Unexpectedly Autistic

Nearly 9 years ago, when I arrived at a place in my life when I realized I could never have just 1 drink, I felt ashamed. I told only a few people because I felt like a failure. I didn't understand back then, that my drinking problem was not a moral failing. I was not a bad person, I was a sick person and I chose to get better. I chose to do something radical according to societal standards and better my life by abstaining from alcohol forever, one day at a time. It baffled me that I could never have just one drink. I hated the shame I felt It had baffled me that I wanted to drink a lot. It baffled me that when I wasn't actually drinking, I was thinking about when I would be able to drink. In my 12 step program, I learned why I couldn't have just 1 drink. I learned I wasn't a failure or a weirdo. I learned that I had alcoholism. People helped me learn how to live a better life, freed from the chains of addiction. But for years, I was still incredibly embarrassed and ashamed and did not want people to know. B