The Look & Sound Of Leadership

Conflict is inevitable. But most of us were never taught the skills that would help us find our way through the dark corridors of this house called ‘Conflict.’ This month’s coaching conversation illuminates predictable patterns and practical tools to navigate successfully through Conflict House. The book Tom references in this episode: "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most" by Stone, Patton & Heen. Related episodes this month are: A Difficult Conversation Disagree Agreeably Getting Agreement Repairing Damaged Relationships Resolving Conflict In the Tips archive is a category called "Relationship Building." Many episodes there have useful tools, too. Help yourself. https://essentialcomm.com/tag/relationship-building/

There are a million ways to conduct one-on-one meetings with direct reports. How you run yours will reflect your personal style. This month’s coaching conversation focuses on specific best practices that will enhance your one-on-ones no matter what your style. In the commentary portion of this month's episode is a question for you. Share your thoughts in an email to: info@essentialcomm.com You can sharpen your management skills with the Executive Coaching Tips in the "Management Skills" category of the archive: http://essentialcomm.com/tag/management-skills/   These five episodes may be particularly helpful in developing your management skills: Engagement & Performance Leading Teams Managing Performance: Up or Out Managing Up Your Team’s Best Interest – Part One And, if you are going to be giving performance reviews this fall, this episode has helpful tools for you. Give it a listen: Performance Reviews http://essentialcomm.com/podcast/performance-reviews/ Every episode is available at: ht

  This month's episode introduces "Acting on the Corporate Stage." That phrase was Tom's original branding phrase, before "The Look & Sound of Leadership" became his branding phrase. "Acting on the Corporate Stage" aims at helping you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived, which, of course, is the reason d'etre of every episode. Also this month, Tom shares reflections on attending his first-ever podcaster's convention. And his reflections are all about YOU! He also points you to two very different interviews on other podcasts: The Everyday Innovator with Chad McAllister, episode 137. He and Chad deconstruct the "Sorting & Labeling" tool. Very helpful! Fatherhood 360 with David Wissore, episode 11. While exploring how parenthood influences leadership, Tom reveals some very personal stories. The four related episodes this month are: Act “As If” Creating New Behaviors Self-Awareness and Self-Management The Mindful Execut

Delivering a top-notch presentation requires you to master your ideas. Of course! But even more, you need to master yourself. Your audience won’t be able to lock onto you unless you are “in focus.” This month’s coaching conversation shows you how to get “in focus.” Related episodes are: Prepping Like a TED Talker http://essentialcomm.com/podcast/prepping-like-ted-talker/ Talking Like a TED Talker http://essentialcomm.com/podcast/talking-like-ted-talker/ All Presentation Skills Tips are available at: http://essentialcomm.com/tag/presentation-skills/ A PDF summary of Chris Anderson's book, "TED Talks" is available to you. Just pop Tom an email and ask for it. He's at: info@essentialcomm.com

Preparing a presentation raises many questions. How much are you going to rehearse? What will you actually do during your rehearsal? Are you going to memorize your talk? This month’s coaching conversation covers all that and more. Four core concepts this month: Rehearsal is obligatory. Manage your self-talk. Find your throughline. Rehearsal means “out loud.” In the archive is a whole set of Tips about “self talk.” It’s at: http://essentialcomm.com/tag/self-talk/ There’s another set about “presentation skills.” That’s at: http://essentialcomm.com/tag/presentation-skills/ Many different Executive Coaching Tips are referenced in this episode. Four related episodes are: Captivate Your Audience I Talk Too Fast! The Power of Rehearsal What Compelling Speakers Share The entire archive of Tips is at: http://essentialcomm.com/podcast

Holding each other’s attention is a constant challenge. But you can’t achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership if you can’t keep people listening to you. This month’s coaching conversation emphasizes three little slogans to make sure you aren’t driving your listeners away from you. All three slogans are just three words long: “Short sounds confident.” And “Communication takes effort.” And “Stop talking sooner.” There are so many reasons why embodying those slogans is hard. And, in truth, it’s easier for some people than for others. But everyone can get at least a little better at this. This month’s podcast will give you lots of practical tips – and some metaphors!—to help get you there. Past Tips are available at: essentialcomm.com Be in touch with us at: info@essentialcomm.com We love hearing from you.

