then lead your heart to truly love your mate again. That’s the beauty of honor. TODAY'S DARE Choose to begin showing greater honor to your spouse above your normal tendency. Begin by listening more attentively and respectfully to your husband or wife. Let your mate see how you give greater weight to their words and requests. Show that he or she is receiving higher esteem in your eyes than before. ____

Today’s dare may be directing you to a real and radical change. For some, the move toward delight may only be a small step away. For others, it may require a giant leap from ongoing disgust. But if you’ve been delighted before—which you were when you first got married—you can be delighted again, even if it’s been a long time, even if a whole lot has happened to change your perceptions. The responsibility is yours to relearn what you love about the one to whom you’ve promised forever. TODAY'S DARE Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Make the choice to enjoy your time together. ____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare. What did you decide to give up? What did you do together? How did it go? What new thing did you learn (or relearn) about your spouse? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jeff-hay/message

Me” boundaries are rules you personally practice on your own. Here are some of the most effective examples: 1. I will listen first before speaking. “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19). The one who listens first consistently has the advantage in a fight. You should always approach sensitive issues by respectfully asking questions rather than making assumptions or unleashing accusations. 2. I will deal with my own issues up-front. “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3). If you quickly admit where you were wrong and apologize first, you disarm your spouse and neutralize the ammo they were using against you while leading the way for them to deal with their mistakes as well. 3. I will speak gently and keep my voice down. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). People tend to mirror their enemy in a fight. The more intense you get, the mor

Are you willing to bend to demonstrate love to your spouse? Or are you refusing to give in because of pride? If it doesn’t matter in the long run—especially in eternity—then giving up your rights will be a loving way to bring delight and honor to the one you love. It will likely be good for you and for your marriage. Surrendering a battle may actually be the best way to greater victory. TODAY'S DARE Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first. ____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare. What issue did you choose? What did giving in cost you? How will this help you in the future? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jeff-hay/message

Whenever a husband looks into the eyes of his wife, he should remember that “he who loves his wife loves himself.” And a wife should remember that when she loves him, she is also giving love and honor to herself. When you look at your mate, you’re looking at a part of you. So treat her well. Speak highly of him. Nourish and cherish the love of your life. TODAY'S DARE How can you warm the heart of your spouse today? Look for opportunities to bring warmth to the coldness in his or her life. If possible, give them an unexpected, tender touch. Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you.” And do it with sincerity. ____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare. How did you choose to show that you cherish your mate? What did you learn from this experience? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jeff-hay/message

The Scriptures say that “neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38–39). This is God’s kind of love. And thankfully—by your choice—it can become your kind of love. But first you must receive it and share it. And then, regardless of circumstances and feelings, you and your spouse can begin living confidently and securely under its shade. You will no longer say, “I love you because . . .” You will now say, “I love you, period.” TODAY'S DARE Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse—something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage. ____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare. Ha

Countless widows and widowers could tell us with tears in their eyes what it would mean for them to have one more chance to greet, kiss, and hold their spouses again. Since we each have no guarantee of tomorrow, every new day with our spouse is a gift from God for us to cherish and enjoy. Think about your greeting. Do you use it well? Does your spouse feel appreciated? Do they feel loved? Even when you’re not getting along too well, you can lessen the tension and help turn things around by the way you bless them when you greet them. Remember, love is a choice. So choose to love them at “Hello!” TODAY'S DARE Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to daily reflect more love for them. ____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare. When and where did you choose to do your special greeting? How did your mate respond to it? How will you change your greeting from this point on? --- Send in a voice message:

It is time to let love, humility, and gratefulness destroy any jealousy that springs up in your heart. It’s time to let your mate’s successes draw you closer together and give you greater opportunities to start the music and throw the confetti. TODAY'S DARE Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success or blessing he or she recently enjoyed. ____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare. How hard was it to destroy the list? What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate? How can you encourage them toward future successes? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jeff-hay/message

