What's Lightsabers, Precious?

Which dreamy brother caused Pippin to go through puberty? How far can you push Looney Tunes references before it becomes unbearable? Answers to these questions, plus spires, weird elf twins, and furry crack teams.

Can one act of bro-ish one-upsmanship end a line of kings? Should you be wary if a pilot droid offers to show you "something neat?" Answers to these questions, plus TEN THOUSAND YEARS, references to Ruben Studdard, and the shocking truth behind Joanna's Mountain Dew experience.

Can you call yourself an anarchist if you support the idea of a stamp-lovin' king? What do Max Rebo and Celine Dion have in common? Answers to these questions, plus hot dugs, Secret Stoner Saruman, and the iconic cargo shorts of Droopy McCool.

With Ryan parasailing with manatees in Florida, Joanna takes it upon herself to eat some chips! Oh, and also call up her friend and fellow Tolkien nerd Teresa to discuss the Tolkien exhibit at the Morgan Museum in NYC. What do World War I, seven-year-old boys sitting on their infant sisters, and a strange man who can't stop talking about Watership Down have in common? They all featured in this exhibit--listen to learn more!

Can you justify being a deadbeat dad if you're secretly fighting Sauron? What would Freud say about Jabba making a dancer look like his mom-dad? Answers to these questions, plus trees & seas, Gamorrean detective work, and the conclusion to the Worst Name Challenge (for now!)

DARK GREETINGS!!! KYLO REN HAS ARRIVED WITH YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DESPAIR IN THE KYLOCAST!!! THIS WEEK'S SEGMENTS: *KYLO'S HIGH-LOWS *REN-LATIONSHIP ADVICE *BB-9E'S RANT OF THE WEEK *PISSIN' ON THE RESISTANCE *KYLO RAPS DO YOU DARE LISTEN TO THESE DARK TRUTHS?? SHARE LIKE SUBSCRIBE OR SUFFER!!!

What happens when you have a son whose only mood is "boats"? How far will a traffic control droid go to get revenge? Answers to these questions, plus yacht rock, de wanna wanga, and ye.

What's an entwife look like? What do you get when Groot shops at Hot Topic? Answers to these questions, plus the truth about Lord Farquaad, girlfriend in the Brown Lands (you wouldn't know her), and an unidentified talking tree species.

What shocking revelations are contained in Tolkien's last recorded letter? Should you sleep with a H'menthe? Answers to these questions, plus lots of other fun facts about Tolkien's only friend, Sullustan skin care routines, and lots more as we spin the Random Article Roulette!

Would Gandalf's return be as glorious if he emerged from a shallow moat after biting the balrog? Is there anything in the rulebook that says a blob can't play golf? Answers to these questions, plus Gollum's spider dance, Ted Sandyman's Cookie Factory, and lots of completely original sportsgames.

How does one set up a tryst with a wizard on Weathertop? Is it possible for just your ears to melt off in a podracing crash? Answers to these questions, plus Pippin hating mpreg, man-sized balrogs with gorgeous hair, and lots of funny Star Wars noises.

A tribute to Mara Jade, set to the tune of Patti LaBelle's Lady Marmalade.

What was the alternate, more heavy metal ending to Return of the King? Is Mara Jade incredibly cool or just a Mary Sue? Answers to these questions, plus Sam-dad, Tatooine as a right-to-work state, and some heartwarming reader's theater.

What is considered "magic" in Middle-Earth anyway? Is hyperspace really the safest way to travel? Answers to these questions, plus homeopathic evil, hyperspace buffalo, and lots and lots of song cues.

In this one-off special, Eric (of Vertiguys), Connor, Joanna and Ryan (of What's Lightsabers, Precious?) talk NINJA SCROLL, the 1993 anime movie with a lot of ninjas and a distinct lack of scrolls. Is it awesome, awful, or somewhere in-between? We aim to discover the truth in this amoral world! WARNING: If you don't want to hear discussion of sexual situations or snakes in places they shouldn't be in regards to the female body, you might want to sit this one out.

A song about Prince Xizor being a pheromone pervert. Sung to the tune of "Suddenly, Seymour" from Little Shop of Horrors.

A tribute to Dash "The Man" Rendar to the tune of Queen's "Flash."

Are sheep better than men? Does a wookiee life debt entitle you to a wingman even if you're stuck in carbonite? Answers to these questions, plus a guy named after a crystal ball, slight hooting noises, and a couple of musical numbers.

Just how racist is Middle-Earth? What makes a relaxed-fit smuggler lose his swagger? Answers to these questions, plus wepwethentatives, BEARS SHOUTING, and gross paragraphs.

What phat loot dropped from the 40-man raid of Dagor Bragollach? How many incredibly cool and normal dudes can one introduce in a single book? Answers to these questions, plus Numenorian jellyfish, Breaking Bad analogies, and snacks.