Tom exchanges emails with two listeners. One exchange addresses issues of personal boundaries in the workplace; the other addresses scarcity and abundance. This Bonus Episode is only the second one in the 9-year history of "The Look & Sound of Leadership." If you like this and want more, tell us. Contact us through the homepage at: essentialcomm.com Or by email at: info@essentialcomm.com The prior bonus episode -- with two other email exchanges -- is titled "Readers' Letters." It was posted in May, 2016. Find it in your feed. It’s not available on our website. (We’re working on that!)

TED Talkers turn us into engrossed detectives, absorbed in solving the mysteries unfolding before us. But TED Talking doesn’t have to be saved for special events. This month’s coaching conversation explores ways to turn everyday presentations into compelling content that will hold people's interest ... like a TED Talk. If you're crafting an actual TED Talk, use Chris Anderson's terrific book: "TED Talks." I have a nifty 3-page reduction of Anderson's book. Reach out to me at info@essentialcomm.com and I'll send it along. Working to improve yourself as a presenter? The Coaching Tips archive are full of related episodes. Go to: essentialcomm.com/podcast and search the topic: "Presentation Skills."

Authority. It’s a slip-sliding sort of thing, isn’t it? Do we get it automatically along with a title? Sometimes. But sometimes not. This month’s coaching conversation examines both the thoughts and the words that give us authority. The ideas in this month's episode echo motifs embedded in many other episodes. Just a few related Executive Coaching Tips are: Assertion vs Aggression Choosing Persistence Don’t Take it Personally Getting Unstuck The Look & Sound of Self-Esteem Speaking For Yourself Showing Teeth Status Every episode is available at: http://essentialcomm.com/podcast/ Be in touch with us at: info@essentialcomm.com

At work, we often diminish the importance of feelings – our own or those of others. We think, “I don’t have time for that” or “That’s silly.” But feelings don’t disappear just because they’re inconvenient. And, when unacknowledged, their impact can be severe. This month, two coaches discuss the difficulties of managing “the human element.” Related episodes: Building Empathy Building Emotional Intelligence Coaching Your People Compassion During Change Dealing with Emotional Responses

Self-limiting beliefs hold us back. We limit who we are so we don't shatter those beliefs. This month's coaching conversation serves up several strategies to help you push back against those demons. Along the way, we mention "Leadership and Self-Deception," a great book to help you on your journey. We also touch on the topic of "Coaching versus Therapy," something I've been talking about for years. You can find an epsiode about it in the archive. I also mention an interview I did with Eric Cacciatore on his podcast, "Restaurant Unstoppable" episode 298, in which he and I talk about management and turnover and motivation. It was a blast. Check it out. Related episodes: Conquering Fear Negative Self-Talk The Look & Sound of Self-Esteem Thinking Errors Unmasking a Stand-In

Getting to the next level of executive presence usually demands the adoption of new behaviors. This month's episode explores a three-step process that helps new behaviors become habits. Helping you change behavior so you can be perceived the way you want to be perceived is the raison d'être of this podcast. If it's time for you develop more effective behaviors, there is an entire category in “The Look & Sound of Leadership" archive that will accelerate your development. The archive is at: essentialcomm.com/podcast The category, "Developing New Behavior" is at: essentialcomm.com/tag/developing-new-behaviors/ Five favorite episodes in that category are: Act “As If” Creating New Behaviors How Behaviors Change The Many Parts of You When Learning Makes Things Worse The episode called "Creating New Behaviors" has a PDF that goes along with it. If you'd like it, just ask. I'd love to send it you. Pop me an email at: info@essentialcomm.com

When we feel threatened or in danger, an old part of our brains, the one that regulates emotions, hijacks our executive functioning. We say and do things we regret. In the workplace, this can have serious consequences. This month’s Executive Coaching Tip has seven strategies for stopping yourself from getting hijacked. The seven lessons in my conversation with my client, Kimberly, are: Emotional hijacks are real. They happen when your emotions take control over your reason; Emotional hijacks happen because of a trigger. Triggers activate your emotional flight/fight/freeze response. We all have triggers; Your triggers follow a pattern. track them over time and the pattern will emerge. Often those who witness our hijackings know our triggers before we do; The first step to mastering your triggers is to be able to name them. By way of example, two of Kimberly’s were feeling left out and being ignored. Two of mine were feeling ineffectual and fearing a bad outcome. Triggers are personal and are different for eac

