Parenting Teens: The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have Podcast

In the first of our series on parenting wisdom from Hyde Alumni Parents, Laura Main says: “I was willing to do whatever I was asked to help my son, including if it was hanging upside down from the rooftop by rope from my ankles.”  I think most parents feel this way. The family is doing great, is, in fact, a great family, and suddenly things aren’t going so well; perhaps there are struggles between the parents, a separation or divorce; a teen feels they need more independence; a parent feels the child needs more accountability. Whatever the reason, the student, and perhaps the whole family, is not thriving. Laura and Doug share what their parenting was like before sending their son to Hyde, how their parenting changed, and what it’s like now. They admit they learned a great deal about themselves, both as individuals and as parents in The Biggest Job Family Program.

“What’s missing in many American lives is an everyday place for conversation about sexuality. We have “do” and “don’t”, but almost no “hmmm – let’s think about that…”  ~ Bonnie Rough Having the chance to live for a period of time in Holland, Bonnie Rough and her young family experienced firsthand the way the Dutch have learned to teach their children about sex, sexuality and gender equality. Her latest book, Beyond Birds and Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality, and our conversation in this podcast, are filled with humor, humility, and heart. She is forth coming about her own doubts and how she struggled to overcome them and give her children the foundations in sexual education to never feel shame about their bodies and their sexuality.  Bonnie can be found at www.bonniejrough.com and on social media.

Natalie Borrell of Life Success for Teens That’s what we all want for our teens, isn’t it? Well, have you ever thought about having a coach for your teen? To help them deal with anxiety, fear of loss, and fear of rejection? Sure, all parents would like to be the person their teen turns to for help with these things, but what if you’re not? What if your teen doesn’t want you to be the one to help them deal with their test anxiety, presentation skills and how to talk to their teachers? It might be a hard pill to swallow, but remember what we say in The Biggest Job Workshops: “Humility is one of the most important qualities in parenting.” This podcast with Natalie Borrell, a school psychologist, and Alison Grant, a teacher with a license in counseling, of Life Success for Teens, (www.lifesuccessforteens.com) gives us insight into teenage anxiety and some great tips for dealing with it. They can also be found on Facebook at Parents Raising Successful Teens – a free community group.

Richard Preece, author of Live Big Richard Preece works for a global investment management company. After graduating from The Biggest Job Parenting program at Hyde School, he took the Ten Priorities into his work place, teaching and modeling them in this country and abroad. “There’s not really any difference between what challenges people at home and what challenges them at work; so the 10 Priorities work wherever you are and whatever you’re doing,” he says. Richard has written a book called Live Big: Creating the Life You Never Dared to Dream which is available on Amazon. If interested in finding out how to implement The 10 Priorities at your work place, contact Richard at rpreece56@yahoo.com. The 10 Priorities Truth over Harmony Principles over Rules Attitude over Aptitude Set High Expectations, Let Go of Outcomes Value Success and Failure Allow Obstacles to Become Opportunities Take Hold and Let Go Create a Character Culture Humility to Ask for and Accept Help Inspiration: Job # 1

Lisa Wade, author of American Hookup If the title of this book, American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus, by Lisa Wade, PhD., startles you, the information and descriptions in the book may shock you. But tune in to this podcast so you can find out the truth about how pervasive hook-up culture on college campuses is today, its pervasiveness and effects on students.   In an up-front conversation, Lisa Wade, associate professor of Sociology at Occidental College, gives us insight into the history of the hook-up culture on college campuses, the reasons students choose to hook-up, or choose to avoid it, and what colleges could do to change this culture. “Seeing what’s happening on campus as a culture – recognizing that it’s not the hookup itself, but hookup culture that is the problem – is the first step to changing it,” she writes. Lisa travels nationally, giving talks about hookup culture. You can find her on twitter (@lisawade); on Instagram (lisawadephd) or at https://lisa-wade.com

Are you a perfectionist? Is it influencing your child to be perfect also? “Focus instead on who are you as a person, what do you stand for, what do you believe in, what are your deeper principles, and how are you going to live a life that adheres to that? And if you do, you’re going to achieve what you’re meant to achieve, and it’s not a societal standard and it’s not better than other people, it’s your personal best.”  ~ Claire Grant Claire, who is Executive Director of The Biggest Job Family Program at Hyde School, talks candidly about perfectionism in her own life as a teenager; how it happened, and her struggle to be satisfied with her own effort. She gives tips to parents who might be expecting perfection, and who are parenting out of guilt because they feel they should be more or because they’ve let their kid down in some way.