It’s time to move into the Appreciation Room, to settle down and make it your home. As you choose to meditate on the positives, you will learn that many more wonderful character qualities could be written across these walls. Your spouse is a living, breathing, endless book to be read. Dreams and hopes have yet to be realized. Talents and abilities may be discovered like hidden treasure. But the choice to explore them starts with a decision by you. You must develop the habit of reining in your negative thoughts and focusing on the positive attributes of your mate. This is a crucial step as you learn to lead your heart to truly love your spouse. It is a decision that you make, whether they deserve it or not. TODAY'S DARE For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some

Love will lead you to forgive instead of holding a grudge. To be grateful instead of greedy. To be content rather than rushing into more debt. Love encourages you to be happy when someone else succeeds rather than lying awake at night in envy. Love says “share the inheritance” rather than “fight with your relatives.” It reminds you to prioritize your family rather than sacrifice them for a promotion at work. In each decision, love ultimately lowers your stress and helps you release the venom that can build up inside. It then sets up your heart to respond to your spouse with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation. TODAY'S DARE Choose today to start reacting to tough circumstances in your marriage with love instead of irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any selfish motivations that you need to release from your life. ____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare. Where do you need to add margin to your life? When

Test yourself with these questions: • How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them? • How does your behavior affect your mate’s sense of worth and self-esteem? • Would your husband or wife say you’re a blessing, or that you’re condescending and embarrassing? If you’re thinking that your spouse—not you—is the only one who needs work in this area, you’re likely suffering from an undiagnosed case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of self-centeredness. Remember, love is not rude but lifts you to a higher standard. Do you wish your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it’s time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behaviors that can cause life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful? Here are three guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage: 1. Guard the Golden Rule. Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated (see Luke 6:31).

When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your spouse? What immediate need can you meet? What’s the next event (anniversary, birthday, holiday) you could be preparing for? Great marriages come from great thinking. TODAY'S DARE Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them. ___ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare. What did you learn about yourself or your spouse by doing this today? How could this become a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of your lifestyle? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jeff-hay/message

Ask yourself these questions: • Do I truly want what’s best for my husband or wife? • Do I want them to feel loved by me? • Do they believe I have their best interests in mind? • Do they see me as looking out for myself first, or them first? Remember, your partner also has the challenge of learning to love a selfish person. But don’t wait on them to earn your love. Determine to be the first to demonstrate real love to them, with your eyes wide open. Show them what it looks like by your unexpected example. And when all is said and done, you’ll both be more fulfilled. “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). TODAY'S DARE Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with refraining from any negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.” ____ Check here when you’v

It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness. First. TODAY'S DARE In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. ____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare. What discoveries about love did you make today? What specifically did you do in this dare? How did you show kindness? How can you make this a daily habit? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jeff-hay/message

This Love Dare journey is a process, and the first thing you must resolve to do is to demonstrate patience on a daily basis. Think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. But it’s a race worth running. Since we should never stop loving, we should never stop showing patience. It should be refreshed in supply every morning as the sun rises. TODAY'S DARE The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our hearts. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jeff-hay/message

A WARNING from the authors & 5 QUESTIONS answered by the authors. Receive this as a warning. This forty-day journey cannot be taken lightly. It is a challenging and often difficult process, but an incredibly fulfilling one. To take this dare requires a resolute mind and a steadfast determination. It is not meant to be sampled or briefly tested, and those who quit early will forfeit the greatest benefits. If you will commit to a day at a time for forty days, the results could change your life and your marriage. Consider it a dare, from others who have done it before you. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jeff-hay/message

Hope, healing and the power of an open heart. The pain you feel today is the pain you can heal. It’s no secret that those who are closest to us can effect us the most profoundly. Reeling from the trail, we build walls around our hearts to protect us from the heart-ache, yet these are the very walls that block us from seeing hope, receiving healing and feeling love. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jeff-hay/message