This episode addresses three issues that arise when you’re facing an executive team. First, what meaning are you making about the event itself? Is that meaning helping you or not helping you? If it’s not helping you, change it. Second, how will you address the moment when you need to say, “I don’t know”? Prepare for it. It’s going to happen. This episode has lots of ideas to try. The final issue is confidence and finding your executive presence; the core of every episode of The Look & Sound of Leadership podcast. In addition to the ideas in this episode, you can ask for a PDF that lists 15 related episodes to help you show up the way you want to show up. Send an email to info@essentialcomm.com and ask for the PDF that goes with this episode. I’d love to send it to you.

You can’t be an effective leader if you are not able to have hard conversations that are successful. “Successful” means addressing tough topics in a way that will create change.    One crucial skill to make hard conversations successful is attending to how things are being said. Without an awareness of the ‘how,’ things won’t be as safe as they could be. And if things aren’t safe, they won’t go deep. And if they don’t go deep, they probably won’t stick.   Five other episodes that relate to these skills are: Dealing With Emotional Responses A Difficult Conversation Discussing Difficult Behaviors Handling Defensive Behaviors Three Words You Should Never Say   If you want to dig even deeper into this topic, two books to read are: “Difficult Conversations” from The Harvard Negotiation Project. The authors are Stone, Patton and Heen.  And from the folks at VitalSmarts is “Crucial Conversations.” The authors are Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler.   Both books are great. Lots of scripts. Lots of insights. L

Conflict on teams is a good thing. Really! Well, it's good if it’s healthy. This month, two techniques to help team members engage in healthy conflict: arguing about what's best for the business and turning hostile non-verbals into dialogue. Related episodes to help with these skills are: Disagree Agreeably Facilitating Open Dialogue Getting Agreement Holding People Accountable Leadership and Listening Resolving Conflict

Meetings are often viewed as a necessary evil to be endured. But they can be engaging events that build people’s skills and accelerate the work. This month, a recipe for mixing up meeting magic. There is a four-meeting model discussed in this episode. If you want a graphic illustration of the model, just look at the online version in the archive: http://essentialcomm.com/podcast/ or email me at info@essentialcomm.com Two books are also discussed in this month's episode: Patrick Lencioni's "The Five Dysfunctions of a Team" and "Death By Meeting," both essential reads for team leaders.

Fear is natural but insidious. It can carve caverns in the foundations of our confidence, weakening our capacity. This month, a client learns about three kinds of fear and a transformational question that tames fear. A seminal book to help master fear is "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. At the end of this month's episode, Tom tells a story about the amazing reach of podcasts.

Empathy is a crucial component of The Look & Sound of Leadership. Some people have it naturally, others don’t. In either case, it can be developed and learned. This month's episode has lots of ideas about what empathy is, what it isn't, and how you can develop it.   There are lots of resources discussed this month.   A book called "The EQ Edge" by Stein and Book.   A great 3-minute animation by Brene Brown about sympathy versus empathy. It's on the home page of her website: brenebrown.com. Look for the cartoon of a bear and a fox.   Other epsiodes you might listen to are: Building Emotional Intelligence Dealing With Emotional Responses Self-Awareness & Self-Management   You also might go to essentialcomm.com, select "Coaching Tips," then search two subjects in the archive : Managing Yourself Personal Growth & Self-Development   Finally, if you or someone you know is in the middle of a job search, Tom did an interview this month with a wonderful career coach na

A bonus episode! Tom shares email exchanges he had with two podcast listeners. One exchange is about handling people who interrupt presentations. The other is about defining tasks and responsibilities when they're not defined for you. During the podcast, Tom mentions two other episodes that support the ideas here: one episode is “Facilitating Open Dialogue.” The other is “Creating Devoted Followers.” If you’d like more bonus episodes like this one, let Tom know at info@essentialcomm.com.