Lenore Skenazy, President & Co-Founder of Let Grow In a world where parents are getting a lot of blame, here’s a different answer for why kids are so anxious about everything. Enter Lenore Skenazy, founder of LET GROW (www.letgrow.org) and author of Free Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry).  “NO!” she says, “It’s not the parents; it’s this culture that has written everything that kids do, see, eat, hear, read,  lick – whatever - encounter as something that will be difficult and possibly dangerous…” This is an informative and high-energy conversation with the woman who started the free range kids movement, now a law in the state of Utah and a pending bill in other states.  (https://www.npr.org/2018/04/01/598630200/utah-passes-free-range-parenting-law) Lenore and her team have also started Let Grow, an organization that includes the Let Grow Project for parents and the Let Grow Play Club for schools. Let Grow is trying to help parents, schools and communitie

“Addiction takes over everything… it’s this brain disease that affects individuals and changes their whole view of life and their whole view of relationships.” ~ Katherine Ketcham The Only Life I Could Save is Katherine Ketcham’s seventeenth book; she has co-authored sixteen others, ten of which are on the subject of addiction and recovery. For years she worked with kids in a Juvenile Detention Center, but when addiction lands in her own family, nothing she learned from the kids in “juvie” seemed to help. From the flyleaf: “This book is a raw and moving memoir of heartbreak, healing and profound transformation; … of what Katherine deems the most important lessons of faith, hope, acceptance, and forgiveness.” This podcast introduces you to a very brave woman, a brave family, and a son who continues to lead and inspire them all. You can find Katherine at www.katherineketchambooks.com or ketchak@gmail.com

What if your teen doesn’t want to go to college? “Only 11 percent of employers believe new college graduates have the skills their businesses need. Seventy-one percent of employers said they would consider hiring a person without a degree over a person with a degree.”  ~ Ryan Craig. Ryan Craig is an investor and author of A New U: Faster + Cheaper Alternatives to College (BenBella Books). In this book, he explains why he feels colleges are not educating kids for today’s jobs; what’s wrong with career services departments at universities; and what the alternatives to college are - alternatives that are faster, cheaper and put kids on a track to avoid layers of debt from a college diploma. “Faster + cheaper alternatives aren’t pathways to vocational or blue collar jobs, but rather to digital new collar careers,” he writes. The book is enlightening and fascinating; and this interview will peak your interest and raise your level of awareness about alternatives to college that don’t incur debt and the possibility

Do your kids say things like this…? Hear the inside scoop from three students about what they learned in the Inner Leadership Program at Hyde School… “We asked ourselves, how are we as a family going to flourish?” – Evan Davis “I could choose to be curious about my role in the family, or I could just avoid the truth [about it].” – Brett Van Vort “My family is so much more open with each other now; there’s not really anything that we can’t talk about.” - Jenny Balter There’s much more on this podcast from these three students on what they learned in the various pieces of the program, from confidence in public speaking and independence and trust in themselves, to finding the balance between having fun and still being a good role model. These students, each now in college, are honest, and self-reflective. I found them quite amazing in the way they could articulate their answers.

Our podcast today will explain the answers to the above questions, as we talk with Laura Gauld, Head of School and President of the Hyde School Organization. Hyde School’s Inner Leadership Program, where the journey of your unique potential begins, is the promise to all students who graduate from the school. There are five deliverables within this promise: Self awareness: what are my strengths? What is my vision? What are my obstacles? Public speaking confidence The importance of taking on challenges outside one’s comfort zone Meaningful relationships: understanding what they are and how to create them The family context: understanding the dynamics and influence of my family Listen to this podcast and hear how these deliverables are accomplished at Hyde School.  

“When it comes to being a step parent, there isn’t one right way, because every family dynamic is different. You’re marrying the package: you’re marrying ex-spouses; you’re marrying the kids…; the right way is your way for you.” ~ Lisa Walker The above quote is just a small piece of the wonderful wisdom you’ll hear on step-parenting in this podcast with Lisa Walker. When she married, he had a son in the ninth grade; the boy’s mother was very much in the picture, and as biological parents they had a fear of holding their son accountable. As a step parent, Lisa learned that standing up for her own values was the thing that would most help her step son. An adult now, he’s told her this mattered; that he is the man he is today, in part, because of her love and respect for him.

"Clear limits and boundaries aren’t just nice or good for children and teens; they’re bedrock.” ~ Deborah Roffman: Talk To Me First: Everything You Need to Know to Become Your Kids’ “Go-To” Person about Sex. In part two of our series with Debbie Roffman, she teaches us the importance of the five-piece suit of parenting, mentioned briefly in part one. Those five parts are: Affirmation Information Clarity about Values Limits and Boundaries Guidance She emphasizes the importance of letting our kids know, clearly, what our values are, in all aspects of life including sexuality; of “being the parent;” and to communicate the humanity of being sexual with another human being. Debbie is referred to by her colleagues as the most articulate professional voice in the US on the need for broad-based human sexuality education. She works with parents, schools and students all across the country. You can find her at www.talk2mefirst.com.

Are you looking for a “way in” to have the sex talk with your teen? Deborah Roffman Deborah Roffman has the answers for us in her book, Talk to Me First: Everything You Need to Know to Become Your Kids’ “Go-To” Person about Sex. In the preface of her book she writes: “What I hope you’ll discover most of all, if you haven’t already, is the joyfulness to be found in educating and guiding your children around this most central and amazing part of our humanity.” In the first of a two-part series Debbie explains why it’s so important for our kids to hear information about sexuality from a trusted adult first, and where they go when the information isn’t from that person. Debbie publishes widely throughout national media, and does workshops and trainings for teachers, parents, counselors and students at schools and organizations across the country. In 2016 she was named as one of Time Magazine’s 16 Top Parenting Experts for the 21st Century. You can find her at www.talk2mefirst.com.

“Integrity is a way you live your life, a way you make decisions every day, and how you treat others… it’s the little things  you do that get seen as the bigger things.”   ~ Geri Goldstein Geri’s comment, above, comes from experience. There was an “elephant” in the living room in her family; after years of enabling others in the family, Geri found within herself what it took to speak the truth about it. This story has an uplifting and positive ending, thanks to Geri’s integrity and courage, and the entire family’s ability to ask others for help. Don’t miss this one!

“Do your kids know more about gender and sexual attraction than you do?”   Amy Lang, of Birds and Bees and Kids (www.birdsandbeesandkids.com), and the author of Birds and Bees and YOUR Kids, and Dating Smarts: What EVERY teen needs to know to date, relate or wait!, joins us for a second podcast – this time about gender, sexual attraction, what it means to be gender fluid, what is cisgender? Pansexual? And more… “Trust your child to know their gender, even if it doesn’t conform to the gender they were assigned at birth and may not make sense to you. Gender is not about what genitals a person has, but who they know themselves to be in their heart.” Amy is starting her own podcast which will be a Q & A podcast; phone her at 206-926-1522 and leave your questions. She gives terrific advice to parents on this subject; you’ll want to hear what she has to say in this podcast.

R U Ok?: Teen Depression & Suicide is the title of a book by author Kristi Hugstad, Certified Grief Recovery Specialist and credentialed health educator.   After her husband completed suicide, Kristi bought every book on grief she found and says her living room looked like a recovery library; because of her experience and her new understanding of what she wished she had known, (the title of a previous book she wrote is What I Wish I’d Known), Kristi wrote R U Ok?, a book for parents, educators and teens.* This interview with Kristi is up-lifting, enlightening and down to earth at the same time. Her presentation of the causes for the depression which can then lead to suicide are straightforward and thought provoking. If you have not had “the talk” - and Kristi doesn’t mean the sex talk, she means the talk about suicide - with your teen, it’s just as important as the other talks from parents, like “don’t text and drive!”  *Through a grant, R U Ok? is available for schools and organizations, free of charge.

What can parents do to reduce the chance of teens hurting themselves?   Kirrilie Smout This is the title of an article (and today’s podcast) with Kirrilie Smout, clinical psychologist and founder of Developing Minds: Helping kids & teens learn life skills & manage tough times, located near Adelaide, Australia. In a nutshell, Kirrilie says: We should do everything we can to help teens be connected with a peer group. (And she gives suggestions on how to do this.) We need to help teens learn strategies to cope when they are feeling agitated, stressed, hopeless and overwhelmed. (And she describes some of them.) In the article, there is a link for some of these strategies: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning/create-beyondnow-safety-plan Beyond Blue is in Australia, but the coping strategies are universal.  She asked that I give several links in the United States: https://www.newhavenrtc.com/self-harm-help/effective-therapies-for-adolescent-cutting/ https://www.aamf

Are you worried about an eating disorder in your child? Then you’ll definitely want to listen to this podcast with Dana Suchow, national speaker and activist on eating disorders. Dana has personally overcome bulimia, binge eating, and exercise compulsion and has a firsthand understanding of how eating disorders can get started and what parents can do. Dana has been seen on Good Morning America and ABC News; she’s been interviewed by Vogue, Marie Claire, and numerous other publications. Our interview includes her views on the contributions social media and the diet culture are making to the issue of eating disorders, how parents unwittingly contribute to the problem; and the fact that eating disorders are so often combined with other things. If you have questions because your child has or you think they may have an eating disorder, Dana suggests contacting The National Eating Disorders Association at www.nationaleatingdisorders.org. Dana’s focus is preventative, and she speaks to parents, teachers or anyone i

“Parenting through puberty is demanding; [but] remember that your teen needs and loves you, even in the moment that he or she appears to have forgotten this fact!” This is just one of the many great reminders about parenting adolescents in a wonderful new book by pediatrician, Dr. Suanne Kowal-Connelly called Parenting Through Puberty: Mood Swings, Acne, and Growing Pains, published by the American Academy of Pediatrics.  It’s advertised as an ultimate guide to puberty, and indeed it is.    Dr. Suanne, as her patients call her, covers the nuts and bolts of what happens to children’s bodies as they go through the 5 stages of puberty (both boys and girls); issues of self-esteem and body image; concerns that parents have about the timing of puberty; the developing brain of a teenager; the relationship with a pediatrician; guidance for parents of adolescents with special needs; the subject of physical literacy; and lots on health and wellness. There are also resources on all the subjects she writes about, includ